March 2015 – Page 2 – SIMCHA FISHER

Welcome, baby! 12 gifts that new moms want the most

The greatest gift of all: a nap.

New baby gifts! Fun to receive, fun to give, almost impossible to get wrong.

The only truly unwelcome baby present I’ve ever gotten was tucked into the bottom of a “welcome, new baby!” basket from my church: it was a pamphlet titled something like, “So, Hear Me Out, Now. There’s This Thing Called NFP That You Might Maybe Want to Try. . . “. And yes, this was after I had literally written the book on NFP.

I really can’t complain, though. I’m horrible about giving baby gifts, myself. I almost always just bring a fuzzy wuzzy outfit or an adorable bonnet, because it’s fun to shop for those things. But I’ve been on the receiving end of dozens of much more thoughtful, memorable gifts over the years. Here are some of my favorite ideas, which new moms seem to universally appreciate:

1.The tried and true meal. I never manage to prepare freezer meals ahead of time, and I always think, “Oh, we can get by with chicken nuggets and pasta for a while.” But nothing beats having the whole thing taken care of by someone else — whether it’s something elaborate and gourmet, or just a bunch of sandwiches ready to eat.

Best practice is to contact the new mom first, find out when the best time would be to drop by, and don’t plan to stay long — or, if you’re friends and know this would work out, offer to come over with groceries and cook a meal at the new mom’s house (and do the dishes afterwards!). Always ask if there are any allergies or preferences in the family.

And be specific.”What would you guys like to eat?” is great; but to a fuzzy-minded postpartum zombie, even better is “Would you rather have Specific Meal X, Y, or Z?” If you are feeling super helpful, include disposable plates and utensils, and don’t put the food in containers that you need back.

A variation: a gift card for take-out delivery. No matter how well a day starts out, things are guaranteed to look pretty bleak by dinner time. It’s a happy mom who knows that all she’ll have to do at 6 PM is open the door, open a pizza box, and call it a day.

2.The gift from the heart: cash (or gift cards). Not every family needs money, of course, but paternity leave is rare and many moms are losing income while they recover. There are always extra expenses when a baby is born, and nothing eases stress and speeds recovery like knowing, “Oh, I can pay for that.”

Also welcome are gift cards for Amazon or other stores where the family can pick out what they really need, whether it’s a frilly newborn dress, diapers and wipes, toilet paper and dog food, or a treat for the rest of the family when everyone’s stressed out. A friend once gave me thirty dollars, and I still remember how fabulous it felt to go out and splurge on a de-frumping postpartum haircut.

3.The favor that lightens the load. At our school, there is a monthly lottery for “Rock Star Parking” right next to the door. I will never, ever win this, because you get entered by being on time all month. But my punctual friend Angy did win, and she donated the spot to me (as did another friend, Patrick, last time I had a baby). It may not sound like much, but when it’s icy and muddy and I’m lugging a baby in her seat and dragging an unwilling toddler in snow boots and an Elsa dress, a good parking spot makes my life significantly easier five times a week. Score!

Other possibilities in this category: an offer to pick up and drop off other kids at school, or an offer to do the weekly shopping — or maybe an offer to be a shopping companion, on those first difficult trips out with a baby. Think back to when you had a new baby in the house. What did you really struggle with? Is there any way you can lighten that load for a new mom and dad?

4. Treats for other young kids. The non-newborn kids can feel a little lost and overlooked in the first weeks. How nice for them (and for an over-extended mom) to find a few little (non-messy!!!) activities to keep them busy. Sidewalk chalk, new crayons, coloring books, picture books, small stuffed animals or dolls, or a DVD (something you know the mom approves of) can cheer up siblings and give mom a needed respite.

5. Treats for mom (or dad). No matter how happy we are to welcome a new baby (and not be insanely pregnant anymore), it’s a bit of a shock to suddenly stop being the pampered patient, and suddenly start being the round-the-clock caretaker. Most moms appreciate a thoughtful little token present to make them feel pretty or cared-for. A bottle of wine or a box of tea, some fancy chocolates, or something pretty for her hair or skin — or maybe a gift certificate for a manicure or massage — is a nice gesture that says, “You’re more than a diaper-changing machine.”

Something nice for the new dad would probably be welcome, too. They’re often nearly as worn out as their wives, but nobody’s fussing over them.

6. Sincere, specific offers for cleaning, babysitting, or other practical help. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do!” is a pleasant thing to hear, but a thousand times better is, “I would like to donate my teenagers for a couple of hours, if you need help with laundry or cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen, or if you’d like me to take your other kids to the library so you can nap. We are available on the following dates, so let me know if you’re interested.” Or even, “I would love to offer you a couple of weeks of housecleaning service. Would that be helpful to you, or would that be weird?” (Some families are too private for this kind of gift.) Lawn care, snow shoveling, or some credit with a diaper service might also be welcome.

7.Handmade, personalized, or heirloom items (with no strings attached). Hands down, handmade gifts are my favorite in the long run, and older kids love knowing that someone made them just for them, back when they were just a baby. A few that stand out: two blankets made by my sister (one crocheted with intertwined trees and a lovely shell pattern, cherished by the now three-year-old, and one quilted with upcycled denim and flannel, complete with pockets that delighted my son when he got older), and a life-changing co-sleeper built by my brother-in-law and sweetly painted with dancing dandelions. We also love the patron saint icons and medals that various godparents have sent.

Just remember, even if you spent a lot of time and thought on a gift, the new parents are not obligated to display it on their wall or dress the baby in it at Easter time. A gift is a gift, so give it with love and then let it go!

8.Photography session. If you are good with a camera, a newborn or family photography session could make a lovely gift. Just be clear that it’s just an offer, and you won’t be offended if the new mom isn’t up to getting everyone brushed and dressed right away.

9.Used or new baby clothes or equipment IF the mom confirms she really needs and wants them. Mothers of big families may have more baby stuff than they know what to do with, so another bag to sort through may or may not be helpful. On the other hand, mothers of big families have often completely lost track of their stash, or rashly given it all away, so don’t assume that she already has what she needs! The key is to ask. And be clear whether you’re offering a loan or a gift, and if you’d like any unwanted items back, or if she should just dispose of them however she likes.

Baby equipment I’ve found most useful, besides a carseat and stroller: a Boppy pillow,useful for nursing, for propping up a baby’s chest, and for supporting a wobbly baby who is learning to sit; a Bumbo floor seat is a clever, portable, washable seat that we’ve found to be very handy. An extra-large and soft receiving blanket is also very useful for swaddling, as a sun cover, or for some privacy while nursing.

10.Prayer and words of encouragement. A Mass card or enrollment makes a nice keepsake, but Catholic moms also appreciate prayers of any kind. “We’ll offer Mass for you this week” or “We’ll remember you in our family rosary” is a gift that anyone can offer. If you’re not a pray-er, words of encouragement or admiration can also make a huge difference in those first exhausting, sometimes isolating weeks.

11.Gift certificate for a restaurant or hotel — with no expiration date. Some couples are dying to get away, but some would rather hunker down at home until baby’s much older; but most parents like to know they at least have the option to do some non-infant-related activity together at some point.

12.And you don’t have to wait for the baby to arrive. For some women, the last few weeks or months of pregnancy are physically and emotionally harder than the postpartum time, so any of the ideas above would probably be gratefully welcomed by an exhausted preggo who is starting to feel like her baby will never, ever come.

What’s missing from this list? What’s the best baby gift you’ve ever gotten?

Happy two weeks, baby Corrie!

Two weeks old!

Here is Corrie having a little snuggle and a big yawn:

A moment of deep thought:

and a little bit of friendly hazing:

Listening very carefully to everything I say:

And a schnoogly woogly woogly nap:

Oh, those baby lips!

Oh, those hairy werewolf ears!

Here we decided to see who could do the best Corrie face. Entry 1 (The Seeker After Truth):

Entry 2 (The Transient Anguish):

Entry 3 (The Renegade Hand)

Entry 4 (Babies Are Dopes):

Entry 5 (Toddlers Don’t Understand This Game But Enjoy Having Their Pictures Taken):

This pretzel is unrelated, but I found it on the wall and I feel like I need to tell someone:

One more look at Corrie’s Neck of Magnificence:

And another baby yawn, not that any of my readers enjoy seeing photos of yawning babies:

Happy two weeks, Corrie, you happy, lovely baby!

I chose . . . poorly.

As he mopped up something unspeakable, my husband remarked that shredded wheat might not have been the breakfast for a kid with the stomach flu. I actually think it could have been a lot worse. Anything with red dye #40 in it, for instance. Anything with beef. Anything with corn. Or, what one of the other little pukers ate, and then quietly deposited in the middle of our bed: hard boiled eggs, unchewed. Quem deus vult perdere, dementat prius! Which, if I remember my Latin, roughly translates to, “I’m sorry, are you a python? So chew!”

But it did make me think (as I cast around for anything to think about, other than how likely it was for all twelve of us to spend the next week hurling our guts across the room, with or without the aid of corn) of all the other bad choices I’ve made in my life. For instance . . .

“I insist that you kids get heavily involved with T-ball.”

“Camping with nine children, no electricity, no running water, and morning sickness sounds like it might be rough, but I have faith in the miraculous, transformative power of family time.”

“Buying clothes two sizes too small will motivate me to lose weight fast.”

“Probably if I drive even faster as the sun goes down along this unfamiliar highway with three kids who are not potty-trained in the car, that grinding, chattering, hooting, whomping noise coming from the transmission will stop on its own.”

“It’s our last day together as a childless couple. I’m only in early labor, so let’s go out for the biggest, meatiest breakfast ever.”

“But they’re the Legion of Christ — the good guys! Surely they’ll pay me eventually, because they are honest.”

“Yes, filthy Italian man. As a naive and depressed college sophomore, I would love to go visit your terrifying friends who are squatting in some ruins just outside of Rome. Please tell me more about the band you’re in while we get on this unfamiliar bus together.”

Oh, and one more thing, to bring us full circle: “Uh oh, someone needs a bowl quick! Ah, here is a plastic one that I accidentally left on a hot stove.”

I know I’m blocking out some biggies, too, but that’s all I can come up with at the moment. So make me feel a little better, and tell me all about the times you chose poorly. Whatcha got, and how sorry were you?

***

Dead Dog Trumps Catholic Authors; Gets Donuts

In today’s Shine, Perishing Republic! news:

Image books isn’t going to be taking on any new authors.

Image Books, the Catholic-interest imprint of Crown’s Christian Publishing Group, will cease acquiring new titles, the company announced March 9. In a statement, Tina Constable, senior v-p and publisher of Christian Publishing, said, “After careful review, we have decided to focus our resources and creative energies to continue to maintain and nurture the deep Image backlist…..we have made the difficult business decision to no longer acquire additional new titles for the Image Books publishing program, which we will discontinue as a frontlist imprint.”

The move makes at least short-term sense. While books by top evangelical Christian authors routinely have robust sales in frontlist, such out-of-the-gate blockbusters are rare for Catholic books.

But take heart! New authors are still finding a home in the publishing world, and making a nice living at it. New authors like Lauren Fern Watt, who has been offered a rumored $750,000 to spin her photoessay “I Took My Dying Dog on a Bucket-List Adventure” into something that someone is going to go ahead and call a book, because why the fork not.

*Sob*

Here’s an excerpt from what apparently functioned as a winning book proposal:

In my book, I plan on discussing what Gizelle taught me about my relationship with Peter, and what it means to love people unconditionally, too. I won’t go into the reasons why Peter and I didn’t work out after two years here and now, but Gizelle eventually showed me that I should try to love my boyfriend like I loved her: unconditionally and without expectations to change him.

As a Catholic author working on a second book, I’m just trying to keep my head on straight, do my best, and hope that someday, somebody will take me on a bucket list adventure that involves donuts.

***

“Well, excuse me if I care more about innocent babies than criminals!”

Catholics who are in dissent from the Church – those who reject Church teaching on contraception, or male priesthood, or whatever — often say that the Church is right about everything else, but regrettably wrong about this one issue.

And those of us who are not in dissent respond incredulously, “How could that be? How could the Church be right about the resurrection, and transubstantiation, and eternal life, but wrong about this one issue? How do you even swallow that idea?”

But it’s just as senseless to say, “I care so deeply about this one important moral issue that I refuse to even acknowledge that there are other important moral issues.” And yet this is exactly what we’re hearing in the wake of the four paper’s joint editorial condemning the death penalty in the U.S. The comboxes are pretty much wall-to-wall reiterations of this argument: “Death penalty for criminals? Who cares? What I care about as a Catholic is ending the slaughter of the innocent unborn!”

This attitude displays a deep and disastrous misunderstanding of the consistency and interconnectedness of Church doctrine. The Church is consistent. Utterly consistent. All of her teachings spring from a unified understanding of what God is like and what human life is for.

So if we are going to pish-tush at some teaching of the Church — like the teaching that the death penalty is only to be used as a last resort when there is no other way of keeping society safe* — calling it “marginal” or “liberal,” or saying that we just can’t get ourselves to care about it? Then we are very close to being in dissent. At very least, we have what I might call a “dissenting mentality”: pretending to submit to the guidance of the Church, but actually only adhering to and defending the doctrines which appeal to us, while ignoring, scorning, or even openly defying the ones which we don’t like.

[the following paragraph added at 11 eastern for clarity:] I’m not talking about people who truly believe that the death penalty is, in some cases, the only way to keep society safe. I believe they are wrong, and that in this country, in this century, there is no compelling reason to execute any prisoner. But who I’m talking about is people who openly reject what the Catechism teaches: who say, “The hell with that. Blood demands blood. Some people are just scum of the earth, and justice demands that we wipe them clean.”

If some doctrine makes us uneasy, and we admit that we don’t like it or understand it? No problem! That’s just being honest, and we all have some catching up to do. So pray, pray, pray, turn it constantly over to God, beg for understanding and the grace to submit, and have passionate arguments with people you respect. That’s fine. God never commands us to be instantly calm and happy about All the Catholic Things.

But for your own soul’s sake, if you have reservations or doubts, don’t be flippant or nasty about them, or, God forbid, proud of them. Belligerently parading around with a “dissenting mentality” is like going to a friend’s house, greeting the host nicely, displaying perfect manners during dinner, — and then going to the bathroom and crapping all over the floor. And then writing a gracious thank-you note for a lovely evening.

Guess what? It’s all one house. If you want to be a good guest, you have to behave yourself in every room.

***

*2267 Assuming that the guilty party’s identity and responsibility have been fully determined, the traditional teaching of the Church does not exclude recourse to the death penalty, if this is the only possible way of effectively defending human lives against the unjust aggressor.

If, however, non-lethal means are sufficient to defend and protect people’s safety from the aggressor, authority will limit itself to such means, as these are more in keeping with the concrete conditions of the common good and more in conformity to the dignity of the human person.

Today, in fact, as a consequence of the possibilities which the state has for effectively preventing crime, by rendering one who has committed an offense incapable of doing harm – without definitely taking away from him the possibility of redeeming himself – the cases in which the execution of the offender is an absolute necessity “are very rare, if not practically nonexistent.”⁶⁸

***

Four major Catholic journals: End the death penalty

I used to favor the death penalty. It feels right, bracing, and perfectly just. When people commit intolerable crimes, they should be removed from society, cleanly and permanently. It just feels right.

But as civilized people, the powers we grant to the state must be based on facts, not on feelings. Here are the facts about the death penalty in the United States:

It does not decrease crime.
It does not bring closure to the families of victims.
It is not the only way, in this country, to ensure the safety of other citizens.
It is often administered cruelly.
And it is sometimes imposed on the innocent.

A few years ago, my husband Damien Fisher interviewed Kirk Bloodsworth, a man who was convicted of raping a nine-year-old girl, strangling her, and beating her to death with a rock. Five witnesses placed him at the scene, he matched the description of the killer, and he made statements to police which seemed to incriminate him.

He spent nearly nine years in prison, two years on death row. And then, after urgent demands from the defense team, investigators discovered the physical evidence for the murder case, which had gone missing. It was in the bottom of a judge’s closet, inside a paper bag inside a cardboard box, and it had never been tested.

The state did a DNA test, and discovered that Bloodsworth was innocent. Another inmate, who looked nothing like Bloodsworth or the description given by the five witnesses, had raped and murdered the little girl. The case had gone through all the right legal channels, but the conclusions was disastrously, criminally wrong.

In the interview, here reprinted by an anti-death penalty advocacy group, my husband says:

A bad prosecutor, a bad judge, bad police work, bad forensics, shaky witnesses, all contribute to death penalty cases on a regular basis. Bloodsworth said one in every eight death row cases are overturned because the person convicted is innocent, and yet all of those cases went though trial and appeals and were reviewed by investigators, lawyers, and judges. In his case, at least 50 people looked at the supposed facts before he was sentenced to death.

And because of this, an innocent man lost nearly a decade of his life, and almost died at the hands of the state. This is intolerable.

But what about the guilty? Don’t they deserve to die, when they commit heinous crimes?

Not according to Catholic teaching. Today, the National Catholic Register, Our Sunday Visitor, the National Catholic Reporter, and America magazine have simultaneously released a strongly-worded joint editorial statement calling for an end to the death penalty in the United States.

The Catholic Church in this country has fought against the death penalty for decades … The practice is abhorrent and unnecessary. It is also insanely expensive as court battles soak up resources better deployed in preventing crime in the first place and working toward restorative justice for those who commit less heinous crimes.

The editorial quotes Archbishop Chaput’s statement on the reprieve of death row inmates in PA, and challenges us to face our moral responsibility as citizens:

Archbishop Chaput reminds us that when considering the death penalty, we cannot forget that it is we, acting through our government, who are the moral agents in an execution. The prisoner has committed his crime and has answered for it in this life just as he shall answer for it before God. But, it is the government, acting in our name, that orders and perpetrates lethal injection. It is we who add to, instead of heal, the violence.

Note, my fellow Catholics, the significance of the four papers who came together for this project: The National Catholic Register and OSV lean right, and the National Catholic Reporter and America lean left. The clear message is this: opposition to the death penalty should unite Catholics, rather than polarizing them. It is not a political issue; it is a moral one. The teaching of the Catholic Church is that the death penalty in 21st century America is almost never just, nor moral, nor necessary:

2267 Assuming that the guilty party’s identity and responsibility have been fully determined, the traditional teaching of the Church does not exclude recourse to the death penalty, if this is the only possible way of effectively defending human lives against the unjust aggressor.

If, however, non-lethal means are sufficient to defend and protect people’s safety from the aggressor, authority will limit itself to such means, as these are more in keeping with the concrete conditions of the common good and more in conformity to the dignity of the human person.

Today, in fact, as a consequence of the possibilities which the state has for effectively preventing crime, by rendering one who has committed an offense incapable of doing harm – without definitely taking away from him the possibility of redeeming himself – the cases in which the execution of the offender is an absolute necessity “are very rare, if not practically nonexistent.”⁶⁸

This is the teaching of our Faith. If this teaching feels wrong to us, then we are the ones who must come into conformity with the mind of the Church. Because we have the guidance of the Church, Catholics should be at the forefront of the push to end the death penalty in this country.

***

Further reading from my fellow Patheos bloggers:

An endorsement from Elizabeth Scalia on behalf of Patheos Catholic: We Are Catholic
Tom Zampino: 3 Reasons Why I No Longer Actively Support the Death Penalty
Dwight Longenecker: C.S. Lewis and the Death Penalty
Kathy Schiffer: Last Meals and Redemptions
***

Happy one week old!

Dear Corrie slept last night. Not all the way through, but enough that I don’t have clear memories of what happened last night, which is a very good thing! Here are a few views of the little lady at one week old:

milk drunk

a bouquet of little toeses

Why do they keep talking to me when they could be feeding me?

Happy birthday week, sweet Corrie! We’re so glad you’re here.

Service-based family trips?

Great question from a reader:

I appreciated your article in Catholic Digest about worthwhile charities. I was wondering if, in your research, you may have come across any charities that encourage families to get involved? I am desperately looking for an organization that encourages families to come, maybe for a week or two during the summer, to engage in service in a supportive Catholic environment. I used to volunteer with such a group in rural Appalachia (the Passionist Volunteers, but they don’t exist anymore) and I think it would be great for my kids. Any thoughts? Any local groups even that I could try to get my kids involved with? I’ve tried a few things, but nothing has worked out. It is hard to find something where you can take a wide span of ages (my 4 kids are 13, 11, 4 and 2) but I know my family needs to find something where we are doing for others and not just hanging out at home.

Anybody? If you can (and I know it’s not always possible), please leave comments on this post, rather than on Facebook, so that future readers searching for this information can find it! Thanks.

And if you’re looking for someone to give alms to this Lent, do check out that article, which describes 33 wonderful charities, some of which you probably never heard of.

Life with darling Corrie

She’s five days old and doing great! We’re all doing fine. Lots of ups and downs as usual (hint: it’s wonderful to be back at Mass after missing last week, but I wish I had remembered to bring tissues for the reading about Abraham and Isaac. Yeesh), but she has figured out how to nurse, I remember how to put onesies on babies, and we’re all settling in. Here are a few pics of the last few days.

Corrie meets my parents (who now have 41 grandchildren)

Corrie meets Damien’s mom and her cousin Eve

and Corrie meets the dog, who THINKS SHE SMELLS VERY VERY INTERESTING. (If I had seen this picture before I was a dog owner, I’d think, “Holy cow, how irresponsible! He may be a good dog, but he’s still an animal!” Well, Boomer was born to protect little girls. Other than eat and poop and chase his tail, that is the one thing he has done consistently and tirelessly since the day we got him. He loves her with all his doggy heart, and can’t bear it when we do monstrous things like wash her ears. So, relax! He is a very good dog.)

In no particular order, here are various people enjoying being with Corrie:

silly faces with Lucy

snuggle with Clara

snuggle with Elijah

I sit on the couch and feed the baby, and Benny brings snacks, one for me and one for her.

Benny advances the theory that maybe Corrie can fly with her ears.

Wet hair! I say!

Clean baby has a real belly button now, and we even found the stump this time (bleh).

and Benny the bath helper has clean fingers and clean toes, too.

Well, that’s the general idea! Damien went back to work Friday, the kids went back to school today, and I fully intend to get dressed at some point today. I probably won’t write up a birth story, unless I keep dreaming about it and need to put it somewhere. Giving birth sucks, the end. But here is a truly wonderful baby to keep, so hooray!

Skeptical baby thinks maybe this Mama will do.

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