If you’re a regular reader, you know I’m not going to tell you what trending decor you need to buy to make your house look both WOW and NOW for Christmas this year. I’m not going to tell you what you absolutely need to pull piping hot from the oven while wearing themed oven mitts in order to make your children’s life magical rather than tragical. And I’m not going to give you any tips for sculpting your bod so as to show up at the office party looking like that baddie everyone’s . . . mogging on. Mogging about?
I’m old, I don’t know what I’m talking about.
I do dearly love giving advice, though. So as it is Giving Tuesday, here is my best, most practical advice for how to have a pretty good December. (Some of this is geared toward big, chaotic families and Catholics, but not all.)
1. If you’re planning to give money to someone who needs financial help, do it ASAP. A splashy last-minute miracle is nice to get, but what’s really nice when you’re poor is knowing that certain things — a present, a Christmas meal, or the electric bill — will be covered.
2. If you live on the dark side of the Mason-Dixon line, start taking Vitamin D gummies every day, and keep it up until Spring. It may not make a dramatic difference, but it may help you feel a little more energetic and less sad as the darkness grows. Gummies are more expensive than pills, but I’m far more likely to remember to take gummies because I am a big baby.
3. For the storage-poor among us who buy a mountain of presents: Clear a corner of the house now, for storing the landslide of Amazon boxes we are about to receive. If you have to, stash your regular clutter in a trash bag and deal with it later. I’m not a spreadsheet person, so I keep a running email in my drafts folder to keep track of what I have ordered, where I ordered it from, and what has actually arrived. Or you could tape a piece of paper to the wall, and attach a pen to it with a string, and really commit to keeping it current. Just do something other than stashing things here and there and keeping a running tally in your head, for that is the path to heartache and lost presents and horrible last-minute trips to Target.
4. If you just had a baby or you’re sick, you don’t have to travel to anyone else’s house. You just don’t. It’s a normal, human, reasonable thing to say, “Oh, sorry, we can’t do that” and just keep saying it, and following through. Let your [insert irrational relative] be mad! What are they gonna do, arrest you? If you’re the husband/dad, it is YOUR JOB TO STICK UP FOR YOUR WIFE LIKE JOSEPH DID FOR MARY. Protect her and defend her and ask her what you can do so she can put her feet up at least a little bit on Christmas, and really do it, even if you don’t get why she cares about it. Your wife is more important that your [insert irrational relative].
5. If you’re feeling overwhelmed about all the Important Traditions you have accrued, ask the people you’re in charge of which ones they actually care deeply about, and see if there’s anything you can weed out. You may be surprised. But also ask yourself which ones you care about, because your preferences also matter! But also, consider delegating responsibilities — and then preparing yourself to be okay with results that are not exactly how you would have done it. In any case, a group conversation about expectations ahead of time in a calm, neutral way is almost always helpful for managing anxiety and overwhelm about big plans.
6. If you’re using NFP, get ready to see your weirdest chart ever in December. Stress and a poor diet and lack of sleep will do that. I have no further advice; I’m just telling you you’re not alone.
7. Consider doing screen-free hours for Advent if you can. This year, we are doing screen-free evenings from 7-10:00, Monday to Thursday; and then Fridays are for family movies (and weekends are whatever). This routine really tamps down Christmas frenzy and gives us time we didn’t realize we had, to do nice things like read books, pray as a family, listen to music, do crafts, or just sit around and yack; and it helps some of us sleep better.
8. If you have little kids who will be getting dressed up, sort out tights and dress shoes now, and put them away. Also maybe write on your calendar on Dec. 24 where you put them away. So many, many things will be going on right before Christmas, and shoes and tights are always the first casualties. If you care about what your older kids are going to wear, have them pick an outfit and show it to you well in advance. Consider not caring, though.
9. Christmas light timers are actually pretty cheap, and they are so worth it. Time and energy spent trying to make yourself get up and turn on the lights, or get up and turn off the lights, is time and energy you cannot spare. Buy the automatic timer.
10. Buy more scissors and more tape now, and hide them. But don’t hide them so cleverly you can’t find them. And buy batteries!
11. If you’re going to take pictures at Mass of everyone in their nice Christmas clothes, and you want them to look even minimally cheerful and alert, take pictures before Mass, not after. Not only will there be less dishevelment and sulky expressions, your conscience will be more likely to allow you to say things like “You’re going to smile in a normal way in the next three minutes, or you’re going to meet a helicopter of fists” before Mass than it will after you’ve received the Body of Christ.
Alternatively, just lean in to the whole Terrible Family Photo thing. You are who you are, so why struggle? Think of it as doing society a favor, so other people don’t feel like they have to live up to a photoshopped, studio-quality life.
12. If you’re going to Midnight Mass with kids, wear thick poofy jackets even if it’s not cold. This is more decorous than sleeping bags, but it serves the same purpose.
13. Build the thing ahead of time. That Barbie Dream House is going to take longer than you think to put together. Consider setting captives free before you wrap them, by which I mean cutting the 496 little plastic loops keeping toys in place in their packaging. Kids want to play with their new stuff right away, and there’s nothing more stressful than trying to make that happen while they shout at you.
14. Get to confession during Advent. Just do it! Do a lame, half-hearted, grumpy confession if that’s the best you can muster, and let Jesus do the rest. Then, whatever else is going on, you’ll be able to say, “oh, but we got to confession, yay!”
15. Disposable goods are your friend. Think about Christmas breakfast. Think about the stickiness. The crumbs. The spilled drinks with pine needles in them. Christmas is a really great time to use at least disposable tablecloths, even if you’re not a disposable tablecloth kind of person normally.
Relatedly: A little eggnog goes a long way. Consider buying little shot glass-sized Solo cups to encourage more digestible portions.
16. If you don’t use reusable wrapping (we don’t, because I think tearing open presents is fun), make sure trash bags are on your final shopping list. Then when you’re opening presents, have one person be designated to grab the wrapping paper, give it a thorough shake to dislodge any Barbie shoes or instruction booklets or teeny little allen wrenches, and throw it away right away.
17. This sounds dumb, but have a plan for the day after Christmas. Even the most spiritually attuned family feels a sad little let-down after a highly anticipated event, so it’s a great idea to establish some kind of relaxing “day after” tradition — something easy to achieve, like watching a movie or listening to a certain album. Traditions are very powerful for making people feel secure and cared-for, and the predictability almost matters more than what it actually is.
IN CONCLUSION! Do as much as you can ahead of time, try not to be too hard on yourself, and get to confession. Happy Advent!
This is an A+ list! Thank you.
I have happily matured to the Not Caring stage of dressing up for Christmas and highly recommend.
St. Nick usually leaves some paper plates near mom’s shoe on his feast day around here. Also recommend.
One tradition we stumbled on years ago was that every year on the 26th we spread all of the Christmas goodies down the center of the table, and then we all sit down after the morning chores are done and write thank you notes. It sounds vaguely dismal, but it’s really not. There can be so much laughter and sugar involved that you’ll accidentally find yourself writing what you’re saying instead of what you meant to write. Can make for a note that isn’t the neatest or most perfect in the world, but it’s written!
In order to make this work, we always make sure that everyone gets thank you cards in their stockings, and may have extra thank you cards on hand. It saves on postage, as all of the notes to Grandma can fit in the same envelope. We might need a little extra postage on that envelope, but it’s sooo much better than sending 8 envelopes at full postage, including hunting down offenders and threatening them with various levels of torture and punishment. The kids are grateful to have the job not hanging over their heads, everyone is thrilled they get to eat all the goodies instead of their usually semi-low sugar diet, and they all know it’s coming and look forward to it.
We get a lot of gifts for the whole family, instead of to each individual member. We parse those out on Christmas morning so that each person gets to open one family gift. Whichever gift you open, you write the thank you note for. I do peruse those if the writer is young enough, and my include a note of my own if I deem it best.
My husband is disappointed he rarely gets to attend, because he usually works that day. My adult children have said they miss that tradition, and wish they could enforce it on themselves. At least one is planning on doing it with her kids.
Not everyone finds thank you notes seriously important. But, for those who do – I offer this as one possible solution.
I make my kids write thank-you notes too. The way I have settled on is one piece of paper per gift giver with a note from each of the four children on it. That way they can just pass them around the table, it goes much faster and feels less like they’re writing ALLLL the thank-you notes, and there’s only one envelope to send it in.
Such a lovely tradition! I make my kids write thank you notes too. And I too have found that day after is the best day to write the thank yous.
Having said that, my kids don’t get presents from outside people at Christmas. Nearly 30 years ago, when my husband and I were compiling a wedding guest list, we realized that our immediate families (our brothers, sisters, their spouses and kids) totaled 83 people. And our families have only grown exponentially since then. Given that our extended family is massive, our kids typically only receive gifts from relatives when we throw them a specific party (like for graduation or First Communion). And even then, our kids will only get a gift from the people who actually attend the party.
I mention my family’s lack of outside gifts because it brings up another tip for surviving Christmas for anyone who may be from a large-ish extended family. (And a family doesn’t need to be as huge as ours for gifting to be a real burden). If you haven’t already done so, now is the time to put the kibosh on extended family gift giving. If it’s too unthinkable in your family culture to entirely skip extended family gifting at Christmas, think about instituting a Yankee Swap or a Pollyanna. In this economy, most people will be grateful for the relief.
this is so true. We tried keeping up with Gifts For Everybody for a few years and shed it pretty quickly.
Such a great list! I am all about gift bags and gift boxes. I try to have as little Christmas morning trash as possible.
I only have two tips to add. For years, I have made Advent about getting clutter out of our home. It makes everything so much easier when there’s less stuff bogging us down. Some years our house was so cluttered I could do two bags a day throughout Advent and it hardly seemed to make a dent.
My other tip is like yours with the tights, but it is a tip for year round and probably only works for boy heavy houses. And for boys who are happy to wear whatever mom pulls out and thinks will fit them. For at least two decades, I have kept various sizes of ironed khakis, dress shirts, and blue blazers in one central place. So handy for funerals, weddings, and Christmas Eve.
Once high school came and their uniform required them to wear khakis, dress shirts, and blazers to school, they still didn’t touch the good stuff. Only in rare emergencies were they allowed access to “the fancy clothes closet.”
Don’t try to do DIY projects unless you seriously, really and truly are just somehow sitting around with nothing to do for the next three weeks – I spent one night two days before Christmas crying while crafting in the middle of one of the worst head colds ever – it was not a Hallmark movie moment. And if you hide something, yes, write it down! I was so surprised to open the cooler in the basement for a picnic and discover one of my son’s Christmas presents in there! Why was I surprised? After all, I’m the one who put it there…and forgot…Also, if you send cards, they can be sent after Christmas!
oh, yes. Crafting can be so nice, or so very horrible.
Remember it’s okay to give boring presents if that’s what the recipient wants/needs. You don’t have to have the world’s best spectacular present each year for everyone. My college daughter just asked for shampoo , moisturizer, and thick socks. She likes expensive brands, so buying these as presents makes her happy, saves her money , they’re useful ( makes me happy!). So much better than a novelty tshirt or earrings at this stage of her life. So feel free to wrap underwear, sock, and toothbrushes!
oh excellent point. I had a hard time coming around to working off wish lists for the kids, but some of them just know exactly what they want, and it’s just not generous to give them something else instead because it feels more loving somehow.
An excellent list. I would also add: Holiday food traditions are your friend. This goes for any holiday, but is especially nice for the Christmas season, when there are so many days to be celebrated. If you always know what you’ll have for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve or Day, and Epiphany, you won’t have to plan so much for getting the food into the house, and it will take less time in the kitchen to prepare. (Unless they’re tamales. I would not recommend starting that tradition. I did, and I regretted it.) I need to take my own advice on this and come up with a set meal for Christmas Eve and Epiphany. Christmas (ham, scalloped potatoes, chocolate roulade) and New Year’s Day (pork, greens, black-eyed peas, rice, pecan pie, because my mother is southern) are covered, but I still have to use brain power I do not have to figure out the others. Any suggestions are welcome.
oh good one. I tend to feel like there needs to be novelty and experimentation, but people really don’t want that! They want The Thing We Always Have.