August 2013 – Page 2 – SIMCHA FISHER

Say what you like about the tenets of bashing people’s heads in . . .

at least it’s an ethos! According to Philip Primeau of Catholic Lane. He responds tomy little romp through the pecadillos of our hero Putin with this manly thrashing (emphasis mine):

The fact is, Mrs. Fisher and Mr. Shea do not scorn Putin because of his disregard for Christian values—which he is struggling mightily to restore, however spotted his own soul may be—but because of his disregard for the dangerous ideals of the Enlightenment. These liberal ideals, such as “freedom of speech” and “freedom of religion,” are sacred to many Catholics, despite the church’s longstanding contempt for such intellectual licentiousness.

Yep, you heard it here first: The Catholic Church has longstanding contempt for liberal ideals, such as “freedom of speech” and “freedom of religion.”

If John Paul II were alive today, he’d be punching Philip Primeau in the back of the head when no one was looking.

Lots of siblings = low divorce rate?

Interesting little tidbit on CatholicCulture.org:

Sociologists from Ohio State University have found that children from large families have markedly lower divorce rates.

The equation that emerged after a 40-year study, involving a sample of 57,000 American adults, was simple: The more siblings you had as a child, the less likely you were to be divorced as an adult. The researchers don’t offer an explanation for this phenomenon—in fact they seem to be stumped—but they know it’s not because the children from large families don’t marry. On the contrary, they’re more likely to marry, and more likely to stay married, than their small-family counterparts.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from listening to smart people argue, it’s that no study ever actually tells you anything definitively — or at least, by the time the headlines trickle down to laymen, there’s no way of telling what actually happened or what it means.

But as someone with seven siblings, married to a man with seven siblings, whose children each have eight siblings, this study caught my eye. CatholicCulture.orgmakes a blithe conclusion about the causation:

We already know that among married couples who don’t use contraceptives, the rate of divorce approaches zero. Obviously these couples are more likely to have multiple children. So by eschewing contraceptives, a married couple is taking a huge step to guard against divorce—not only for themselves, but for their children as well.

I think it’s got to be more complicated than that. It’s not as someone’s Essure doohickey backfires on day and then BAM, their worldview is transformed. There has to be some steps in between (a) not using contraception and (b) having a good marriage.

I have long held that the non-contraceptive marriage is long-lasting because the non-contraceptive marriage is likely to be founded on religious faith, and that that is what holds the family together.

And it’s not pretty to think, but there must also be some couples who don’t contracept, who are religious, and who stay together despite abuse and serious disfunction, just because their community of religious friends and family would shun them if they divorced (yes, even with a legitimate annulment. I’ve seen it happen).

On a more positive note, here are a few other things which must contribute to the longevity (and, it is to be hoped, the strength and happiness) of marriages between people with lots of siblings, religious or not:

There’s the example of other married couples. If no one you know is married, what are you gonna do when you’re not getting along with your spouse? Freak out, assume the marriage was a horrible mistake, and split up. But if you’ve seen other people — people who are sort of like you, because they’re family — get past bad stuff, and if you can get their advice, then that’s invaluable.

There’s babysitters and other kinds of help. Of course this assumes that your siblings are willing and able to help; but if there are lots of them, chances are someone will pitch in if you need something — a babysitter, a short loan, some baby clothes, an extra set of hands painting the house, or whatever. Marriages always do better when there is help available.

And there’s the example of the long view of what marriage is for. Very often, I hear married people with a very young family talking as if raising a family is some kind of 18-year project, where you spend X amount of dollars to achieve a satisfactory outcome. That they’re doing something important but temporary when they have a child, and that they will be able to get back to their real lives once the kid leaves home.

It’s a lot harder to fall for this crap if you go to a huge family reunion where there is a big, unwieldy mess of cousins, aunts, and uncles; maybe your mother is pregnant at the same time as one of your sisters; maybe your niece is pregnant at the same time as her mother. Maybe one family is staying with another family. Some people are doing well, some not so great; some are following their plans, and others have blown so far off course, they can’t even recognize their former lives. But they’re okay. You see the family spread out in what my father used to refer to, in tones of mock horror, as “the rich tapestry of life.”

Once you see that, it’s a lot easier to remember that you’re in this for the long haul. Not for your personal satisiaction, not to produce a successful offspring like a science project that you can fold up and put away at the end of the day . . . but because having a family is what people do, overall.

Well, what do you think? What have I missed? I know I have an especially close and supportive family. If you’re from a large family, what effect do you think it’s had on your marriage, for good or bad?

My book’s first review, and a giveaway!

My book isn’t even available for pre-order yet, but it already got a good review!

Bearing of Bearing Blog read The Sinner’s Guide to NFP, and she wrote:

[E]ven if I am not the target audience, I am maybe the target reviewer, because I wholeheartedly endorse the attitude in this book. The truth is that even when you’re both totally on board, NFP has features which, well, you might as well laugh at them so you don’t

(a) cry or

(b) throw things at each other.

As for the state of NFP discourse, even (especially?) among faithful Catholics? Well, it can be even worse.

And that is why we need Fisher’s book. It’s frank, it’s conversational, and it’s funny. What’s possibly most important: it firmly rejects the nosy judgmentalism that pervades the conversation today, choosing instead to emphasize the great variety of good paths that a couple may find as they discern together the right decisions for their family.

You can read the rest of her review here. Thank you very much, bearing!

I was extremely pleased and grateful to be able to also include blurbs from Brandon Vogt, Dr. Janet Smith, Msgr. Charles Pope, Jennifer Fulwiler, Leila Miller, Elizabeth Scalia, Kayla Peterson, Elizabeth Duffy, Marcel LeJeune, Erin Manning, and Gregory Popcak.

I know it’s kinda early to do a giveaway for a book which won’t be out until November, but I’ve been meaning to do a mini fundraiser for my kids’ charter school. Here is where I describe the school in particular, and here is where I describe what I’ve learned to look for in a school in general. I can guarantee you that every cent of your money will be spent wisely and well! This school is like what I always wanted my home school to be, except with friends, and I don’t have to do the work. Fantastic.

As I did last year with Style, Sex, and Substance, I’m going to combine a giveaway with a fundraiser, and will be giving away free copies to three winners. So if you would like to pre-win a copy of my book, which of course you do, here’s the deal:

OPTION ONE: Leave a comment, any comment, in the comment box here, and you will be entered into the drawing — easy peasy.

OPTION TWO: Make a contribution to the Surry Village Charter School, and your name will be entered in the drawing ten times.

To contribute, click on this PayPal button

make a donation in any amount, and your name will be entered ten times into the drawing (no need to leave a comment unless you want to!).

If your name is chosen, you can choose either format: ebook or audiobook. I will select three names randomly next week, on Monday, August 19, and will announce the winners on Monday or Tuesday, depending on how together my act is.

Remember: it’s free to enter; but if you want to increase your chances of winning tenfold, make a donation to the school.

Good luck!

My “Final Footnote” for Aggie Catholics

Marcel LeJeune had a neat idea:

Many of you probably know about a popular series of lectures on college campuses called “The Last Lecture Series”. Professors (and others) are asked to give a lecture to students as if it were the last presentation they are able to give during their life.
Building on this idea – I asked a number of Catholic authors, bloggers, and speakers to answer the following question in 500 words or less:

“What do you think is the most important thing you could tell college students if you had one last blog post to do it?”

My contribution, “Inch Your Way to the Stars” is up today. Check it out! I’m looking forward to the rest of the series!

I go back and forth . . .

about whether to consider myself a feminist. Then I read something like this, and I think to myself, no way, Jose. Someone else is gonna have to rehabilitate that word. I’m not getting within 100 yards of anyone so insanely prickly. How do they even function when they’re bristling with rage all the time? How do they even manage to get enough oxygen circulating through their wizened little hearts, when every breath they take is saturated with toxic levels of imaginary sexism? What a cold, hard world it is for people who . . . really get off on thinking it’s a cold hard world. My stars.

STEALY KILLY

The other day on the Register, someone commented,

What is the point of blogging about your personal life? So you don’t like to camp and your dog took a crap in your filthy house. Very nice.

Yeah, well, the difference between this lady and me is that, when I write unpleasant, pointless stuff that nobody cares about, I get paid for it. Ha ha!

But I have actually been making an effort to defilthify my house lately, going so far as to clean out what I think of as “passive granola” that has accrued in my cabinets. I also put away the snow pants that everyone has been stepping over to get out the front door, because it’s August already, and winter is practically over. Fancy, eh?

I worried a little bit that, if I keep up this pace, I’ll lose all the street cred I gained when I wrote one of my most shared posts ever: Seven Decorating Tips from House Horrible Magazine, which documents the exact moment when we abandoned home school and just started teaching the kids poker.

But I should not have worried. My seven-year-old daughter picked some berries, and wanted to reserve them for herself. I suggested putting a lid on the container, and maybe leaving a note. This is what she wrote:

I really like the quiet menace behind “Boys change your mind.” I see a bright future for this kid. If we can only figure out some way she can get paid for writing this stuff . . .

Seven Quick Takes: The Stupids Go Camping

Here is how our little camping trip went.

1. Several people asked about the yurt we rented. This particular one was in a state park, and so it was ridiculously cheap: something like $40 a night. (At that price, you need to book it many months in advance.) It has wooden floors, electric outlets, and an overhead fan, and came with a table, shelves and — get this — eight sets of wooden bunk beds. This pic doesn’t capture the atmosphere, but it gives you a general idea of the structure: So the baby slept in her portacrib, and the other kids each had their own top bunk. We did bring a fan, which was a good call, but no other appliances. We kept perishable food in a cooler.

The sides and roof of the yurt are insulated canvas, with a wooden lattice frame holding them up, and there are screened windows and doors. The top is a domed skylight, which you can crank open with the use of a long pole. It is cool and airy, and completely gorgeous as the light changes, like living in a bower made by very intelligent birds. We were surrounded by pine trees, and the campsite had several picnic tables, in-ground and above-ground firepits and grills for cooking, and our own personal port-a-potty. There was a water spigot fifty yards away, and a dumpster down the road.

So it was perfect for our purposes: just inconvenient and outdoorsy enough to be entirely different from living at home or staying in a hotel, but with enough conveniences to make life bearable.

2. I don’t care what my husband says, that was definitely a bear. We also heard some owls making really lunatic noises. This is where I was especially happy to have more than a mere tent to get inside of.

3. My favorite part was actually the shelves. I absolutely hate rummaging through boxes to find things. Being able to put things in order — having a “medicine chest” shelf, a pantry shelf, a utensils shelf, etc. – made me feel sane. That and a laundry basket for all dirty clothes, and a clothesline for hanging wet stuff. And a garbage can, and lots of garbage bags.

4. Our favorite meal was “walking tacos.” I brought some cooked ground beef in disposable pie tins, which we heated up on the campfire. Each kid got two little bags of Doritos, to which we added the meat, shredded cheese, cherry tomatoes, and salsa. IT WAS SO GOOD. Possibly because we were starving by the time the meat was hot.

We also grilled corn on the cob. You just throw it right on the grill with the husk still on. Sweet, juicy, and fantastic.

We followed up this meal with a silly dessert: you take ice cream cones (sugar cones, with the pointed ends) and stuff them with peanut butter, banana slices, chocolate chips, and mini marshmallows, wrap the whole thing in tin foil, and put it on the grill until the insides melt. It was a little too much work for the results, but the kids liked it.

5. For some reason, I thought it would be silly to bring forks and spoons. We’re camping, after all! So I brought one spoon, feeling fine and pioneerish.

Well, next time I’m bringing forks and spoons. And pot holders.

6. As I mentioned in the Register, the swimming hole was scary. The trails in the park were also pretty lousy — full of stinky bogs and felled trees, and very poorly marked and maintained. So instead of swimming or hiking, we ended up going back, over and over, to the waterfall spot I described. The kids will remember it forever.

7. And here are some more pictures!