At the Register: Show Your Weasel Spirit Who’s Boss

Ten tips for finishing Lent strong, you weasel!

The mailman must wonder . . .

What is the deal with these people?

We wonder, too, Mr. Mailman. We wonder, too.

Seven Frozen Takes, in which yes yes yes, Simcha sings “Let It Go”

 

–1–

As I may have mentioned, last night I sang everybody’s favorite song in the world that is easy to sing and that no one is at all tired of hearing, because Robin met (and beat!) the $4,000 mark for her soap-making enterprise.  I did practice, kind of a lot.  I’m telling you this now, because you definitely will not be able to tell.

 

–2–

Yesterday, I told the kids that if they did their evening chores really quickly, we would be able to watchFrozen, which they hadn’t seen yet. Note: my eight-year-old daughter was on kitchen duty last night. So this morning, I open the cabinet, and find this shoved in the back:

If you can’t tell, that is chili and sour cream.  A pot full of it, plus four bowls full of it.  And it smelled great at 6:15 a.m. after sitting out all night, oh yes it did.

 

–3–

I really liked the movie! I don’t think there was any homophiliac undertones — or if there were, they were the right ones:  hey, maybe you’re born with something that makes it really difficult to interact with other people; but the solution isn’t to just cut yourself off from life.  You’re lovable and valuable, and your job is to control and channel the thing that makes you different so that you become stronger.

Anyway, it could just as easily have been about being autistic, or artistic, or having a weird sense of humor, or whatever.  Things clearly went bad (for herself and everyone she cared about) when she just let her unbridled interior self go on a rampage, so I honestly don’t see what’s to argue with, here.

My only other commentary on this movie is: what did she eat when she was in her frozen castle? She can make ice skates and whatnot with her mind ice, but can she make hamburgers? What was the long-term plan there?

 

–4–

Despite what you will hear me warble, almost nothing bothers me more than being cold. I was blue and oxygen deprived when I was born, and my thyroid is stupid, and I am cold cold cold all the time. When I open the windows to catch a little bit of that sweet springtime breeze, I turn the heat on, because I do no to want to be cold, not even for one second. Well, now they know.

 

–5–

Benny was big-eyed throughout the whole movie, and periodically cried out, “Poor Elfa!  Poor Elfa!” and occasionally, “Poor mottster!” (What the heck was that snow monster for, anyway? They totally didn’t need him.) I thought it was funny that she couldn’t pronounce “Elsa,” which isn’t really hard to say. Then I remembered that I was teaching her the Greek alphabet for a parlor trick the other day.  Alpha! See, she is listening to me! Just not when I say, “Please stop punching Mama’s head, Benny.”

 

–6–

Now I’m just stalling.

 

–7–

And now I’m not.  Just remember, this hurts me more than it does you.

Well, if you think we’ve all suffered enough, why not drop a few bucks in Robin’s goatmilk soap fundraiser?  If we hit the $5,000 mark, I solemnly swear, with the internet as my witness, that I will never again record a video of me singing a power ballad for the purpose of raising money for a goatmilk soap fundraiser. What more could you possibly want?

At the Register: The Evil Child’s Guide to Holy Week

Parents say “Holy Week”; kids hear “Whatcha got?”

Yes, FINE, you raised over $4,000

Time for this big mouth to Google “Let It Go karaoke lower pitch.” And find out if we still have any Percocet in the house.

Stay tuned. And hey, Robin is still hoping to hit the $5,000 mark! Every penny will go to something good and worthwhile, I promise you. It’s much easier to make wonderful soap when you’re not worried about paying for rent and groceries until that first batch sells.  Thank you, so much, to everyone who’s donated so far. Except for Brandon Vogt, and Brandon Vogt knows why.

My interview on Omaha’s Spirit Radio

I had the nicest conversation about my book with Kris McGregor of “Discerning Hearts Presents” yesterday morning. It will be broadcast later this week, and also Saturday morning at 11 am Central. It just went into the online archive, and you can listen here.

The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning ON SALE.

Use this link and get my book directly from Our Sunday Visitor for only $8. You too can have the SGNFP experience, now at a discount . . . BUT FOR HOW LONG????*

* a few weeks

Thank you / Don’t you dare

LOOK WHAT YOU DID!

About 24 hours after I first posted about Robin’s GoFundMe campaign, she is fully funded. She can now get started buying supplies and equipment to make and sell lovely, lovely goat milk soap to support her family. This is amazing. This is wonderful. And I don’t mean to sound smug, but this is utterly predictable, because I knew you guys were this generous! People have been donating, sharing, and offering prayers and encouragement for Robin nonstop. So, so great.  From the bottom of my heart, thank you for helping my friend.

Robin is over the moon, and can’t wait to start ordering supplies. She has been working on setting up her kitchen and figuring out where everything will go.  Now would n’t it be nice if she had a little more wiggle room while she’s getting started? The $3,000 is for supplies and equipment. Anything over and above that amount will go to food, rent, and utility bills, which are still constant worries for Robin and her family.

So, I may have accidentally announced last night that, if Robin’s fund reaches $4,000, I will post a video of myself singing “Let It Go” from Frozen.  People seemed kinda enthusiastic about the idea, so I went ahead and listened to “Let It Go” for the first time, because I’ve been wrapped in a miraculous hermetically sealed cocoon of Let It Go Unawareness so far.

And you know what? FINE, I’ll sing it. It’s a stupid song, and has too many notes, but I suppose you all have to work your time off purgatory somehow.

So if you haven’t donated, please consider it! If you haven’t shared Robin’s page on Facebook or Twitter or what have you, please share! If you, for some penitential reason, want to hear and see me singing this sucky little song which is exactly the kind of music I hate the most and am entirely unsuited to perform, then spread the word! We can do this (don’t you dare).

Polio and Mumps are manageable diseases

Here’s something I just saw on Facebook, in response to an article about lies spread by pro-vaccine doctors:

These illnesses are manageable. Here are some children managing polio:

PIC children with polio on all fours

And here is a baby managing whooping cough (pertussis):

I’m closing comments on this because there is NOTHING TO SAY. I understand being afraid of vaccines. As with so many worthwhile things, vaccines have some risk. But to say that the diseases they prevent are “manageable” — well, there is nothing to say, except stay the hell away from my kids. I like them breathing.

 

At the Register: Teaching Contempt for Rules

Yay, my hometown made national news! Boo, my hometown is exactly like I remember it, which is why I’m here and not there.