Betcha wish you were me, don’t you? Nine kids, fifteen years of parenting under my belt, confident, levelheaded, never get rattled, never overreact, that’s me.
And that, my friends, is why my husband and I spent three hours in the emergency room with the baby last night, to come home with this official diagnosis:
On the plus side, I, um, oh.
(It won’t let me load up the image for some reason.)
This week has been an experiment to see whether two rather sedentary adults can accomplish the work of five strong men, sleeping an average of four non-consecutive hours per night, and sustained by little more than beer, deli ham, and Laffy Taffy:
(Oh, so the answer is: “Yes, but unnnnnghhhhhhhh.”)
So here are seven things I never got around to blogging about:
–1–
Maybe someday, if we need a house, we will just print one up. I was going to say something about how such houses would be lacking in the charm that only traditional stick-built homes can afford, but then I looked around and, yeah. Charm. We once hired a guy to replace our front door, because whoever designed our house graduated Magna Cum Stupido from the Dr. Suess Academy of Ridiculous Architecture. After watching him struggle with the angles for over an hour, I apologized to him for how crookedy it all was. “Aw, that’s okay,” he said. “Anyone can work on a straighthouse!” So, that’s why we live here. W. H. Auden would approve.
–2–
Probably everybody’s seen this already, but my kids got a kick out of this Star Wars bloopers reel:
–3–
Here’s a thought-provoking post that uses that odious “What’s Your Excuse?” meme as a springboard for some even more interesting ideas about the “self-improvement culture” and what health really means. Long but fascinating.
–4–
Quickie: The reality of what food stamps cost all of us
–5–
I suppose you’ve already met the worst person in the world. I’m happy to report that, when we went trick-or-treating last night, there was no visible judgment from anyone, even though we had three teenaged trick-or-treaters and one baby trick-or-treater. (And yes, the candy really was for her. Although she shared it with the dog, who has a special weakness for lollipops.)
We also saw zero (0) sexy costumes. Probably because it was cold and rainy, but really! Three cheers for the backlash!
Of our own costumes, we took very few non-terrible pictures, but here are a few of my kids:
Ash from Army of Darkness:
The kid who went from door to door saying “Alms for the bodiless” instead of “trick or treat”:
A puppy, who wore this beloved costume for four months nonstop last year, even through the sweltering heat, because of reasons very much like this:
Here is our weeping angel getting ready:
Her finished costume got mixed reviews, mainly because (a) it turns out it’s hard to spraypaint feathers, maybe because they are, oh yeah, designed to be moisture repellent; and (b) we spent six weeks planning and about twelve minutes actually executing.
We also had a cat fairy, River Song, and 2D from Gorillaz (because we are the family your mother warned you about). The baby was “Baffled Two-Year Old Who Fell Asleep in the Car on the Way Home from School and Continued Sleeping Until It Was Time to Go Trick-or-treating, So We Just Put a Fluffy Scarf on Her and It Was Cute” girl. Oh, and a princess:
Sorry the pics are so dark. We’re getting thunderstorms here, and if I delay posting this any longer (to lighten up the pics), I’m going to lose my internet. You get the general idea. Lotsa candy, happy night. We’re going to watch The Birds andSigns with the older kids, as part of our prolonged weekend of spookiness.
–6–
God bless this amazing young woman protecting an apparent neo-nazi from a mob:
There were shouts of “Kill the Nazi” and the man began to run – but he was knocked to the ground. A group surrounded him, kicking him and hitting him with the wooden sticks of their placards.
Mob mentality had taken over. “It became barbaric,” says Thomas.
“When people are in a crowd they are more likely to do things they would never do as an individual. Someone had to step out of the pack and say, ‘This isn’t right.’”
So the teenager, then still at high school, threw herself on top of a man she did not know and shielded him from the blows.
“When they dropped him to the ground, it felt like two angels had lifted my body up and laid me down.”
–7–
And finally: Hundreds of proofs of God’s non-existence and counting!
Don’t forget to check out Jennifer Fulwiler’s blog for the rest of the Seven Quick Takes. And, because I am special, I saw the cover of Jen’s new book, and yes, it is magnificent, and perfect.
Now that I posted about Lou Reed, I feel a little more comfortable slipping into mommy blog territory for a minute. I just signed up to bring treats for my kid’s Halloween party. I actually love doing things like this, but I know I’m going to be busy this week. If you’re making Halloween treats, here are a few possibilities for projects that you can figure out how to do without reading the directions:
A few years ago, I made these:
and achieved the holy grail of internet-inspired treats: THEY TURNED OUT EXACTLY LIKE THE PICTURE. Very easy, if somewhat time consuming, and the kids loved them. Apple slices, peanut butter, mini marshmallows. Here’s a variation with almond slivers (and no, the kids did not care that the apples had browned a bit):
You could also use halves of cookies for the lips and pink icing for the gums, if you have to go nut-free (but check the cookie ingredients to make sure they’re safe).
I think we will go with these this year:
Pretzel rods dipped in candy coating. I think you could also use white chocolate with a spoonful of oil, and it might be cheaper. They say to use a special edible marker to make the faces, but you could use any number of other things while the coating is still wet – chocolate sprinkles, maybe raisins, chocolate chips.
You could also use melted chocolate with a spoonful of oil, and just fling on some black and orange sprinkles or whatever. Lots of possibilities here:
Kids are always really impressed by these, for some reason, especially if you present lots of varieties to choose from.
Here’s something a little more complicated (unless you buy pre-made cookies) but still simple and effective: gingerbread skeletons.
Most effective if your cookies turn out dark, which not all recipes do.
And I know my kid’s teacher has a pretty good sense of humor, but she may or may not be thrilled if I bring this in.
BUT IT’S SO HEALTHY!
How about you? Did you make any rash promises? Any disasters to report?
No setting traps for the baby just because you’re bored.
Or if you must, no using the last of the ham as bait.
apples, brussel sprouts, and three nuts
These booklets appeared in our pews a few weeks ago:
I will admit, I saw the cover and thought, “Ut-oh. Glass-walled church, buncha laymen cluttering up the altar . . . this can’t be good.” Well, the cover is the only ishy part. The book itself is great.
The format is simple: words of the Mass on the left, color coded explanations on the right.
They explanations are more than just the standards “sit, stand, kneel, listen to the priest.” They explain what “epiclesis” means (I’ll admit, I didn’t already know), what “eucharist” means; why we make a cross on our forehead, lips, and breast; and when we are seeing bread and wine, and when we are now seeing the real body and blood of Christ.
It says “for kids,” but there’s no reason an adult couldn’t use this missal as a guide. I suspect it was designed as a way to stealthily catechise parents who are helping their kids follow along. Altogether nicely written and designed, easy to follow, meaty and free of fluff.
The booklet is cheap – just $1.87 on Amazon — and rather flimsy. This means, of course, that parishes would be able to afford buying copies for everybody. I do wish they would put out a hardcover edition so we could buy them for ourselves, though. Anyway, if you’re looking for a children’s missal with the new translation of the Mass, I’ve never seen a better one. If you have the cash, you might consider buying a few hundred as a gift to your church.
Jennifer Fitz reviewed it here in 2011, and I’m glad to see she liked it, too.
You can order it on Amazon here.
The other day on the Register, someone commented,
What is the point of blogging about your personal life? So you don’t like to camp and your dog took a crap in your filthy house. Very nice.
Yeah, well, the difference between this lady and me is that, when I write unpleasant, pointless stuff that nobody cares about, I get paid for it. Ha ha!
But I have actually been making an effort to defilthify my house lately, going so far as to clean out what I think of as “passive granola” that has accrued in my cabinets. I also put away the snow pants that everyone has been stepping over to get out the front door, because it’s August already, and winter is practically over. Fancy, eh?
I worried a little bit that, if I keep up this pace, I’ll lose all the street cred I gained when I wrote one of my most shared posts ever: Seven Decorating Tips from House Horrible Magazine, which documents the exact moment when we abandoned home school and just started teaching the kids poker.
But I should not have worried. My seven-year-old daughter picked some berries, and wanted to reserve them for herself. I suggested putting a lid on the container, and maybe leaving a note. This is what she wrote:
I really like the quiet menace behind “Boys change your mind.” I see a bright future for this kid. If we can only figure out some way she can get paid for writing this stuff . . .
I don’t usually do product reviews, but I’m so pleased with the birthday present we just gave our six-year-old daughter! It’s the Pet Vet Center by Lakeshore Learning Materials.
I thought it was kind of pricy at $29.99, but ordered it anyway because I was in a rush. Turns out it’s really high quality. The puppy is extremely sturdy and much bigger than I expected, and the legs are jointed, so you can pose it. The cards and other accessories are heavy and durable. The biggest surprise was the stethoscope. It actually works! We’ve had a LOT of doctor sets in our day, and the stethoscope usually works about as well putting a glass on a wall. But with this one, the sounds are very clear and very loud. You can hear your heart beating and your gut swishing around. Very cool.
It doesn’t come with a carrying case, but the box is very strong and looks like it will last. Overall, a very nicely designed toy, very appealing and sturdy, and made with actual kids in mind.
I ordered it through Amazon. As with all the Amazon products I link to, I get a small percentage of any sale made (including any product on Amazon. So if you click on a link I post on a book review, browse around, and end up ordering Epsom salts and a package of underwear, I still get a percentage).
Our summer is turning out a little bit too much like this:
My go-to solution is a read-aloud book, to at least save some part of the day we had rued. Despite having written dozens of posts about good books for kids, I’m having a hard time finding something suitable. My goal is just to have something pleasant and enjoyable to do together, and not necessarily to tick off any Indispensible Classics from our Well Rounded Children list. (I save the list for reciting to myself in the middle of the night, so as to make sure I have something to feel guilty about.)
Any suggestions? Adventure/humor would be best, something boys and girls would like. Kids I’m targeting are ages 9-15, and I’m aiming for the higher end of that group. In the past, they’ve enjoyed of course the Narnia books, LOTR, some George MacDonald, Freddy the Pig books, The Phantom Tollbooth, Robert Nye’s retelling of Beowulf, and Jack Tales.
I just started Alice in Wonderland, but we may ditch it, just because we’re all a little more familiar with it than I realized.
Help me!
EDITED TO ADD:
Oh, and if you have something to recommend, it would be very helpful if you could mention (a) the age range of the kids who enjoyed it, and (b) a little bit about the book – plot, tone, etc. Thanks!
family reunion of a couple of years ago, when there were only 33 cousins
I posted this on Facebook this morning, and it got 218 likes in 38 minutes. So I figured it was something people need to hear! From our trip to the beach yesterday:
Lady at the beach: “Are these ALLLLL your children?”Me: “No, actually, I have two more at home.”Her: “Two more! So how many in all?”Me: “I have nine children.”Her: “OH, GOD HAS BLESSED YOU! MOTHER MARY IS WITH YOU! YOU’RE DOING A BEAUTIFUL JOB!”Did not see that coming!
