We All Have Guns, We All Have Rights—But Why?

We, too, are gun owners, but we don’t open carry, or flaunt it, or yammer about it endlessly. Gun ownership is not an end in itself; it’s part of what helps us to live a life of liberty and the pursuit of happiness, which are the rights that the Declaration of Independence says come from God. Guns are not something to be flaunted and paraded about, any more than you’d flaunt or parade about your wallet, or the ample supply of food in your freezer, or the gold bars you’re saving for retirement. These are things that you have a right to amass, and which may help you to live the kind of life you are supposed to be free to pursue. But to flaunt them without regard for the people around you, as if they were in themselves the highest good, shows a stunted understanding of what it means to live well.

Read the rest at the Register.

Edited at  8:20 AM EST Feb. 5: Yes, I meant “Declaration of Independence,” not “Constitution.” Embarrassing! I do know the difference; it was just a careless error. I corrected it at the Register yesterday, but forgot to edit the teaser here. Thanks to everyone who pointed it out.

From the Department of Predictable Disasters (Accidental Brilliance Division)

My kids’ elementary school has instituted a system of school bucks, which the kids can earn with good behavior and hard work, and which they can spend on t-shirts and snow cones. Within 48 hours, there was theft, extortion, and the organization of a counterfeit ring — and that was just in the 1/2 class.

So, it turned out to be a pretty good lesson about how money works.

Why did we really quit home school? Part II: the specific good and bad

Last week, I answered a few questions about switching from home school to a traditional classroom. I promised to give some specifics about the good and the bad.

Once again: I make no claim that these are things that always happen to every person who makes the choices we made. I’m simply talking about our experience.
.
Also, this is where we’re at six years in. I would have written a different post in the first few months! It was a pretty rough transition, emotionally and logistically; but the worst aspects were temporary. Even when things were rough, we never felt like we made the wrong choice.
.
What drawbacks have we experienced from sending our kids to school?
.
1. It’s exhausting. We have to wake up early and come home late, and on weekdays, we spend the most time together when we’re tired and cranky. We spend a ton of time in the car, and this stinks. Literally. Do you know what happens to an apple core when it gets frozen in spilled seltzer, and then defrosts five months later? Nothing good. 

2. The paperwork and logistics. Our school is really good about keeping paperwork and homework minimal, but it was hard for us to get used to even basic things like, “Where’s my lunch box?” Sometimes it feels like there is always something to sign, always a check due, and always something to volunteer for (and we are probably the least volunteering family in the school). It’s unrelenting, and the kids always remember they need something at 11 PM.

3. It can be expensive. We never spent much money on home school (because we didn’t have it), and when we first started sending the kids to school, it was really hard to find the money for basic school supplies, normal-looking clothes, and gas money for the commute. But our income has increased as our expenses have (partly because I can work more now that the kids are in school); so now if we have to buy special binders or pay for a field trip or replace water bottles or indoor shoes, we can swing it.  They are also pretty generous with scholarships. Our kids are used to the idea that we only order pizza every other week, and we aren’t doing book orders and ski club and such, so it’s manageable.

4. The influence of bad kids. Some of the other kids they spend time with are jerks, and our kids pick up some bad stuff from these kids. This worries us. Even the good kids have some bad ideas. They all think divorce and gay marriage and premarital sex are normal, for instance. We try to make this aspect of our lives into an opportunity to remind kids that they are born to be evangelists; that they should expect to stand out because of their faith; that we don’t do things just because everyone else is doing them; and that we all need to learn how to be good to people we don’t like, and we all need to learn how to treat people well even when we don’t approve of (or imitate) what they are doing.

Our younger kids are in a small school with involved parents, and we like most of our kids’ friends. The high school kids have to put up with a lot of unpleasantness (profanity, sexual talk, kids who are promiscuous and drink and take drugs and have contempt for decency in general), especially in the hallway and on the bus. They try to find decent friends, and they wear their earbuds when they’re outnumbered.

Most of our kids have a bit of chip on their shoulder about not conforming, and I sometimes worry more that they’re turning into snobs than I do about them becoming too worldly.

5. It’s harder to shape their tastes. We haven’t come across the teachers exposing the kids to anything objectionable — the last thing most teachers want is start some war with the parents — but they do introduce them to mediocre stuff sometimes, especially fiction and music. It’s harder to get some kids excited about Narnia if all their friends are racing through the 374 volumes of Pixie Friends of Bubblegum Hollow available at school.

6. I hate sending my little ones off. When they are gone for a big part of the day, our relationship changes forever, and it hurts (even when I see that it’s good for them in many ways). But we love our kindergarten teacher to bits, and the kids do well when they get in on the ground floor.

7. We don’t get to choose how to spend our time. This is the one thing that makes me really miss home school. We don’t have much time or flexibility to do fun or important things together as a family, like go to museums or other cultural events, or celebrate religious feasts in a big way, or have long vacations, or have vacations when we need or want them. We haven’t even been to the library in a very long time (although they do use their school libraries, and the older kids walk to the public library every day to be picked up). Reading aloud has to happen in the evening, and we may or may not be in the mood. Religious education has to be crammed in here and there. And summer vacation is criminally short. We have to be really judicious about our free time, and there’s never enough of it.
.
8. It’s harder to find time for religious practices. We used to be able to build any Holy Day or observance of the liturgical year into our day. Now it’s hard not to feel like HDOs are a burden, because we have to schlep to the next town in the dark at the end of a long day, rather than taking a day off school and baking a cake in honor of the Blessed Virgin. We have to fight to celebrate Advent while all the other families are already halfway done with Christmas. And so on.
.
The benefits to our kids and our family:
.
1. It’s a relief to have someone else in charge of the crappy, boring stuff. It just is. I never have to teach place value again. I never have to look at a periodic table unless I want to, which I don’t. I love this relief, and I’m not ashamed to admit it! I enjoy sharing certain books, music, art, and ideas with the kids, and I can let someone else handle the draggy stuff. Woo hoo! When I help them with homework, it’s always a wonderful reminder that we made the right choice to quit home school.
 
2. The kids are involved in things they never would have been involved with — extracurricular things, like band, choir, drama, Shakespeare club, ropes courses, field trips to D.C. and New York City — and academic things, like advanced math and science courses, silver smithing, Mandarin, science fairs — that we either couldn’t afford, or didn’t know how to access, or didn’t have the energy or expertise to pursue. These things were all available to us as home schoolers in theory; but in practice, they weren’t coming into our lives.
Also, this may seem trivial, but the kids enjoy class parties like you wouldn’t believe. I tried to make holidays special at home, but Valentine’s Day and Halloween and such are much more fun for the kids when they whoop it up with their class.
.
3. We desperately need structure. With twelve people in the house, anarchy is always right around the corner. Even when I had a set schedule for home school, it was too easy to fudge it, and get nothing done, or never get dressed, or never leave the house. I need externally-imposed structure, or I return to muck. If I know I have to leave the house at 2:30, I finish my writing and plan dinner by 11 a.m. 99% of the time. If I know I’ll be home all day, well . . .

4. The kids get teachers who are trained in how to teach. In our charter school (which is K-8), the classes are small and there are teacher’s aides who can work with the kids individually, and they have much better success than I do, especially in math.  I know, I know, I’ve been to college, and anyway I’m their mother, and that makes me an expert in my kids. That was enough as long as I was teaching a kid who didn’t actively resist whatever I was teaching; but it wasn’t enough for when we hit a stone wall. Sometimes, I just plain wouldn’t know how to do it, and so it didn’t get done. In theory, I could tailor the lessons to the kids’ individually-appropriate learning styles; but in practice, I was only one person, with limited patience and imagination and zero training, and I was too overwhelmed to go into depth with any of the myriad tips and guides for how to teach in various ways.

Many of our kids’ teachers have been good, and a few are truly great. I was afraid the kids would get a mediocre education, but they’re actually getting quite a good one. It’s not necessarily the same kind of education I once hoped to give them, but in some ways, it’s better.

5. It’s been good to have help from experts. This is more private, so I’ll be vague, but we have benefited from the advice of experts who are trained to notice when kids could use outside help. I don’t think anyone would have picked up on these issues if we had been home schooling, because no one else would have spent enough time with our kids to notice them; and that would have been a huge loss. And it’s also been a gateway revelation for me, making me more open to the idea of getting help for myself when I need it.

6. We are off each other’s backs, which is good for kid-kid relationships and for kid-parent relationships. There are a lot of introverts in our family, and we get along better when we’re not on top of each other all the time. We like spending time with each other, and we love each other, and the kids play together and do projects together; but we seem to recharge with some time apart. We’re all happier when our relationship is not colored by the emotional and psychological stress that went along with academic work. Which is a fancy way of saying that my kids aren’t always mad at me for making them do division drills, and I can look into their pretty faces without thinking, “You don’t know about the War of 1812, and it’s all my fault!”

7. We just meet more people this way, and get exposed to the things that these new people are interested in, and are more confident around people who aren’t like us. My kids have made friends, I’ve made friends, and it’s been great. We’re all way more friendly and outgoing, more confident and socially adept than we used to be.

8. I’ve learned invaluable lessons about parenting and life in general: Not everyone needs to be just like me or my ideal. Most people are actually decent, and don’t mean us harm, and may have something wonderful to offer. I can’t and don’t give my kids everything they need. It’s okay to change my plans. It’s okay to be wrong about stuff, as long as you’re willing to change. Hardly any choice you make will be all good or all bad. And not everything has a simple solution, especially when it comes to people.

And the biggest change of all, which is both good and bad:
We’ve had to accept that we’re not in control. When we were home schooling, I used to lie in bed for hours, literally shaking with terror and guilt over the horrible job I was doing. I would ask myself, “Yes, but would I rather have no control over my kids’ educations? What’s better, to be responsible for absolutely everything, or not to be in charge of anything?”
.
Turns out it was a false dichotomy. If we had been doing a better job in home school, I would have delegated more, so I wouldn’t have been responsible for everything; but now that we’re not home schooling, it’s not as if we’ve completely relinquished our influence over them.

Other people now have a big influence over our kids’ attitudes and what information they’re exposed to. Do they learn things I’m not happy about? Yes indeed. The kids sometimes casually mention some fact that I know is false, and I realize there must be more that I don’t know about. This is probably the scariest part. We have to be on the alert, especially when a kid is taking a history course (what will they teach about the Crusades?) or a biology class (what will they cover in the reproductive unit?). So nu, so it’s called talking to your kid.

But we get to know the teachers for the younger kids, and have learned to trust them; and we check in with our older kids to see what they are reading and learning. We accept that this is part of this kind of schooling. It just is.  I used to believe that teachers were just aching to usurp the parents’ authority. Turns out most of them, as I mentioned, just want to educate kids, and they love it when parents get involved. The schools are good about keeping us in the loop  — for instance, we could opt out of the sex ed sessions in middle school, and we have to give written permission for the high school kids to watch movies.

More importantly, it was always true that I was not in control of how my kids turn out. I just wasn’t able to face that fact. Learning to live with that has been one of the hardest, most valuable lessons of parenthood and of life in general.
.
Would this have happened if we had continued to home school? Who knows? God is flexible, and He can tell you the things He wants you to hear no matter when and how you decide to start listening. For us, making the change in how we educate our kids was opening to the door to some of the best things we have now.

And I got away with it, too!

When I was in high school, I worked at McDonald’s, and eventually secured the primo position of Drive Thru First Window. In that spot, you only have to talk to people and collect money, and you rarely touch food, or clean up grease, or get your forearm branded by a white-hot fry basket.

Still, it got boring, so I used to amuse myself by using a heavy German accent when I was talking through the speaker. “Velcome to Mick Donaldtss!” I would greet each customer ponderously. “Und may I interrrrrest you in an Ahhhch Deluxe?” Everyone was invariably painfully courteous and patient while I struggled to take their order completely and accurately and to find my way around the presumably foreign jumble of cash register buttons that were not in my native tongue.

Then they would get up to the window, and I would just talk in my regular voice.

And I got away with it, too! No one ever said, “HEY, weren’t you just German a minute ago?” I have a distinctive croaky voice, too, so they must have known it was still me. Ha ha. Boy, I enjoyed that more than I should have.

Now you tell one. What did you get away with, you irresponsible scamp? (Reminder: bloggers are mandatory reporters. No murder confessions, please.)

What’s for supper? Vol. 21: Veg Bad!

Last week, I talked about how much food we actually cook. The same reader also asked about how much our kids help with the cooking. They do a lot more when school is out, of course, but they’re usually involved somehow, because it’s good for them and because I really need help.

For reference, my kids are 17, 16, 15, 13, 11, 10, 8, 6, 4, and 11 months. All but the youngest two are at school until around 3 at the earliest, and I usually don’t get home until 4 or 5 or 6. I generally make dinner in segments, cooking or prepping in the morning, heating it up again in the afternoon, and then adding something right before dinner. My husband usually gets home several hours later, and either reheats dinner or has something frozen.

This week, I had so much green stuff in the house, but I got spooked by listeria, and threw it all away. The action of tossing perfectly good salad into the trash triggered some kind of psychological aversion to vegetables in general, and I was unable to serve any this week, because I love my family.

That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.  Here’s what we had this week, besides veg:

*

SATURDAY
HAM AND CHEESE ON BAGELS; CHEESE PUFFS; COOKIES

On Saturday, Damien and I went to a music festival our 16-year-old daughter was singing in, so we left the others at home to fend for themselves with an easy meal. I ate before we left, because we’d be gone during dinner; and then when we got back, I ate again, because we had been gone during dinner. This is what we call “mindfulness.”

*

SUNDAY
PULLED PORK, RED ONIONS, POTATO PUFFS; ICE CREAM

I had tons of writing to do, so I threw some hazy directions to my 17-year-old daughter about how to start the pork, and then went into my fortress of solitude. (Directions: Put it in a shallow pan, fat side up; pour a can of beer over it, sprinkle it generously with salt and pepper, cover loosely with foil, put in 250 oven for several hours.) My husband checked on it throughout the day. When I emerged, I shredded the pork while my husband sliced onions and put the potato puffs in the oven.

I had mine all heaped up in a fabulous mound of yumminess.

[img attachment=”89678″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”pulled pork on potato puffs” /]

The kids helped by grumbling that there were no rolls.

*

MONDAY
PENNE with MEAT SAUCE

The older kids were home from school for some bogus reason, so in the morning, I had them fry up 1.5 lbs of Italian sausage and 1 lb of ground turkey meat with the leftover onions from the pulled pork. When I got home in the afternoon, I had another kid start water boiling (we use a giant stock pot, since we never cook less than 3 lbs. of pasta). Then I cooked the penne and mixed it with the cooked meat and jarred sauce in a casserole dish and heated the whole thing up.

*

TUESDAY
HOT DOGS, BAKED BEANS

The older kids cooked this meal while I was driving back and forth and back and forth like an idiot. My husband had frozen chicken wings or something.

*

WEDNESDAY
CHICKEN CHIPOTLE (but not that kind of Chipotle) CHILE on BAKED POTATOES

This is a new recipe for us, and my husband and I were the only ones who liked it! Such a disappointment. I used Pioneer Woman’s Chicken Chipotle Chile recipe and served it with baked potatoes, sour cream, salsa, shredded cheese, and cilantro. The kids mostly ate baked potatoes with sour cream, the ungrateful crumbs.

I mean, look at this!

[img attachment=”89680″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”chicken chili on baked potato” /]

I couldn’t even get them to help much, once they heard it was chili. I finally hounded my 11-year-old son into stabbing the potatoes with a fork so they wouldn’t explode it in the oven, and it turns out he paid his 6-year-old sister a nickel to do it for him.

Anyway, the recipe was pretty good. It was hot, with the chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, but not face-hurtingly spicy. I wasn’t bowled over by the taste of chili on potatoes, but my husband liked it.

*

THURSDAY
ONION SOUP with croutons and parmesan; QUESADILLAS; AVOCADOS

Fannie Farmer onion soup, except I use beef broth instead of water. Benny helped with the bouillon cubes, as ever:

[img attachment=”89686″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”benny bouillon” /]

and she also spread melted butter on the ciabetta bread (on clearance at Walmart, which was weird because they don’t have a bakery at this Walmart. But they were on sale!) for croutons:

[img attachment=”89687″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”benny croutons” /]

Her comment: “I LIKE THIS GAME!”

I cooked the onions and croutons in the morning, then finished the soup in the evening. I got the 17-year-old to cut them up for me while I got in a quick fight on Facebook.

[img attachment=”89688″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”lena avocados 2″ /]

I don’t count avocados as veg, because they taste good.

The soup actually went over pretty well, although some of the kids just had croutons and quesadillas. The rule is that I will make one large quesadilla for each kid, and anyone who wants more can cook it himself. Also, if you make yourself a second quesadilla, you have to agree to make a second for any little kid who wants one.

You’d think onion soup, quesadillas, and avocados would be kind of a weird combination, but it was actually great, very balanced and satisfying.

[img attachment=”89689″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”quesadillas and onion soup” /]

My husband got home late, and had leftover chili, with quesadillas which he made himself.

[img attachment=”89690″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”quesadillas and chili” /]

My gosh, it’s like we’re living at Applebee’s or something. Maybe even a TGIFridays! There are some rusty bicycles outside. I bet I could hang them on the wall, serve watery beer, and make a milllllllllllion dollars.

*

FRIDAY
MAC and CHEESE; CARROTS and HUMMUS

I made this this morning, yay me. Just need to make some buttered breadcrumbs for the topping. I got help from Corrie, who cleaned off the whisk for me.

[img attachment=”89691″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”corrie whisk” /]

My mac and cheese recipe is from Fannie Farmer, except I double the cheese. I use milk, no cream.

I intend to spend the rest of the day working on one of my own favorite recipes:

[img attachment=”89692″ align=”aligncenter” size=”full” alt=”tearwater tea” /]

Bah.

Wella-hella-hella, what’s for dinner at your house?

Why did we really quit home school . . . and how’s it going? Part I

Earlier this week, I wrote about getting rid of the last of our home school books, which we hadn’t touched for over six years. I talked a bit about why I kept them around so long, and why it was so hard to make the decision not to home school anymore — especially considering that the photo above was taken on the first day of school, while I was teaching in the next room.

The feral kid is fine, by the way. Wears pants and everything.

Two readers asked for a follow-up of Tuesday’s post:

I was wondering if you could say a few more words about how sending your kids to school is helping your family.  What are the benefits that those of us on the homeschool side are missing?  I have always wondered what it would be like to send the kids to school.  How has your family benefited from this choice?

and

I would be really interested to hear your specifics: what were your fears and why they weren’t rational, why didn’t you feel that the “blessings” that are supposed to accompany homeschooling were being realized, how traditional school has benefited your kids/parenting, and how did you discern the difference between frustrations that indicate homeschooling is the objectively wrong choice for your family and frustrations that are simply tempting you to give up something worth it but hard. That last one is, I think, the crux of people’s conundrums.

First, I want to be clear that I’m talking about my and our experience. I don’t have any grand theories about education in general, and I know there are as many different ways to do it as there are people, and then some. I write about our transition mainly to help other people sort through their experiences. I never encourage people to quit home schooling! For many people, home schooling is the best choice (and for many others, it’s the least bad choice). I only encourage people, especially unhappy parents, to realize that change is not necessarily the same as failure.

But you’re busy, so I’ll condense my thoughts into a quick pull quote:

I think that all home schoolers are arrogant, repressed weirdos, and I am gleeful about turning my children over to the state so they can catch atheist HPV from Dungeons and Dragons. And I say this because I’m bitter and feel guilty.  Now leave me alone so I can give my kids their Adderall-n-bits, which I serve them with a side dish of not learning cursive.

 

Tee hee. I must have my leetle joke. Well, this post is turning out way, way longer than I expected, so I’m breaking it into two parts. Next time, I’ll talk more about the specific benefits and drawbacks of traditional classroom schooling. 
.
This time, I’ll answer the other questions my readers asked.
 .
What were my fears, and were they rational?
 .
I was afraid that they just plain wouldn’t learn anything, at all. Not rational. In fact, they are getting a far, far better education than I did, and a more well-rounded one.
 .
I was afraid that the schools would be forcing all kinds of loathsome cultural agendas down our kids’ throats. In fact, most of the teachers are just trying to get kids interested in learning. They don’t get paid enough to be in it just to pervert anyone. They just want to teach, and they’re passionate about their subjects. We don’t agree with them about every last thing, but they respect our authority, and we really appreciate their devotion.
 .
I was super afraid of picking up germs. For us, not rational. Other than a few bouts of head lice (which is no fun, but not the end of the world), we aren’t any sicker or healthier than we used to be when we were home schooling; and no, my kids are not great about washing their hands before eating.
 .

I was afraid we would be scorned and rejected because we’re a big, weird, Catholic family and we dress kind of funny and our van is dirty. This didn’t happen (or maybe I just don’t know about it! Either way, no worries). Well, the high school kids think our van is creepy, because they’ve been told that vans are creepy, but oh well. The high school kids do have to put up with some trash talk about religious people, but they can take it. Not a bad thing to get used to dealing with.  In our charter school, which goes up to grade 8, there is nothing of the kind. We feel right at home, we have guests over, the kids have friends, the other moms talk to me, etc.
.

And I’ve learned that lots of people, even those who look like they’ve really got their act together, feel like they don’t fit in, so I try to work harder to be welcoming, rather than being defensive against people who I’m afraid won’t welcome us.

 .
I was obscurely afraid that someone would report us to someone for something. I had very deeply ingrained fears of child protective services prying into our family life and taking my kids away because we pray the rosary or have frayed shoelaces (even though, in our state, CPS is actually under fire for being too lax, and for not prying enough into the lives of children in danger). Not a rational fear. I’ve heard horror stories about overzealous government agencies, and some of them are surely true, but many turned out to be false or incomplete. We aren’t cavalier — I have to watch what I say in public, because there are busybodies who can’t take a joke — but I’ve learned to take scary stories with a grain of salt, and also not to submerge myself in paranoia by listening to talk radio and reading websites devoted to alarmism.
 .

Why weren’t the blessings of homeschool being realized?

.

All the reasons. Maybe it would have worked if we had had some spending money; maybe it would have worked if we had had an active, thriving, supportive home schooling community; maybe it would have worked if I hadn’t been pregnant and struggling with debilitating anxiety; maybe it would have worked if we had had no other choice. Maybe it would have worked if I had been a Chinese jet pilot. I just don’t know. But I could see that things wouldn’t improve without drastic changes, and drastic changes didn’t seem possible.
 .
Some of these blessings were being realized, but not often enough to offset the bad stuff.
 .
And, as it turned out, some of them were achievable without home schooling! We still spend lots of time together, play, work, read, sing, dance, pray, and goof around together. We’re still us. We still value what we value, we still influence our kids enormously, and we still call the shots.
 .
How did I discern the difference between the frustration of “this is hard but worthwhile” and the frustration of “this is just not working”? 
 .

I knew that I couldn’t do everything, and that home schooling meant that other things would be sacrificed. But at a certain point, everything was being sacrificed, and nothing was being done well. The kids weren’t learning as much as I wanted them to, they weren’t having good extra-curricular experiences, the house was a wreck, dinner was out of control, we were broke all the time, and I was in an agony of anxiety at all times, and would have emotional breakdowns regularly. It wasn’t just that some things were getting the short end of the stick — it was that there was no long end.This being the case, I started asking some hard questions about why we were still doing it, if the benefits were so few and far between. I realized that it came down to pride, guilt, and fear: those were my main motivators.
.

Pride: I wanted to be That Amazing Home Schooling Family, rather than That Family With Happy, Stable, Educated Kids. That’s-a no good.

.

Guilt: My sister once said that someone gave them a couple of pretty white couches. She immediately covered them with slipcovers, to keep them from getting dirty. Some time later, she realized that the slipcovers had to stay on, or else everyone would see how dirty her couches were. She had no idea when the transition happened, but there it was. I was home schooling, in part, because somewhere along the line I had transitioned from protecting my kids from the outside world, to hiding my kids from the outside world. And as it turns out, I had some things to regret. There were some ways that I hadn’t done well by my kids, it hurt for other people to see this. But it had to happen, if I wanted things to change.
.

Fear: Well, I think I’ve covered this one. I also had a lot of fears about the kids getting shot, getting kidnapped, etc., if they were out of my sight, and I really had to be weaned off this. We are still careful about safety, of course, but I no longer feel like it’s inherently dangerous for my kids to be away from me.

 .
***
Phew, I guess that’s enough for one day! Next time (probably next week), I’ll get into some specifics about how traditional schooling has been good for our kids and for our family, and I’ll also discuss some of the drawbacks and how we deal with them.

Love in the time of Zika

This is how it always is: we see suffering, and we want to solve it with death. It’s a call-and-response, and here’s the worst of it: the far right does it just as much as the far left. Radical left-wingers think we can improve the world by cleansing the world of defective babies; radical right-wingers think we can improve the world by turning our heads while the third world quietly dies in misery.

Read the rest at the Register.

Old movie review: HARD TIMES is Charles Bronson at his best

Looking for an understated, beautiful, well-crafted movie with plenty of punching, but not too much punching?  Hard Times (1975) with Charles Bronson and James Coburn hits the spot.

There’s not much plot. A quiet drifter named Chaney (Bronson, obviously) comes into town, and quickly makes his name as a formidable street fighter. He begins and ends an uncomfortable relationship with a Lucy, large-eyed, lonely, woman (Jill Ireland), and has a falling-out with his reckless manager, Speed (Coburn). He agrees to a final, high-stakes fight, and then moves along.

I couldn’t take my eyes of Charles Bronson. The guy looks like an actor; but in his other movies, you sometimes have to exercise patience when he opens his mouth. Not in so Hard Times. This role was made for him. As a lady person, I’m not especially interested in fighting, so I was watching carefully to see how Bronson moved, and it was incredibly compelling, really beautiful and evocative. Without saying a word (and usually without changing the placid, patient expression on his Bronsonface), he told you everything about his attitude toward other people — those whose butt he’s kicking, and anyone else he has to deal with, too. No wasted emotion, no wasted action.

If you, like me, are feeling a little itchy over our current choices of the shiny-faced hero boys and cerebral, neurotic, tormented leading men, I present Charles Frickin’ Bronson:

Oh, man.

My husband thinks maybe (minor spoiler) Chaney and Lucy are actually husband and wife, and the complicated situation with her husband in jail, and her disgust with his failure to commit — this is their already-established situation. Maybe! Or maybe they know each other in some other way; or maybe they are just the kind of people who are always in these situations, and they know each other just because they’ve fought this fight before.

The soundtrack is contemporaneous with the Depression-era setting, which I enjoyed (and the setting is meticulously recreated and very persuasive); but I bet if someone re-scored the soundtrack with edgy Indy songs, it would blow everyone’s minds.

It’s only 93 minutes, and doesn’t waste a speck of your time. I’ll be on the lookout for other films by the director, Walter Hill.  Hill says:

My heroes usually have a very talkative foil opposite them or reluctantly alongside them, such as Bruce Dern in The Driver, or Eddie Murphy in 48 Hrs, or James Coburn in Hard Times. I like the kind of dialogue between people who have a mutual goal but very disparate appetites and needs, so that there’s always a kind of friction that runs throughout the film. They don’t like each other very much, and hopefully the movie supplies a reason for them to achieve a grudging kind of respect for each other.

Worked for me.  This movie is available for streaming on Netflix and Amazon Prime.

Today, I Quit Home School (six years ago)

See what’s out by the garbage cans? It’s a lovely collection of books that would be useful for any serious home schooler. Latin, grammar, science, and Saxon math with answer guide! This is primo stuff. Or it would be, if these books weren’t thoroughly waterlogged, crushed, frozen, smeared with driveway grit and rock salt, and — oh, naturally — peed on by the dog.

Here’s how it happened. We home schooled for about six years, starting about twelve years ago. It was the right thing to do at the time, and I’m glad we did it, even though it was awfully hard. We have sweet memories from that time. We’re still our kids’ primary educators, and we’ve retained a lot of the nice habits from when we were their school teachers.

Once we decided to enroll some kids in traditional classroom schools, we still home schooled a few of them. I kept all our materials, for all the grades, because I figured we’d still be using them; and besides, maybe we’d be yanking everyone out of the classroom and bringing them home again! In fact, probably! Better hold onto it all.

Then, once we enrolled all the kids in various schools, I gathered up all the home schooling stuff and stored it together on one shelf. Naturally, we’d be supplementing their education with whatever the schools couldn’t manage to do, and anyway, our kids had learned to love knowledge so much, we’d be dipping into these books just for fun, surely. We still need them.

Then, one year, I gave the house a deep cleaning, and I had to admit that we hadn’t touched some of this stuff in years. So I threw out the most raggedy materials, passed some on to other moms, and kept only the things that seemed really useful — if not to us, then to someone, surely. Eventually. Some of it had been really hard to find, especially on our limited budget. I wasn’t going to just let them pass out of our hands, just like that.

A few years after that, I heard myself tell the kids they could find something — scissors, paperclips, I forget — on the “home school shelf.” And I says to myself, I says, “Crazy person, that is not a home school shelf. That is an Office Supplies and Stubborn Delusion Shelf. You are not a home schooler. You are not a home schooler.

These books were just taking up space, in my house and in my heart. No matter how happy I was with our current schools, those books were crouching there like doomsday preppers, hoarding their knowledge, sheltering their little fantasy paradise of gathering in educational bliss around the hearth (which we don’t have), whispering to me that the life we were living now was some kind of temporary, alternate life, that it was something we were doing in the meantime, until we could get back to  . . . something. Meanwhile, in Real Education Land, poeta puellae magnas rosas dat . . . o, poeta . . .

Never mind that, in the public school system, my kids were learning Mandarin. We were totally going to get back to Latin, someday. Spontaneously, in our spare time, because we’re home schoolers at heart, and home schoolers love learning.

It was like trying to watch a movie, but just off to the side, on a little inset of the screen, was a second movie, which was paused in the middle of the action. I could ignore it most of the time, but it still was there, and I couldn’t forget it. Every time I caught a glimpse of it, I felt like I was missing out on something, and I couldn’t focus on the story we were actually in the middle of.

So, about a month ago, I went on one more cleaning rampage. I grabbed a box from Aldi and crammed in as many books as I could fit. Whatever didn’t fit got tossed. Whew.

Then, I drove around town with those books in the van for maybe six months, meaning and meaning to drop them off at the Salvation Army or the thrift shop or the book bin at the supermarket. But I never got around to it.

Then my husband needed to bring some stuff to the dump, so he took the seats out of the van, and also some stray bags and boxes, including this box of books. I saw it, and meant to bring it inside.

But I didn’t.

And didn’t.

And didn’t. And then it snowed, and froze, and rain, and snowed again.

And then the dog peed on it.

Well, I may be crazy, but I’m not that crazy. I threw the pee books out. We’re done homeschooling, for real, six years after the day when we officially had no more kids in home school.

I’m telling you this because sending our kids to a classroom was the scariest thing I have ever done — but it didn’t have to be. Part of the reason it was so hard to get rid of those books was because I had been thoroughly persuaded that home school was always and everywhere and for everyone the best possible choice, and that all other choices were the choices of losers, lazies, compromisers, sell-outs, and the tragically mediocre. I surrounded myself with people who told me that happiness, peace, virtue, and academic brilliance were the realm of home school (although a few public schoolers might accidentally catch a crumb), and that misery, drudgery, degeneracy and folly were the fate of public school kids (although a few might accidentally turn out okay).

I wish I had spent more time reading about all the good things that home school had to offer, and about how it’s normal to struggle sometimes when you’re doing something important; but that it’s also important to look sincerely at your family, and ask yourself what your real reason is for doing what you do. Is it because you’re afraid? Are you sure you know what you’re afraid of? Who are you listening to, actually, and why? Is there anyone you’re avoiding listening to? Why? What part of your psyche does it feed, to keep on the way you’re keeping on?

These are questions I never asked myself. And it was a little to easy to find other home schoolers like me, who could only make it through each day by telling themselves believe that the alternative to home schooling was death.

No wonder I didn’t want to throw away those Saxon answer books. Part of me thought we would die without them.

Well, my friends, we do not home school, and we did not die. We’ve used other schools for as many years as we home schooled. There are good things and bad things about our local public and charter schools, just like there were good things and bad things about our home school.

Learning how to think more clearly about schooling choices has made it easier for me to think more clearly about all sorts of things. Fear is never an honest motivator, and “maybe someday” is not a good theme for decorating your house. Think of all the room you’ll regain, if you can get yourself to clear that space.

I try to keep things in our house that are useful to our family now, and pass along things that would be useful if we were different people. We constantly reassess how well our kids are doing, and ask around for advice when we think we could be doing better. We try to spend time with all different kinds of people. We accept the fact that every choice we make in life has drawbacks. We are still our kids’ primary educators.

And now . . . I have a little extra space on my shelf.

Featured Catholic Artist: Photographer Matthew Lomanno

Usually, in my interviews with Catholic artists, I let the artist and his work speak for themselves; but since one of Matthew Lomanno’s photo essays documents my own family, I can’t resist pointing out that his work is gorgeously textured and evocative, and it presents the good, bad, and weird of life with depth, humor, and pathos.

[img attachment=”88905″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 1″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

Matthew Lomanno, 38, hasn’t always been a photographer. He and his wife, Jessica, met while singing in the choir in high school. They married soon after college graduation, and headed to Texas where Matthew started a master’s degree in philosophy and Jessica joined Teach for America, with a short, intensive training in Houston (where the dorm’s “honeymoon suite” included a romantic set of bunk beds).

The couple lived in Houston for five years before heading back to New England, all the while teaching, writing, and continuing their own studies while growing their family. Lomanno was a Liberal Studies in the Great Books major and Ancient Greek minor at Saint Anselm College, and is an ABD Ph.D. in Philosophy from the University of St. Thomas in Houston. He also continues to pursue an interest in the philosophy of art.

In his 20’s, he used some birthday money to buy a simple camera, photographing cooperative subjects like his sleeping baby and a vase of flowers. He stayed up late experimenting with the camera, working part time jobs, gradually upgrading his equipment and improving his editing skills. He bolstered his income as a youth sports  photographer, and did some work shadowing professional photographers. But, he says, he “kind of backed into” the idea of working full time as a photographer, and was still finding his feet when was first hired by Parable, the magazine of the Diocese of NH.

[img attachment=”88941″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 26″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

In 2011, he went with students from St. Anselm College to work with disabled orphans in Jamaica. (The other faculty member revealed, when they got there, that she was pregnant. Lomanno says he got some photos of her sleeping in the shade.) Blessed Assurance was the first black and white photo essay he had published.

[img attachment=”88907″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 3″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

Here is our interview from October of 2015:

 

You use mainly film cameras, not digital. What’s the difference?

With digital, there is no frame limit, only what my memory card can hold; whereas with film, I have 36 frames per roll, and there’s a process to change rolls. Each frame costs money. Being a born and bred New Englander, there’s a certain amount of thrift.

[img attachment=”88908″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 5″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

So why use film?

It provides an artistic limit. In the digital world, there are endless possibilities of what we can do with an image. Choose after-the-fact color, manipulate any part we want. Film — specifically black-and-white film — limits me in a particular way. I have to be really committed to making this image. It allows me to focus my mind on what’s happening with the image, and composing the frame.

[img attachment=”88909″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 6″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

I use fixed focal lengths; there is no zoom. I might have different lenses on me, but I don’t have that infinite range of zooming possibilities. I have to make a frame with this lens and this film. By giving myself these limits, I can accomplish a lot more.

Tell me more about what it means to use black-and-white film.

The aesthetics are completely unique. It focuses the eye on the form of things. You see what’s going on in a special way, without distractions, that you don’t see with color. Aesthetically, you’re only viewing it in terms of grey tonality. You see the variance of highlights and arcs and midrange tones much more clearly, and it really allows you to see how the picture is composed.

[img attachment=”88910″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 7″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

It’s so outside our everyday experience of the world.

Is that what you’re trying to do as an artist:  trying to take us out of our everyday experience of the world?

Yes and no. One of my favorite photographers says that any time you take a picture of a thing, the resulting photograph is a lie. He’s trying to get away from the idea that there’s some kind of [objective] truth element involved in the artistic act.

The object [that you’re capturing] is two-dimensional: this is what it looks like to the camera. The photographic process, the documentary process, is figuring out how to frame the content in such a way as to make a good picture. I have to make this photograph more interesting than the reality.

[img attachment=”88911″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 8″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

How do you do that?

Say I’m at the March for Life, surrounded by thousands and thousands of like-minded people. If I had a digital camera, I could hold down the shutter and walk around, and that should show what it looked like it some fashion – but it wouldn’t be intentionally made.

I wanted to show the interactions.

[img attachment=”88912″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 9″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

There were maybe a dozen pro-abortion protestors. It’s fun for me, as a Catholic, to show the kind of signs that the pro-abortionists had, versus the anti-abortionists. One group was rather hateful, the other group is not. That’s not the narrative you’ll hear from other sources. It’s always editorialized.

 

So do you have a particular responsibility to show the world in a certain way, as a Catholic photographer, or as a Catholic artist in general? Do you have a duty to editorialize, or can you even help it?

Any fine artist should have a commitment primarily to form, to making beautiful objects. How do I do this, as a Catholic with a somewhat informed intellectual and cultural training?

[img attachment=”88931″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 22″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

Where do I train my camera? Where do I put that work?

[img attachment=”88915″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 10″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

The documentary world, going all around the world, following famines, wars . . . I can’t do that work right now. What am I going to do now? What’s in New Hampshire?

[img attachment=”88917″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 12″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

It took me a long time to figure out that I don’t have to do just the bad stuff that’s happening.  If you look at my work broadly, the Jamaica story or the North Country Priest or the March for Life, these kinds of projects have all been about good things that are happening, good people doing good work. That’s how I’ve allowed my intellectual and faith-filled life to inform my work in terms of content, in terms of where I’m going to train my camera.

[img attachment=”88916″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 11″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

Once I figured that out, I could generate a lot of ideas, like, “How do I photograph the pro-life movement in a clear way?” So much of it is office work, working in the legal system. So I went to the March for Life, to get a glimpse of the energy and excitement, at least for that day.

[img attachment=”88918″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 13″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

There was a sign [at the March for Life that] I didn’t photograph. It was off to the side, but it was huge: “If this is the only thing that you do as a pro-lifer, there’s something wrong.” Some people will think that’s harsh, but I understand that point.

In the hospital documentary, the question I was asking myself was, “What makes this hospital Catholic? How am I going to photograph that?  If it’s not more than the crucifix on the wall, then it’s nothing.”

[img attachment=”88919″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 14″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

In your hospital series, almost all the shots have people making eye contact with other people (in or out of the shot). Was that deliberate – a way to convey what kind of hospital it was? The sort of “pro-life”ness, beyond the crucifix on the wall?

I’m primarily committed, as an artist, to creating beautiful photographs. At the hospital, what I could photograph was basically either medical procedures, or human contact, human interactions.

[img attachment=”88932″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 23″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

You can’t get away from human interaction in the hospital. It was one of the main things that was happening.

[img attachment=”88920″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 15″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

You include captions and a lot of text with your documentaries. How do you decide whether to say things in words, or say things with the images?

It’s a hard balance. You just have to be succinct.  There’s always more to say, and you’re always going to taint the images. You want to amplify the content, not change the form. In Humans of New York, the most popular photo project ever, the success is due not to the photography! The photos are good, not great. He has five or six different ways he photographs a person, and the light is always nice and even. But he’s able to get people to say things to him, as a stranger, that we wouldn’t say to our closest friends. It’s amazing.

[img attachment=”88921″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 16″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

What about when you can’t add a caption, like with a portrait or a headshot? How do you control what you are conveying with an image of someone you don’t really know?

The big thing is being open and receptive to whatever they’re going to give me. When I look through the viewfinder, I see them in a way they may not see themselves.

[img attachment=”88923″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 17″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

I try not to direct people too much, just let them give me what they’re going to give me. I don’t introduce a level of artifice into the situation. With your kids, for instance, my task was more making an interesting frame and composition.

[img attachment=”88926″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 18″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

You have to be careful about the question of knowledge in a portrait. It’s only the people we already know, of whom we can say, “This is a true likeness.” If I present photos of your children to someone with different expectations, they might think they’re miserable kids, because none of them are smiling. People bring a lot of their own knowledge when they’re seeing a portrait.

One of the tests, for me, regarding any work of art, is, “Can I come back to it?” Does it still hold my attention?

[img attachment=”88927″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 19″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

You’ve done a lot of teaching. What kind of ideas did current art students bring to the classroom?

I taught two courses at the NH Institute of Art: Ethics, and The Philosophy of Art. It was a very different culture from what I was used to, not teaching liberally trained students, but art students.

I’ve been trying to get them to think about the art they were pursuing, about what makes it, or any fine art, good or bad. I’ve been trying to get them to think about the dichotomy between form and content.

[img attachment=”88928″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 20″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

A lot of our [current] understanding of fine art is reduced to content. It’s ubiquitous.

When you get them to talk about a specific work, they talk about form, but when they talk about art in general, they talk about content. Artists are supposed to find some insight that no one else has seen before, but they’re not taught to put things together well – they’re just supposed to express their ideas or emotions. That idea has been around since the time of Plato, but I don’t think it’s Aristotle’s view.

What is Aristotle’s view about art?

Plato and Aristotle didn’t write a treatise on art, but if you read closely, especially in Aristotle, they both use art as an exemplum for other ideas. For instance, when Aristotle wants to talk about what nature is in the Physics, he talks about an object in art. There are little bits and pieces like that; you have to kind of hunt.

My goal, through academic writing, is to produce some more popular style piece about art in various forms. In the Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle talks about two different kinds of human activity: moral activity, and artistic activity. Moral is doing; artistic is making.

[img attachment=”88929″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 21″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

Some artistic practices we do every day are cooking dinner, or stacking wood. Anything that’s not a moral activity is an artistic activity.

[img attachment=”88934″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 24″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

I have the benefit now, which I didn’t have then [before I became a photographer], of intentionally practicing an art and seeing it from the inside.

What’s next for you?

Last Spring, I didn’t teach for the first time in eleven years. I don’t know what the future holds. I didn’t plan on being 38 and being a full-time photographer, so I’m not making any predictions about the future. God’s grace has been good enough, so I’m going to ride that wave.

[img attachment=”88937″ size=”full” alt=”lomanno 25″ align=”aligncenter” linkto=”custom”]

***

Matthew Lomanno and his wife Jessica, who writes and edits for Texas Right to Life, live with their four photogenic children, aged 6 to 11, in New Hampshire. He founded and operates the Amoskeag Studio for visual and performing arts in 2013. Lomanno’s website is matthewlomanno.com, where you can see many of his photos, including wedding photos, documentaries, and commercial photography. He also frequently posts on Instagram and Twitter @mplomanno and Facebook on Matthew Lomanno Photography. His latest photo essay, “Healing Body and Spirit,” is now on display at St. Joseph Hospital in Nashua, NH.

All photos used with kind permission of the artist.