What’s for supper? Vol. 489: I don’t work for the diocese anymore

Happy Friday! Might as well open with one of the pumpkins my highly artistic kids made:

I haven’t even looked at the other pumpkins yet. I was lying down and told them to go ahead and do what they want. It’s been kind of a theme this year. 

This is probably a good time to warn you that this post contains probably the filthiest word I have ever put to print. And I had to look up how to spell it. 

SATURDAY
Grilled ham and cheese, oven fries, pickles, grapes

Regular old shopping day. I refrained from buying chips so as to force myself to finally start using the potatoes I grew. There’s nothing wrong with them; they’re just dirty, and a hassle. But they turned out fine. I tossed them with oil and salt, pepper, garlic powder, and chili powder, and roasted them.

Grilled a bunch of sandwiches and broke out the refrigerator pickles. 

Tasty little meal. 

SUNDAY
Varia

After Mass, we stopped at Home Depot for . . . I can’t actually remember what, but we impulse bought a new mailbox post, and a bag of concrete. A few years ago, I had replaced the old mailbox with a new one from Walmart. Here’s a before and after, from 2021:

It looked nice, for a while. But I didn’t bury the post deep enough, and the joint rusted, and the whole thing just got more and more wobbly until even our cheery and upbeat mail carrier started to complain. Somehow, wedging more and more rocks and bags of sand around the post did not help. So we got a new mailbox. 

Then we went apple picking! It was our wedding anniversary, and we were originally planning to go to a museum together, but our weekends keep getting gobbled up, and it was the last possible day to get to an orchard. Not a lot of apples left, but we got a good haul of nice, big Cortlands and a few Macintosh, and the kids did a corn maze while Damien and I sat on a rock and watched a pig relax in the sun. And it was a nice afternoon!

Got home and just rested for a bit, and then Damien and I went out for dinner to the local noodle place. We both had wonderful pork buns, and then I had crispy chicken ramen, and Damien had beef pho. Mine was kind of shockingly bland. Damien really loved the pho, though, which is great because I think it’s his first time. We both had fried matcha ice cream, which honestly was also not very good. Not much flavor, and the ice cream was too hard to cut.

On the way home, we romantically took the long route so I could show Damien the broken block of granite that’s been lying abandoned in the weeds on the off ramp off West Street for years now. I myself feel that absolutely nobody would miss it, and if it was dark enough, nobody would even see us nab it, and it’s a nice piece of granite, very clearly the perfect size to become a top step to our front door, which is currently made of cinderblocks.

But HE said we would get arrested and also get a hernia. And yeah, he’s right on at least one count. So we went home and ate candy and watched TV, and it was a really good day for a couple of very tired people who have been married for 29 years and still like each other. 

MONDAY
Mexican beef bowls

Monday, I sliced up some beef and got it marinating. This is the marinade I use, and it’s nice and piquant. 

I also got some black beans simmering — just one can’s worth, because I’m really the only one who likes beans. And then I was absolutely determined to start work on the mailbox. Then discovered I had forgotten to take the post out of Damien’s car, and he was out of town.

No matter! I could still dig the old one up, and dig a new hole, and then, fortified by the fresh air, rush around finally doing a bunch of other outdoor tasks. This is the old mailbox, I can kind of see the issue. 

I dragged the old corn stalks to the front and tied them onto the entrance, and added in a few pumpkins, and stuffed in a bunch of gladioli stems I had dug up

So fancy. Then I dug up the stupid loser dahlia that refused to even try to blossom until the frost came, and also the lame crummy gladioli that bloomed and withered while I was in the hospital. Next year you will do my will, you bastards. 

Supper was great. I  pan-fried the meat

cooked up a big pot of rice and heated up some corn, and I put out cheese, lime wedges, sour cream, cilantro, scallions, and corn chips, and the black beans

and it was a lovely meal. 

TUESDAY
Roast chicken, french bread, skully caprese salad

Well, for dinner, I had dinner plans that got away from me. I started out making some mozzarella, planning to make skull-shaped cheese for Halloween. It turned out really cool last year

but went awry this year, not sure why. I was using liquid rennet for the first time, rather than the powdered kind that came with my cheese kit. Possibly that’s why? The cheese was just kind of grainy and rubbery.

Also a lot of the basil had gone bad; so sad. I went ahead and made the salad anyway, leaving out the balsamic vinegar and olive oil so people could dress it as they wanted. Very faintly spooky!

Then (in retrospect, probably because I wanted to feel better about my kitchen skills) I decided to make some bread. I’m having to halve more and more of my own recipes, because our family so little bitty these days; but I went ahead and made the full, big batch, which makes four loaves. 

I let the dough rise, then cut and rolled it into loaves, then put it in the fridge. Then, feeling more competent and hopeful, I took a hunk of pork out of the freezer so I could dry brine it that evening, for Wednesday’s meal. 

And then! It was mailbox time. I dug the hole a little deeper, and then put some gravel in the bottom.

About that.

A couple of years ago, we hired a plumber to see what could possibly be done about our basement, and he indicated to us that the reason nobody else wanted to come work on it was that our basement was disgusting, which it is; and he also had some complaints about our driveway, which has kind of a sharp drop because it keeps eroding, and there is a gap between the dirt and the asphalt road. For some reason, every time they pave this road, they give everyone else a little transitional lip or tab of asphalt, except for us. So this plumber, whose work vehicle is a BMW sedan for some reason, was so annoyed at bumping the bottom of his car that, along with the pipes or whatever, he brought a bag of gravel and dumped it on the end of the driveway, where it promptly got scattered by traffic, which is exactly what we told him would happen.

Anyway, there was some gravel left, so I scooped that up and put it in the bottom of the mailbox hole. Then Damien held the post in place while I screwed some planks onto the bottom, to hold it upright. Well, first I lost the drill bit in the dirt 428 times. I really, really wanted to get one dang project done the right way for once, but my confidence was draining away so fast. 

Then I dumped in the sixty-pound bag of concrete, poured some water on top, and grabbed the first thing I could find to mix it, which happened to be a skeleton leg.

Then I decided that, even for us, that was too ridiculous, so I used a short-handled shovel. I just kind of slopped and chopped it around until it seemed like there wasn’t much dry stuff left. And that was that. 

Yes, we used a level. It’s pretty level. It’s just. . . it’s just a crooked life. I don’t know. It was harder than it looks! 

It didn’t seem like there was enough concrete, so I went to Home Depot for another bag, and those jerks had chrysanthemums for $1 apiece, so I got six. I don’t like chrysanthemums, but I’m not made of stone. Also a light-up axolotl skeleton which was 75% off fell into my cart, and a few bags of soil, because as long as we’re getting a fancy new mailbox, I might as well improve the soil there, which gets full of highway salt and angry plumber gravel and whatnot. 

After I got the kids, I took the bread dough out for a second rise, then baked it

and then quickly roasted some chicken breasts. And it was a decent meal after all, if not overly spooky. 

I was pleased with how puffy the bread turned out. 

Reasonably satisfying way to end a rather stupid day. 

WEDNESDAY
Aldi pizza

Wednesday morning, I discovered the piece of pork still quietly sitting on the counter, where it had been all night. Someone had helpfully put a plate under it, so it could rot on a plate.

I have to admit, it was nice and defrosted.

That’s fine. We can be nimble and make changes. But first, I went to use my ClearBlue monitor so I could dutifully track my ludicrous and nonsensical fertility pattern, and it was like, “new batteries now, bitch, or you’re gonna lose all your data.”

Joke’s on them. I don’t even like my data! But I still have to play this stupid game, so I went to the battery drawer, and it was full of empty battery packages and the most egregiously miscellaneous crap you can imagine people stuffing into the kitchen drawer because they have no respect for their mother.

So I was like, haha, no matter, I will simply organize this drawer. And also organize the other drawers. And actually maybe pull everything out of every drawer in the hutch, because some of the cabinets are overstuffed and don’t close, and we’re constantly whanging our arms against the flapping doors as we pass; and every time I want to use the microwave, I have to scoop up dangling phone chargers and loop them out of the way, and also DO WE REALLY NEED AN ENTIRE CUBBY JUST FOR ICE PACKS AND RUBBER GLOVES. 

Have I mentioned that my head is still ticking? I did call the doctor, and the neurologist, and it seems to be a “rich tapestry of life” situation. 

Anyway, I started to move some stuff from the hutch to the kitchen island, and this is when I acknowledged to myself that the kitchen island, which we bought used about 15 years ago, is not, in fact, A Really Nice Piece of Furniture. It is more of a Loose Amalgamation of Sticky Particle Board. So I pulled out the drawers and dumped them and dragged everything out of the cabinets and took the counter off. 

So then I was really in for it, friends. At this point I was breathing like Hector Salamanca, which means it was too late to stop. 

I spent the next five hours pulling off rotten wood and useless hardware, reinforcing corners with wood scraps from my carving stash, cutting and fitting in a new back wall, and adding in new supports for the drawers (which have had no support for years, and have been flopping and flailing and spilling their guts. MANY SUCH CASES) out of scraps from the treehouse floor, and a new kick plate with wood left over from last year’s wedding anniversary soffit repair. And scrubbing the hell of out everything.

Took a quick break to pick up the kids and some Aldi pizzas. One child wanted to know if I had roasted the pumpkin seeds yet, and then another child asked, “Wouldn’t it make more sense to just get a new island?” and I may have responded, at a somewhat elevated volume, “ARE YOU PAYING FOR IT?”

And then I finished the job. Look!

It has right angles and everything! I cleaned it some more (oops, missed some duct tape), threw out a bunch of horrible kitchen things that I hate, and put the drawers and top back on.

The cabinet doors are long gone, and a few years ago I replaced them with a sort of curtain, which I threw in the wash and still have to put back up. And I still have to sort through this trash bag full of cookie cutters and whatnot. 

But overall, wow, I feel so much better. The kids all remarked that it feels bigger in the kitchen now. This is because there is something about a room that features a squat, hulking bundle of rotting planks, that sways and groans whenever you lean on it, that makes the space feel, I don’t know, crowded, somehow. And now we have right angles! So fancy. 

And then we had pizza for supper. Which I burned, but hey. 

THURSDAY
Zuppa toscana, pumpkin muffins, garlic bread

Thursday I took the braces off the mailbox and decided that we didn’t need more concrete in the hole after all, because I didn’t want to. So I filled it with soil, crammed some tulip and daffodil bulbs in there, stuffed some $1 chrysanthemums on top, and fled. 

Oh wait, first I had a whole dire struggle with trying to attach the actual mailbox to the new post. This was a simple operation, took three days, and ended up involving three adults, a reciprocating saw, a gas torch, zip ties, shears, and just a soupçon emotional distress, and I ended up taping some pieces of moisture-resistant cake board into the bottom inside, so we wouldn’t keep cutting ourselves on the jagged edge I accidentally made with the reciprocating saw, which I hate.

But we didn’t go to Home Depot!  And now we have a mailbox again.  

Just in time to get a final cascade of election mailers. Gosh, I hate everybody. 

Then it was time to make the 48 Halloween brownies I had signed up to make last week, back when I was young and still thought life was worth living.

I had the brilliant idea to bake web designs right into the brownies

which anyone with the good sense God gave a cat could tell you is not going to work. And it did not work! The webs disappeared. 

So I let the brownies cool and grimly sat down with the icing again, and added webs back on to each piece, and then stuck a spider ring on each one.

Damien told me they looked amazing, but I had my doubts. 

Me: Are middle school boys gonna be gross about this? Because, you know, the white splats.
Damien: Middle school boys are gonna be gross about everything, but they’ll be stuffing their fat faces with brownies as they do it.
Me: Okay, that makes me feel better. Do you want a brownie?
Damien: Yes:
Me: Here you go.
Damien: Simmy.
Me: What?
Damien: This one has some splooge on it.

So that’s how I knew my work was done! Maybe I’ll finally join the parent council. I’ll get a letter of recommendation from our mailman, or the plumber. 

I also made a big batch of pumpkin muffins, again opting to make a full recipe, even though that’s a lot of food (in this case, 18 muffins). 

They turned out really good! This is a reliable recipe, and never turns out bad, but sometimes the muffins are just excellent. Moist and gingery, with a wonderful knobbly top. 

I also made a big pot of Zuppa Toscana, which only Damien and I like. The muffins were to sweeten the deal, but unfortunately, only Corrie really gets excited about pumpkin muffins. So I also made some garlic bread with the leftover french bread, and that actually worked, and now they all love me. 

Or possibly have been cowed into silence by my decrepit but still menacing cartel breathing style. 

The soup was absolutely delicious, rich and savory. It has hot Italian sausage, red potatoes, garlic and onion, lots of pepper, and lots of kale, and it comes together quickly. Here’s the recipe:

and I even used more garden potatoes, so there. 

On the way home from school, a kid who is dressing as King Arthur had disclosed that she still needed gloves and a sword for Friday, so we stopped at, SIGH, three stores, and found gloves but not a sword. So I said I would make one.

I was actually secretly happy about that, because I haven’t been called upon to make one single bit of a Halloween costume this year! This is the first time that has happened since 1999, when Lena was a little bee. Now she is older than I was when I made that costume. And I have to admit, this was a good year for a big task to get taken off my plate. But also, you know. Now I am needed no longer, said the little red lighthouse. Bah. Sad. 

But no! We needed a sword. I got out some more wood scraps and made an absurdly crooked but quite sturdy sword. 

The tape is just to diminish splinters, because I didn’t feel like sanding it. She spray painted it silver, I believe. I haven’t seen the finished product, but she is happy!

Gosh, I really really like making stuff out of wood. I would like to take a basic carpentry class, because I know there are some things I’m doing wrong, but the work itself just feels great. 

FRIDAY
Mac and cheese

I just checked the word count on this post, and, whew. Sorry about that. I hope you liked my brownie story, anyway. 

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Beef marinade for fajita bowls

enough for 6-7 lbs of beef

Ingredients

• 1 cup lime juice
• 1/3 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 1 head garlic, crushed
• 2 Tbsp cumin
• 2 Tbsp chili powder
• 1 Tbsp paprika
• 2 tsp hot pepper flakes
• 1 Tbsp salt
• 2 tsp pepper
• 1 bunch cilantro, chopped

Instructions

1. Mix all ingredients together.

2. Pour over beef, sliced or unsliced, and marinate several hours. If the meat is sliced, pan fry. If not, cook in a 350 oven, uncovered, for about 40 minutes. I cook the meat in all the marinade and then use the excess as gravy.

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French bread

Makes four long loaves. You can make the dough in one batch in a standard-sized standing mixer bowl if you are careful!

I have a hard time getting the water temperature right for yeast. One thing to know is if your water is too cool, the yeast will proof eventually; it will just take longer. So if you're nervous, err on the side of coolness.

Ingredients

• 4-1/2 cups warm water
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 2 Tbsp active dry yeast
• 5 tsp salt
• 1/4 cup olive or canola oil
• 10-12 cups flour
• butter for greasing the pan (can also use parchment paper) and for running over the hot bread (optional)
• corn meal for sprinkling on pan (optional)

Instructions

1. In the bowl of a standing mixer, put the warm water, and mix in the sugar and yeast until dissolved. Let stand at least five minutes until it foams a bit. If the water is too cool, it's okay; it will just take longer.

2. Fit on the dough hook and add the salt, oil, and six of the cups of flour. Add the flour gradually, so it doesn't spurt all over the place. Mix and low and then medium speed. Gradually add more flour, one cup at a time, until the dough is smooth and comes away from the side of the bowl as you mix. It should be tender but not sticky.

   

3. Lightly grease a bowl and put the dough ball in it. Cover with a damp towel or lightly cover with plastic wrap and set in a warm place to rise for about an hour, until it's about double in size.

4. Flour a working surface. Divide the dough into four balls. Taking one at a time, roll, pat, and/or stretch it out until it's a rough rectangle about 9x13" (a little bigger than a piece of looseleaf paper).

5. Roll the long side of the dough up into a long cylinder and pinch the seam shut, and pinch the ends, so it stays rolled up. It doesn't have to be super tight, but you don't want a ton of air trapped in it.

6. Butter some large pans. Sprinkle them with cornmeal if you like. You can also line them with parchment paper. Lay the loaves on the pans.

7. Cover them with damp cloths or plastic wrap again and set to rise in a warm place again, until they come close to double in size. Preheat the oven to 375.

8. Give each loaf several deep, diagonal slashes with a sharp knife. This will allow the loaves to rise without exploding. Put the pans in the oven and throw some ice cubes in the bottom of the oven, or spray some water in with a mister, and close the oven quickly, to give the bread a nice crust.

9. Bake 25 minutes or more until the crust is golden. One pan may need to bake a few minutes longer.

10. Run some butter over the crust of the hot bread if you like, to make it shiny and even yummier.

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Zuppa Toscana

Ingredients

• 1.25 lbs. sweet Italian sausages
• 1 large red onion(s), diced
• 4 medium red potatoes, sliced thin with skin on
• 8 oz mushrooms, sliced (optional)
• 3-5 cups kale, chopped
• 31/2 cups half and half
• 8 cups chicken broth
• 4-5 cloves garlic, minced
• olive oil for cooking
• pepper
• 1/2 cup flour
• instant mashed potato (optional!)

Instructions

1. Squeeze the sausage out of the casings. Sauté it up in a heavy pot, breaking it into pieces as it cooks. When it's almost done, add the minced garlic, diced onion, and sliced potatoes, adding in some olive oil if necessary to keep it from sticking. Lower the heat a bit and continue cooking, stirring frequently, until the onions and potatoes are soft.

2. Add flour, stir to coat, and cook for another five minutes. 

3. Add chicken broth and half and half. Let soup simmer for at least thirty minutes, or keep warm in slow cooker or Instant Pot. 

4. Before serving, add chopped kale (and sliced mushrooms, optional) and cook for another ten minutes (or set Instant Pot for three minutes) until kale and mushrooms are soft. Add pepper. Add salt if necessary, but the sausage and broth contribute salt already. 

5. This makes a creamy soup. If you want it thicker, you can add a flour or cornstarch roux or a few tablespoons of instant mashed potato at the end and cook a little longer. 

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Pumpkin quick bread or muffins

Makes 2 loaves or 18+ muffins

Ingredients

• 30 oz canned pumpkin puree
• 4 eggs
• 1 cup veg or canola oil
• 1.5 cups sugar
• 3.5 cups flour
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1.5 tsp salt
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp ground cloves
• 1/4 tsp ground ginger
• oats, wheat germ, turbinado sugar, chopped dates, almonds, raisins, etc. optional

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350. Butter two loaf pans or butter or line 18 muffin tins.

2. In a large bowl, mix together dry ingredients except for sugar.

3. In a separate bowl, mix together wet ingredients and sugar. Stir wet mixture into dry mixture and mix just to blend. 

4. Optional: add toppings or stir-ins of your choice. 

5. Spoon batter into pans or tins. Bake about 25 minutes for muffins, about 40 minutes for loaves. 

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