I’m not saying we should hold out for the perfect spouse; and I’m not saying you should flee from a relationship the first time conflict crops up. It’s very good to test how well the two of you can work through problems together. And every human being brings a certain amount of imperfection into a relationship: Bad habits, personality flaws, unsavory pasts, immaturity, selfishness, and so on. Everyone’s got something — probably several things — wrong with them; and every good relationship will have conflict at some point.
But there are some flaws that should make us pause, think hard, and possibly back away before we make any vows.
Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly.
Image: Skedonk [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)]
6 thoughts on “Your boyfriend is not your husband”
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R- Agree. I can only talk from my own female POV. But sacrifice definitely goes both ways 100%
Yes so true, marrying a good man means marrying someone who is willing to sacrifice for you and the family- loyal, hard working, supportive and wanting to raise good kids and helping each other and your children to get to heaven. It doesn’t matter if they come from good families or not, or how much money they make. Sometimes those boys from the most seemingly perfect families can be the most spoilt, unyielding and refuse to sacrifice (sacrifice is vital in a marriage). It’s all about finding a good man. Look to St Joseph and his example if unsure. All the other material stuff, status, income is insignificant in comparison for finding a good man. Pray and use your gut instinct. And then pray some more.
And he should be someone you are willing to sacrifice for as well.
It remains a toss-up in my mind whether the most important trait in a mate is a sense of humor or a willingness to forgive, so it’s best to make sure and find someone with both.
I disagree that it’s all about finding a good man — it’s also about finding a man who’s good *for you*. You don’t have to determine that a man is bad to be justified in breaking up with him. Not being delighted to marry him is more than enough.
I remember the priest who did our marriage “prep” told us, “you both come from good families, so there’s nothing I can teach you.”
Uh…no? There ended up being a lot of stuff that came up in early marriage that would have been good to learn about before marriage. Or he could have simply checked to see if we had discussed and were on the same page with the ‘big ticket’ items like kids and lifestyle.
I got lucky in that I ended up with a good man who I love and who loves me, but I remember feeling like I was about to swim an Olympic event with no training.