Worth another watch: THE EDGE is brisk, thrilling, and layered

Looking for a tight, brisk adventure movie with some moral heft? We re-watched The Edge (1997, screenplay by David Mamet), and it was even better than I remembered. I can’t think why it’s not better known.

Anthony Hopkins plays Charlie Morse, a quiet, aging billionaire with a freakish knack for collecting theoretical knowledge. He and his supermodel wife (Elle Macpherson) are visiting the wilds of Alaska for a photo shoot. He loves her, but abruptly realizes that she’s carrying on with her photographer, the dissipated and cynical Bob (Alec Baldwin). Just as abruptly, he realizes that Bob plans to kill him for his wife and money — and Bob knows that he knows. As Charlie says in another context, “I seem to retain all these facts, but putting them to any useful purpose is another matter.”

As soon as this information comes to light, their tiny airplane crashes in the even wilder wilderness, and they are thrust together as enemies who need each other to survive. And then, a bear turns up, and it really wants to eat them. All of this happens within the first few minutes of the movie, and I haven’t given away any plot twists yet.

But I will be, starting now! Even if you know what’s going to happen, it’s a tense, thrilling, satisfying show. This trailer gives it a pretty fair shake:

Here’s what I saw:

Bob is thoroughly useless out of his element (he says that normally, his adventures consist of things like [lisping], “Oh, that cab driver was so rude!”). Baldwin as Bob brilliantly mixes a witty, virile, and nakedly carnal nature with little flashes of rage, resentment, and misery, revealing a gifted man who has squandered his life by giving into every one of his desires.

All Bob knows is what he wants out of people, and all Charlie knows is what people want out of him (even the grizzled outdoorsman wants to pitch a real estate development project to him). They are both lost, long before the plane crashes.

As Charlie says, “Just because you’re lost doesn’t mean your compass is broken.” But what kind of compass will they use to guide them? They are steered wrong by the almost irritatingly clever makeshift compass that Charlie fashions from a paper clip early on, before the men’s relationship is clear; but the second compass, made from the hand of the watch (a gift from the faithless wife), does work, and it shows them the way. In the form of the watch hand, the deceit of Bob and the wife becomes a guide. The wife is sort of an inverted Penelope: it’s her faithlessness (personified in Bob) that gives Charlie drive and direction, keeps him going, and brings both men home, one way or the other.

Also note that the wife’s gift to her lover is a watch that tells dual time, openly signifying duplicity and a refusal to commit. The inscription “For all the nights” tells us where Bob chooses to dwell: in the dark. Like the bear in the deadfall, his own weight and power works against him.

The movie keeps telling us that people in the wilderness “die from shame,” and this idea is the key to Bob’s salvation. The first time he almost dies, in the deadfall, he is still unchanged. He now has some regard for Charlie, but none for himself. At this point, despite being so near to death, he still thinks it’s all about getting the money and the girl, and he imagines his life is lost simply because he hasn’t won those things.

It’s not until the very end, when salvation is actually in sight (in the form of the helicopter) that he tells Charlie he’s sorry for what he’s done. He dies of shame — but it is shame, appropriate shame, that saves him. Without it, his life would have ended in the self-imposed deadfall of greed and ego; but shame brought him to repentance, which saves his soul, if not his bodily life.

The script is peppered with lines that make perfect sense as natural conversation and which also turn out to have some existential weight. When Bob shouts, “You would have died out there without me!” it’s just his ego lashing out — but it’s also true; and it’s true when Charlie tells the reporters, “They died saving my life.” It took two of them to kill the bear; but more broadly, it took two of them to save each other from their meaningless, directionless lives.

Great acting, great casting (but for a hilarious essay on the background of how this movie was put together, read this piece in Vanity Fair from producer Art Linson), swoon-worthy setting. Viewer caution: there is some cursing and a few scenes with blood and gore. None of it is gratuitous, but it’s pretty intense, sometimes terrifying. My 11-year-old son got the adventure part; my 13-year-old son also caught on to the battle of souls.

I hope I haven’t beaten to death these themes of being lost and being found, having direction and having a reason to live. The great part of this deft, brisk movie is that you can totally ignore all of the above, and just watch it because it’s tense and exciting and has a really scary bear in it. Recommended!

***
A version of this review was  originally published in the National Catholic Register in 2015.

What’s for supper? Vol. 54: Bisque! Bisque! Bisque! And ham nite.

[img attachment=”98244″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”whats for supper aleteia” /]

Hoop de doo! We survived another week. Here’s what we had:

SATURDAY
Pizza Hut Pizza and Ambitious Birthday Cake

Birthday party! Mr. Husband took the birthday girl and guests and some kids to the Worcester Art Museum, and I stayed home to shop, clean, decorate, and make an odd cake.

I had this black sugar paper that I bought but forgot to use for the last birthday cake, which actually turned out kind of awesome. It was months ago, but I’m going to share it anyway:

[img attachment=”122315″ size=”medium” alt=”irritable tiger cake has had about enough of you young person’s noise” caption=”irritable tiger cake has had about enough of you young person’s noise” align=”aligncenter”]

My daughter, who turned 16, thought a pretty silhouette of the letter “C” for her name might be pretty.

And it might’ve. This is one of those classic “if only you could see how it looked in my head” projects.

[img attachment=”122317″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”cake-and-design” /]

More earthy than ethereal. The sugar sheet was not terrible to use, but definitely not easy; although this was a pretty fiddly design for a first attempt. It was easy to cut, but more delicate than I expected, and I had to patch it together where it fell apart from overhandling. The package suggested spritzing the final result with water from a spray bottle to soften up the edges a bit once it’s on the cake. The only spray bottles we have are full of ammonia, and it wasn’t that kind of party.

The upshot: I’d use sugar sheets again if I especially wanted a straight edge on a design; and I’d try it again for a silhouette, but only with sharper scissors and more time than I had for this cake. Paper punchers would work well with this stuff. It comes in all kinds of snazzy colors and designs, too. The taste? A lot closer to paper than sugar.

Also, someone either bit or clawed or otherwise caused the one end of the cake to disappear from the platter while it was cooling. Also, Corrie dragged some egg shells out of the garbage and threw them in the batter while I was still stirring it up. And I ran out of frosting and couldn’t make more because I was out of confectioner’s sugar, and had already gone to the Quik-e-Mart once and spent half a week’s wages on a pound of butter, and I was saving the other half of my wages for beer. I thought maybe I could give the cake a sort of shabby chic floofiness by floofing up the frosting with a butter knife and then sprinkling candy pearls on it.

Anyway, the little girls were impressed!

[img attachment=”122321″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”cake-girls” /]

***
SUNDAY
Hamburgers and chips

Aldi sells 80/20 ground beef for $2.99, but it only comes in five-pound packages. I used to take out three pounds for burgers and freeze the rest for other meals, but somewhere along the line, we transitioned to just making enormous hamburgers.

[img attachment=”122322″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”big-burger” /]
No complaints.

***

MONDAY
Sausage subs with onions and mushrooms; sweet peppers and hummus

[img attachment=”122323″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”sausage-sub” /]

Ain’t it purty? Good eats.

***

TUESDAY
Pulled pork; candied yams

Hey, does anyone else have trouble shredding pork? I feel like it ought to just fall apart with a touch of the fork, but no matter what cut of pork I use and no matter how slowly and gently I cook it, I really have to work hard with forks and knives to give it that nice stringiness. What am I doing wrong? It tastes great, but it’s such a hassle.

The candied yams were straight from can to bowl to microwave to table. Mondays are the pits.

***

WEDNESDAY
HAM NITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They gave me so many compliments on my ham, I started to get kind of mad. I mean,  is an old family recipe, the way I cut off the plastic, put it on a pan, and turn the oven on, but still.

[img attachment=”122326″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”ham-night” /]

We also had mashed potatoes and frozen peas, as you see. I included this picture because I think the fork is funny. There’s life in the old dame yet!

Oh, and here is another ham picture worth sharing.

[img attachment=”122335″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”14470596_10154003757652029_7882798824817707733_n” /]

The dog is thinking, “Lady, just because you paid me a nickel to bust up your chifforobe, doesn’t give you the right to call me ridiculous.”

***

THURSDAY
Seafood bisque; garlic knots

I made up a recipe using only things you can get at Aldi. I hope there is a contest or something.

I cooked some frozen salmon in the microwave (4 of the five wrapped filets that come in a bag), simmered a box of pre-sauced mussels on the stovetop, and shredded up a package of imitation crab meat.

In a heavy pot, I sauteed some diced onions and celery. When they were cooked, I stirred in about a can-and-a-half of tomato paste and about 3/4 cup of white wine, and blended it together. Then I stirred in all the seafood (except I ate one of the salmon filets for lunch), including the sauce from the mussels, and then I blended in about two pints of whipping cream. I bought three pints, but Corrie stole one and, with God as my witness, I don’t know what she did with it. Can she have drunk a whole pint of whipping cream? Did she pour it into the dryer? I guess I’ll find out.

Then I heated it through and added about a cup of chicken broth to thin it up a bit, and threw some fresh parsley on top. I lied, the parsley was not from Aldi. They only sell cilantro, for some reason.

[img attachment=”122329″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”bisque” /]

It was good! Quite sweet, but the flavor was very pleasant, and it was gorgeously thick and very filling. I left the onions and celery a little chompy, which I like in a soup. I don’t know if I will make it again, but it was fun to invent a recipe on purpose, rather than trying to follow a recipe and screwing it up so badly that it was only fair to call it a new recipe.

The children, of course, approached it with this attitude:

[img attachment=”122331″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”death-before-chowder” /]

This is why I made tons of ham the previous night. Know thy enemy, I mean children.

My daughter made 36 garlic knots from pizza dough topped with butter, salt, garlic powder, and parmesan cheese, baked in a 450 oven for about ten minutes. Put a little butter and cornmeal on the pan to keep them from sticking. These taste way better than they reasonably should.

***

FRIDAY

I believe some other daughter requested tuna noodle casserole, which means she can make it and I can have LEFTOVER BISQUE because I sure made a lot of it.

What’s for supper at your house? Anything good? Anything you made up? Oh, and tell me all about your favorite Italian food. I gots plans.

Le Corbusier’s McNightmare

Today is the birthday of “Le Corbusier” (Charles-Édouard Jeanneret-Gris), the fascist architect and urban planner born in 1887, who’s responsible for so many of those barren, faceless, concrete boxes that litter our cities in lieu of buildings and homes designed with human beings in mind.

Here’s a typical Le Corbusier building:

[img attachment=”122249″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”villasavoye” /]

One of his favorite tricks was to hoist the whole thing up on skeletal pylons so it looks like an ocean liner in dry dock. His idea of urban planning was similar: you could create a rigorously tidy little world by stacking up poor people in oversized filing cabinets in the sky. Give them a little ribbon of grass to keep them occupied, and you’ll achieve a mathematically-pleasing societal utopia.

Here’s one of his Unité d’Habitations:

[img attachment=”122252″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”unite-dhabitation-berlin” /]

Never mind that people don’t want to live in boxes, and would also routinely violate his ideals of purity and simplicity by doing bourgeois things like going to work and school and shops and museums, and not especially wanting to be quarantined in a sterile skyscraper that hovers over a dim, vacant void on the outskirts of town.

Le Corbusier frowned mightily on anything that smelled of comfort or pleasant decoration, or even of humanity — things like cornices, pillars, arches, towers, gables, or even a little bit of paint. All of that is so bourgeois, so inefficient, so embarrassing. Much better to purify the world — and the human body. (He did for living room furniture what he did for city streets. His comfy chairs are a three-sided fence of slender steel with a cube of leather trapped inside.)

I really can’t figure out how pleased I am to announce that American architecture seems to have worked its way completely through and past his malevolent influence, and that we are now squirming unhappily on a pin at the opposite end of the exhibit marked “Modern Architecture: A Tragedy.” Behold: the completely other kind of horrible mistake you can make when designing a building:

[img attachment=”122257″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”suburban_tract_house” /]

If Le Corbusier wanted everything to be barren, severe, and reduced to sheerest mathematics, current architectural appetites demand an incoherent smorgasbord of AHVERYTHING.

The problem with McMansions is not merely that they are too big and ostentatious. We can live with that (although I wouldn’t want to heat that). The problem is that they don’t make any damn sense. If Le Corbousier’s buildings were unlivable because they were all rules and no humanity, McMansions flip a bird to all the rules in favor of whatever happens to catch the designer’s fancy — and it’s always something fancy. Nothing but cornices, pillars, arches, towers, and gables, all plastered with obscenely senseless stucco and tarted up with phony muntins.

[img attachment=”122259″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”mansion-2″ /]

For an excellent (and not really terribly snotty) explanation of just what it is that feel so “off” about these frankenhouses, see this excellent article McMansions 101: What Makes a McMansion Bad Architecture?

It is not, as so many will protest, merely a matter of taste. Taste is subjective, but there are some objective principles that must be followed if the eye and the brain are to find any peace with a living space. A good many buildings are not to my taste, but I can still acknowledge that they are designed well. This is a different situation entirely from a house with is not so much designed as vomited onto the blueprint with a fervent disregard for coherence that would make a Mad Lib weep with envy.

The author takes us through some basic principles of residential architecture: the principles of masses and voids, balance, proportion, and rhythm. (It’s worth noting that many of the other articles on this site are profane and snotty, but this one is mainly informative and enlightening, very worth a read.)

Le Corbusier despised and disregarded the basic human need for comfort and beauty; McMansions let us gorge on our basest decorative fancies, and we end up in a fever dream of faux luxury. Neither extreme satisfies the basic human need for buildings that both function and please. It’s almost as if human beings have a head and a heart, and will only live at peace when our homes do, too.

***

(For more reading about the origins of modern architecture, give yourself a treat and read Tom Wolfe’s immensely entertaining From Bauhaus to Our HouseI’d love to hear what he has to say about McMansions and what they tell us about the American Soul. Not that anyone’s hiding anything.)

***

Image credits in order of appearance:

Villa Savoye By Valueyou, CC BY-SA 3.0

Unite d’Habitation Berlin by Marcus via Flickr (Creative Commons)
McMansion image By BrendelSignature at the English language Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 3.0,
McMansion 2 photo by FunnyBiz via Flickr https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

FATSPO!

I’m not asking for advice.  I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice. I’m not asking for advice.

That being said, I’ve been exercising regularly and significantly altering my diet for almost two months now, and guess what? I gained weight. To me, this is a very clear signal from the adipose gods that I am meant to be an acolyte for life.

Also, I am still breastfeeding Corrie (19 months), mainly because she calls it “ding.” She toddles up to me and says, “H’lo, Mama. Gotta ding, Mama.” And I am not made of stone. I am, as I’ve previously mentioned, made of lard, and thus can put up very little resistance to this kind of thing. Some women will say, “Oh, my nursing baby is so hungry, the weight just slid right off!” Well, now we know to whom it slud. My theory is that my body recognizes that there will be a significant draw on available nutritive resources for the foreseeable future, and responds by hanging on extra tight to that sixty-pound reserve, just in case.

It’s really not so terrible being fat. You are excused from entire categories of clothing. Other women, on what ought to be a carefree jaunt to the beach, are burdened with wondering, “Is it going to be an occasion of sin to other people if I wear this bikini? What about a tankini, or a monokini, or maybe I should take a crack at this Slaves of the Immaculate Bosom of St. Wurgtrude-Approved Ultramagnifikini with Turtleneck and Detachable Dickey, just in case? What if there will be seminarians present? What if they are blind seminarians, but they have a very good imagination? Should I pack overalls, so they can hear them going ‘veep-veep-veep’ when I walk?”

But for a fat person, it’s simple. The only consideration is, “Do I have a flood insurance rider to cover the vacation homes whose hardwood floors I will ruin when my thighs displace half the lake?” Easy peasy, considerably more squeezy.

Meanwhile, regular exercise gives me all kinds of benefits. I no longer have to shout for help in getting off the couch when I’m tired of watching Netflix. I can put my feet up on the ottoman without sweating. The other day, I picked a waffle up off the floor without even making a plan for how I was going to become upright again. And best of all, I now have knee gap.

 

In conclusion, I would like clarify that, yes, I am still ballooning.

Perfect, not tidy

And now let’s put things right.

That seems to be my daughter’s goal with every game she plays. Everything needs to end up right where it belongs: baby cheetah with mama cheetah, dragon husband with dragon wife, all back in bed together where they belong. Barbie needs Ken, and Ken must have his mate, that no four-year-old can deny.

We drove past the ravished corn fields with their crowds of Canada geese, busily taking what they needed from between the rows. I half-turned my head to the back seat, where my little girl was gazing out the window, and I said, “Those are geese. See all their long, black necks? They are eating the corn that is left on the ground, and then they will fly up together and go somewhere warmer to live for the winter.” It was as it should be. The geese knew where to go. She nodded her little corn-golden head, taking the information in and filing it away where it needed to go.

What an immense delight to pour out knowledge into the ear a willing child. It’s one of the few times you can think, “This is exactly what I need to be doing. I did it right. She wanted to know, and I told her.” Key in lock. Fill up the glass. A purely satisfying moment.

It’s not childishness that makes us delight in putting things to rights, in bringing them home where they belong. Even in the midst of turmoil, we find a primal if fleeting satisfaction in finishing a task, turning chaos into order, making a jumble come out even. The most “adult” of activities is terribly, terribly basic in this regard. It’s stunningly simple: This is made to go inside that. Ever ask yourself, “But why does it somehow seem good, true, or beautiful to fit one thing inside another? What does that even mean?”

It means that, for once, things are where they belong. And that’s not nothing. It’s actually everything. It’s what we’re made to long for. It’s what we were made to do.

For many years, I was hung up on the idea that Heaven would be boring. The only interesting things I’d ever encountered were wobbly, wounded, fascinatingly warped. It was hard enough to conceive of any state of being for eternity, but maddening to imagine that it would be a dull state of being. I thought, with my untidy brain, that perfection meant utter tidiness.

It’s the old Ned Flanders heresy: that the Lord God of Hosts took on flesh in a blaze of glory, shook Jerusalem to its foundations with his words, was torn apart by whips and nails and bled dry; that he harrowed the deadlands and then in the morning came shooting out of the grave like a geyser of light, upending the armies of Hell with a flick of His resurrected finger, striding forth to establish the Church and then to ascend with unspeakable joy to the right hand of his Father, and now He calls upon us, His children, saying “BE YE . . .

. . . tidy.” With a tucked-in shirt and a clean part in our hair. You know, perfect.

Nah. He wants us to be perfect, but perfect means complete. Perfect means that everything is where it is supposed to be — not with mere tidiness, like a paperclip in a paperclip holder, but back where it was created to belong, like a lost child coming home, like the fulfillment of a lifelong promise, like the flesh of two made one. That kind of completion.

If that sounds boring to you, then you’re doing it wrong.

What we catch now, in rare moments of respite, is a reminder of who we are and for what we were made. A reminder, as we drive by the ravished fields, that we can glean what’s left between the rows of corn, but it’s only a stop along the way. We were made to go home. Find out what you were made to do, and go home.

****

Image: Jose Chomali via Unsplash

 

Sterling silver Joan of Arc replica ring giveaway!

PART II: The raffle!

Part I is my interview with Elisa Low of Door Number 9. And now for the glorious giveaway!

My kids, who are the quintessential Catholic geeks, have purchased many of Elisa’s goods; and we recently bought one of her newer products as a confirmation present:  that aforementioned gorgeously heavy, hand-cast, sterling silver historical reproduction of the ring Joan of Arc’s parents gave her on her First Communion.

Low offers the rings, along with other religious goods, at her second shop, Door Number 9 at Peter’s Square. The ring is normally $60, but Low is marking them down to $50 until Wednesday, October 12. You can preorder your own at this price starting today, and they should be ready well before Christmas.

OR!

You can use the Rafflecopter form below and enter to win one of these rings for free, courtesy of Elisa Low.

Nice, eh? There are several ways to earn additional entries. The contest will be open from today until October 12. Sorry, the contest is open only to residents of the United States.

If you preorder a ring but then win the prize ring, Low will refund your money or send you a second ring for free, as you like. Pre-ordered rings will be cast as ordered; the prize ring is ready to mail immediately.

Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Geeky Sacramentals: Elisa Low, Joan of Arc, Katniss . . . and a giveaway

Elisa Low is a costume designer, seamstress, purveyor of geeky accessories, and leading authority on all things Geek Orthodox. She also sells her own quirky goods at her Etsy Store, Door Number 9, and has a shop at the relatively new Catholic goods marketplace, Peter’s Square.

Low, 34, is married and has four kids, ages five to twelve. She was born and raised Roman Catholic, and is discerning whether to join the Byzantine Catholic Church. Low majored in art at University of Dallas, and now works at a Texas costume shop, where she repairs costumes, restores vintage clothing, and designs and crafts costumes from scratch.
She spared a few minutes from her exceedingly busy day to chat with me about her work, her creative process, and her thoughts on how faith and fandom can exist in peace together.
This interview with Low is part I. Part II, which you can see here, is a raffle for one of her newest products: a gorgeously heavy, sterling silver, hand-cast, historical replica of the ring Joan of Arc’s parents gave her for her First Communion:

[img attachment=”121690″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-9-35-29-pm” /]

Interested? Read on!
Why is your Etsy store named “Door Number 9?” 
If you Google my name, Elisa Low, you get a bunch of medical records, because the “elisa test” is a test for antibodies.
I painted murals on the doors of my house: the TARDIS, the door to Moria, Platform 9-3/4, 221B Baker Street. I have eight doors that are painted. So I thought, “My next project, my Etsy store, will be Door Number 9.” I’ve had my Etsy store for six or seven years, but about three or four years ago, I renamed it Door Number 9, and refocused it.

How would you describe your products? Mainly geeky? Mainly Catholic?

I’m actually working on some that are kind of both. In my store right now, I have these bracelets that are a kind of Victorian, copper-and-wrought iron cuff bracelet with a cameo. I have one with a sepia-toned Doctor Who picture, sort of steampunk style.

[img attachment=”121697″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-10-22-01-pm” /]

I’m going to make them with sepia-toned pictures of modern saints — kind of steampunk geek-style, with Catholic subject matter.

With my Joan of Arc ring, my goal is for it to be something people can wear just because it’s their style, and not explicitly religious; but if their friends say, “That’s cool!” they can talk about it.

Another one in the same vein: a pendant with a small scale model of the labyrinth at Chartres.

[img attachment=”121722″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-11-28-19-pm” /]

On the surface, it looks like neopagan, new age jewelry, which is also big in geek culture. But it’s actually a very Catholic thing. It’s a kind of stealth Catholicism, that can appeal to anyone simply on its historical grounds, but it also has a religious meaning if someone chooses to look into it.

For good Catholic art, you can’t just make something, stick a “Catholic” label on it, and have it be good art.

You refer to holy cards as a kind of “Catholic fan art.” Can you explain?

Today, there are all different versions of, say, superheros, in all different costumes: the dark and gritty version, the shiny reboot. Then there’s the humanized My Little Ponies, and there’s mashups, with heroes finding themselves in unusual situations.

So much of medieval and renaissance religious art is really what we would think of as fan art. You’ll see Mary, Joseph, and the angels and saints in period dress, in historically accurate dress, in unusual situations.

[img attachment=”121728″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”Adoration of the Shepherds by Domenico Ghirlandaio, 1485″ caption=”Adoration of the Shepherds by Domenico Ghirlandaio, 1485″ /]

There will be a painting of the nativity, and all of a sudden you’ve got St. Benedict there. Patrons would get themselves painted into the picture. It’s fan art, with us in the scene.

Other than that, is there some connection between geek culture and Catholic culture? There seem to be so many people who are interested in both. 

At places like ThinkGeek, people feel like they need a sonic screwdriver necklace, or Star Trek earrings. It’s the same thing as feeling like I’m a pilgrim, so I need this medal, this scapular, this patch on my cloak.  Of course they’re different in what they’re actually referring to! But it’s the same as far as that human experience of how we use physical, tangible things to relate to stories, partly as signals to others, but also to ourselves.

Once, I had to go to this really scary meeting where I felt like it was me versus a bunch of powerful people. I had a necklace that had charms based on The Hunger Games to help me identify with the characteristics of Katniss, like someone else might wear a medal of St. Peregrine.
Of course we’re not asking Katniss to intercede for us! Geeky sacramentals can blur the line between faith and geekdom, but for me, it’s clarified the line. I don’t ask Captain Janeway to intercede for me, but I do ask Jesus.

[img attachment=”121705″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-10-45-54-pm” /]

But [putting together faith and geekdom] has helped me to see that sacramentals are not magic or superstition. They’re not going to imbue me with magical protections. In some ways, I wonder if that’s why some people have the opposite reaction, and have a problem with geek culture. Maybe they see it as demonic because they already see sacramentals as good magic, and so they see a geek culture “sacramental” as bad magic.

Do you have guidelines for yourself about where to draw the line?

With the Catholic saint wine charms, I had to think, “How do I envision this being used?” I figured they’re going to be used by people who are Catholic and who use them out of love — Steubenville grads, who can talk about their favorite saints while drinking, and that’s not disrespectful at all.

[img attachment=”121701″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-10-43-39-pm” /]

But if I can picture someone using or buying it in a mocking way, then I won’t do it. Someone wanted a St. Nicholas costume. That’s fine. But someone else wanted a priest costume with a Roman collar, and he said, “And I also need some bondage gear.” So I got someone else to help him, because it was specifically mocking, with malice.

Something I haven’t figure out how to do yet is geeky Catholic Christmas cards — nativity scenes, but geeky, like the TARDIS at a nativity scene. But whenever I do a mashup, my rule is that is has to be Fandom A plus Fandom B, but it has to be more than that. There has to be a new story or a new dynamic. It can’t just be: Now you have a TARDIS at a manger scene! That’s kind of pimping out the manger scene. If I can find a good and meaningful story behind it, then it’s not inherently disrespectful.

You sell goods that might make some more cautious Catholics uncomfortable, like reflective Pokémon-hunting shirts or Harry Potter earrings or a Labyrinth pen holder or a Thor’s hammer pendant. How would you answer someone who says Catholics shouldn’t be selling goods that make reference to magic?
I’d probably say, “Don’t buy my stuff because you agree or disagree with my philosophy. Buy it because it’s good, beautiful, and true, and if you see that it will bring joy to your life.”

My personal opinion about Harry Potter? I have a friend who is a practicing pagan, who said that Harry Potter isn’t magic. Harry Potter is science fiction. Look at it: potions class is science experiments and chemical reactions. Real magic is about harnessing spiritual forces, and Harry Potter is about learning the rules. It’s just difference science rules, in a different universe.

What I’m more concerned about, in the books that I and my kids read, is the flavor of the universe. The flavor of the Harry Potter universe is one in which family, friends, and goodness are valued, and they win, and evil is defeated. If you take the Douglas Adams universe, that’s not a joy-filled universe. I enjoy it, but it’s not a wholesome, delightful universe. It’s a sarcastic, dry universe. It’s fine to make jokes about, but it’s not one I would want to live in.
What have your most popular ideas been? And if you don’t mind saying, what has been your biggest flop?

One idea was that I was going to paint other people’s doors. It was a niche market, but I couldn’t ship them. That didn’t work well! Then I made crayon keepers that you could keep four to eight crayons in. They didn’t sell.

One that was more popular than I expected is leather wrap bracelets with medals on them, a crucifix and a St. Benedict medal.

[img attachment=”121694″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-9-48-54-pm” /]

They’re normal-style bracelets you’d find at a store, but with a medal. They sold really well.

And the thing that was really successful were the cloth icon books.

[img attachment=”94876″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”icon book” /]

I’m getting ready for Christmas, and will make as many as I can.

If you had endless time and resources, what would your dream product look like?

One thing I’ve been wanting to do is to figure out a way to make a pocket that you could add to any dress that doesn’t have one.

And I’d love to own a design firm that does historical replicas. It’s amazing, having accessible to us, in our everyday life, something that has a story behind it. It’s like geek jewelry but with real life heroes.  The stories behind historical figures are every bit as good as geek and sci fi and fantasy stories. Also, there are no licensing fees!

What’s the next big thing you’re working on?

I’m having replicas cast of Eliza Hamilton’s wedding ring. Her wedding ring is what’s called a gimmel ring, with two rings interlocking, one with her name engraved, one with his name, interlocked with a twist and a pin.

[img attachment=”121691″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”hamilton-ring” /]

I have the prototype, and I’m waiting to get a corrected model from my 3D CAD guy, then sending it to the foundry so they can make a mold and cast the corrected version and have me look it over.
Do you have advice for folks who would like to start making and selling their own goods? 

It’s really not going to replace your income. Think of it as a hobby, and if you’re lucky, it pays for itself and maybe a little bit more, at least to start with.

As far as figuring out your product, you have to figure out why someone would buy yours, instead of just buying one at the store. The thing that differentiates me is the quirkiness.

[img attachment=”121719″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”Aldi quarter keeper keychain” caption=”Aldi quarter keeper keychain” /]

What differentiates someone else might be personalized things, or whatever, but you can’t just make a generic earring. Why would they buy yours and not the ones at Target, which are probably cheaper?

[img attachment=”121720″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”K9 Poodle Skirt” caption=”K9 Poodle Skirt” /]

What’s really helped me is to make some rules for myself. What will I sell in my store?
-It has to be something that is small, so it’s easy to store and ship.
-It has to be somehow quirky or geeky or historically geeky, something that people in geek culture would like.
-It has to not come in different sizes. I will only do that as a custom order. I broke that rule for embellished backpacks, and they weren’t worth it to store and ship.

I often see you on social media brainstorming, or announcing a new product, fairly late at night. What’s your creative process like?

I work at night a lot because i don’t get interrupted. And there is something magical about nighttime.

What sparks creativity is being open to my senses, just seeing and touching stuff. Sometimes I’ll just get out the fabric and start playing with it, or crayons and marker and paper, just start scribbling until something starts to take shape.

Working in the costume shop helps a lot. There are so many different inspirations there; it’s crammed full of stuff from every century. I get lots of ideas while working. It’s not only receptivity of the senses but of imagination. I get into that headspace of following whatever associations turn up, turning of the analyzing and judging part of my brains. I just put stuff down on paper and edit later.
If you start trying to make it perfect to start with — start with the end in mind — it does not work for creativity. Or for spiritual life, either. That’s been really helpful in my spiritual life. I get so stuck trying to figure out the perfect thing to do. Sometimes you just need to scribble on the paper, put something down, and then start making a shape out of it.

***

To enter the raffle for the hand-cast Joan of Arc replica ring, see part II here.

 

 

What’s for supper? Vol. 53: It is acorn squash you mourn for

[img attachment=”98244″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”whats for supper aleteia” /]

Well, it certainly is fall now. Oh,what’s that? You live in Arizona and you had to rush over to spend some time in the pool with the kiddies this morning before all the water evaporated? Well, I’m sorry you chose to live in Hell. If you had asked me first, I’d have advised against it.

In the real world, it’s fall, and that means it’s suddenly cooler and the vegetables are suddenly stranger. Here’s what we had:

SATURDAY
Omelettes 

I don’t remember Saturday at all. Everyone was mad about something, I forget what.

Down the road from us (this is not what we were mad about. I’m just telling) there is a store that is run by Free Staters. They take Bitcoin and everything, and they drive around in retired police cars with bumper stickers telling you how to avoid jury duty. First their building was a thrift store, then they put everything in a giant heap out on the side of the road for free and decided it was a local goods gift shop, and now it is a gift shop with a Vietnamese food truck parked next to it. A mild-mannered collie lolls on the gravel next to a faded bunting of wet towels flapping on the fence.  Signs posted everywhere read, “Only one cook, be patient.” Naturally, I thought, “I need to get me some of that” so we ordered the steak bánh mì.

As we waited, patiently, smelling the smells and thinking of steak, I drooled on the menu. For real. I forgot to eat breakfast, okay? The menu was laminated, no big deal.

It turns out “bánh mì ” is just the Vietnamese word for “bread,” and usually means a kind of baguette, since the French and the Vietnamese have been uncomfortably intertwined for hundreds of years. I didn’t know any of this. For my ignorance, I was rewarded with a foil-wrapped sandwich straight. from. paradise.

This was “careful, don’t accidentally bite your fingers in your haste to devour this” food. I did my best to recreate it for the rest of the family, and started marinating some meat for the next day, which was  . . .

***

SUNDAY
Steak Bánh mì ; and of course chocolate-covered bananas

 

Here’s the recipe I used from Serious Eats. I used onions instead of shallots in the marinade. For the sandwich itself, I used the marinated meat in thick slices, with matchstick carrots, cucumbers, cilantro, jarred jalapeno slices, and sriracha mayo. In the recipe, there is a link for how to make sriracha mayo, but I says to myself, I says, “If I put sriracha in mayo, it will be good, but if I click, I’ll just feel inadequate because I’m not using tamarind zest or something.” So I didn’t click, and it was good.

The sandwiches were out of this world.

[img attachment=”121424″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”banh-mi-steak” /]

My husband grilled the meat under the oven broiler, and I toasted the bread before assembling the sandwiches. So good. So, so good. If steak is ever this cheap again, this is top of the list!  (There was actually leftover steak, and it tasted even better the second day and even better the third day. Whoever invented marination, santo subito.)

The chocolate-covered bananas, I had promised Benny last week, but I forgot to make them. These are better than you’d expect. Frozen bananas take on a pleasant custard taste.

Directions:
Cut the bananas in half, put some kind of stick in them (carefully; they tend to split), and put them in the freezer for a few hours.
When you’re ready to dip them, melt chocolate chips with a little shortening and mix well. The shortening makes the chocolate smoother, and it dries harder.
Dip the bananas in the chocolate, and then sprinkle on toppings. We had rainbow sprinkles because Benny, but nuts would be yummy, too.

****

MONDAY
Hot dogs, tater tots

Don’t remember Monday. I remember the car didn’t break down like I thought it would, so that was good.

***

TUESDAY
Roast pork, baked potatoes, acorn squash with extra sehnsucht

For whatever reason, all kinds of meat was super cheap at Hannaford this week (hence the steak, above). I bought the biggest hunk of pork I’ve ever seen in a commercial establishment. It threatened to take over control of my daughter’s central nervous system

[img attachment=”121417″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”pork-overlord” /]

but I wrested it into submission, cut it into thirds, glugged on a bottle of Mojo sauce, and let it sit all day. Then I put it under the broiler for a few hours, fat side up, threw a few mushrooms in with the drippings, and then sliced it up.

[img attachment=”121418″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”roast-pork-sliced” /]

Mighty tasty.

We also had baked potatoes and mashed acorn squash.

[img attachment=”121419″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”roast-pork-meal” /]

Acorn squash is a funny thing. I always get excited when it reappears in the produce section at this time of year. For years, I would buy three of them, and then let them sit on the counter until they were rotten, and then throw them away. Then I discovered that they taste even better when you cook and eat them.

Slice them in half, scoop out the seeds and pulp, and put them face-down in a pan at 350 for about half an hour. Flip them over, put some butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon in each one, and bake them for another half hour.

[img attachment=”121420″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”acorn-squash” /]

Then you scoop out the flesh into a bowl and mash it all up.

With this technique, the house fills with a glorious, nostalgic aroma of everything wonderful associated with autumn. It fills you with gladness like a Pilgrim on Thanksgiving morn, your heart brimming with a sense of well-being as you dwell in a land of burgeoning plenty, what with the seasons of mist and mellow fruitfulness and butter and brown sugar.

You lift a fragrant, ochre forkful to your lips, and . . . boy, you know, it tastes like squash. It’s definitely the best kind of squash, but still undeniably squash. I always have seconds, because I don’t want to admit that I was really hoping it would be sweet potatoes this time. I would really rather have sweet potatoes.

***

WEDNESDAY
Tuna burgers, rice, roast sesame broccoli

Boy, this is a long post. Okay, here’s how to make tuna burgers:

For each can of tuna, add one egg and half a cup of breadcrumbs, plus pepper and plenty of salt. You can multiply this as much as you want, and add herbs or whatever seasonings you like. Form the tuna into patties and fry them in a little oil. These are surprisingly tasty if you don’t make them too often. They crack fairly easily, though, so don’t make them too thick, and flip them carefully.

[img attachment=”121421″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”tuna-burger-meal” /]

The broccoli, I broke into small spears and mixed it up with a little sesame oil, salt, and pepper. Couldn’t find my sesame seeds, but I usually sprinkle some on. Then put them in a single layer on a shallow pan and put them under a hot broiler for a few minutes, until the broccoli is slightly charred.

[img attachment=”121422″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”roast-broccoli” /]

Delicious.

***

THURSDAY
Buldak (fire chicken) with cheese

Great caesar’s ghost, I wrecked this meal. Here’s the recipe I butchered. I made so many substitutions and ignored so many proportion conversions and fudged so many techniques, there really wasn’t much hope. But still, it might have turned out good, had I not pounded in one final nail in the coffin. And that nail was pre-shredded Aldi cheese.

Aldi is wonderful for fancy cheeses, and the block cheeses are fine. The sliced cheeses are passable, if somewhat interchangeable. But the shredded cheese are really, truly just plastic. You know those melty beads the kids loved last year? Aldi cheese is like that: it will lose its shape when you expose it to heat, but the second you take it out of the oven, it becomes a rigid, oily, almost impenetrable crust.

[img attachment=”121423″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”fire-chicken” /]

Looks delicious. Wasn’t.

I really do know better; but I spent all week leaking money like the woman with the hemorrhage, except leaking money, and except no one was passing by in clouds of glory looking to ease my suffering if I but touch anyone’s hem; and my faith is kind of at a low ebb anyway, so I went for the cheese that is $2.99 a pound. Even though I know better.

Also, it says to slice the rice cakes and saute them. I sure tried, but I’m guessing the things they call “rice cakes” in Southern New Hampshire are not what the Korean world calls “rice cakes.” Not at all.

I had so much chicken, I made a separate recipe for the kids, and just mixed the chicken with tomato sauce and topped it with plastic. They liked it okay.

***

FRIDAY
Pasta and salad IF I FEEL LIKE IT

Ain’t it a cryin’ shame? Let’s face it, I’m exhausted.

Oh! I forgot to tell what turned Corrie yellowish orange last week. It was Goya Sazon seasoning con Azafran. Good old Red #4.

What’s happening at your house? Eating some squash? Tell me all about it, because I have a horrible sinking feeling I have to come up with seven more meals next week.

Terrible crafts, how to do them, and why we bother

We used to do sooooo many crafts. No we do no-o-o-o-o-o crafts at all, hardly. I feel bad about this — not because doing crafts is one of those immutable proofs of good mothering, but because we almost always genuinely enjoy it, if we approach it with the right attitude.

My little guys have plenty of arts and crafts material to mess around with, but what they really want is for me to put my laptop away and sit with them for half an hour while we chitter-chat about the ridiculous things inside their heads. The craft is really about them, and about our time together, and not about the craft itself. So I’m trying to get back in the habit of doing little projects at least once in a while.

Here’s a really easy one I found. I got the idea from the waiting room at my daughter’s hair salon.

  1.  Cut a bunch of Q-tips (ear swabs) in half.
  2. Poke them into a styrofoam ball. The more you poke in, the better.
  3. Roll the finished Q-tipped-ball in paint. (I thought of this afterward. We dipped the Q-tips in paint before sticking them into the ball, which was messier.)
  4. Stick a skewer into the ball, stick it in a vase, and you’ve got a flower(ish).

That’s it. A total success, by my standards — because the kids had a lovely time and I didn’t yell at anyone, and it was over quickly.

[img attachment=”121301″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”craft-both-girls” /]

Why do I resist craft time so much? Lots of really reasonable reasons! But I’ve learned to overcome most of them over the years.

There will be a horrible mess. Well, this is unavoidable, so just lean into it. I don’t clear the table ahead of time, but just set up the paints or whatever right on top of the spilled corn flakes and ripped-up mail. This may make you even crazier, but for me, it means there’s one mess to clean up instead of two, and there’s no, “Aughhh, I just got this space cleaned up and now look what happened to it!”

Let the kids wear clothes that you don’t care about. Or do the craft before they take their pajamas off. Or just let them work shirtless. That works, too. If the weather cooperates, move it all outside.

And I cannot recommend a tile tabletop highly enough. After years of struggling with an always-cruddy wooden table, I tiled it myself, using one of those pre-glued mats. Easy peasy, and everything washes off it. Everything.

[img attachment=”121302″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”craft-corrie” /]

Also, I will continue buying scented baby wipes until the day I die. I sometimes even use them for wiping babies.

You’re not crafty.  I avoid this by doing on the very, very simplest of crafts and by not even attempting to make the finished product match the picture on the instructions.

Before you even begin, weed out from your mind every last little idea of what the finished product is supposed to look like. Don’t hope for anything good. Don’t hope for anything in particular. The point is the experience, not the end product. Make an explicit resolve to make it a pleasant experience for your kids, and let that be your only goal.

Your kids are not crafty, or even competent, or even — holy mother of Betty Grable, how do they even get through the day?

So what? If they’re going to cut, burn, or needle themselves, insist that they do it your way. If they’re just plain doing it wrong but they’re fine with it, go make your own flower. Help them if they want help. If they don’t want help, go make your own flower. If they go “off task” and start making something else instead, that’s fine.

[img attachment=”121303″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”craft-benny” /]

Now, if they insist that you “help” them by doing it for them, you’re entitled to just say, “Oh well, I guess this craft isn’t so much fun. Let’s try again another day” and pack it up. Unless you want an excuse to sit down and make stuff. That’s fine, too; only don’t hog the materials if the kid suddenly becomes interested again.

But don’t let perfectionism or comparison get in the way of trying a project. I’ll say it again: make it be about the experience, not about the finished product.

You don’t want to clutter up your house with a bunch of craft projects. A legitimate problem. We handle this by praising the finished project extravagantly, displaying it for a while, and then throwing it away after it gets torn up or knocked to pieces because of all the hubbub. If it’s really special, take a digital photo and save that.

The most important part: do praise the finished project extravagantly. I know all about the scourge of coddled special snowflakes who have never heard anything but praise, and what useless, narcissistic, entitled adults they become. This is a problem if it continues all through childhood and beyond in every aspect of a child’s life. But a child under the age of ten is not going to benefit in any way from hearing that there is something lacking in his Q-tip flower. And a parent who feels a strong urge to correct said flower is already, believe me, making plenty of demands on the kid in other areas.

And even if you do praise a kid too much, it’s a heck of a lot easier to recover from that kind of childhood than it is to recover from the opposite kind of childhood.

If you really feel like you can’t say something nice about the scroddy little wad of whatever-it-is the kid is showing you, look into her face and say, “How lovely. How extremely lovely” and you will be telling the truth.

[img attachment=”121306″ align=”aligncenter” size=”medium” alt=”benny-craft-2″ /]

15 Tips for giving a speech (and getting asked back)

Four years ago around this time, I gave my first public speech. It wasn’t very good, because it was my first public speech. Since then, I’ve learned a few things about how to catch and keep the audience’s attention. I’m still relatively new at this game, but I keep on getting speaking gigs, so I must be doing something right.

These tips aren’t mainly about the content of your speech, but about how to convey your ideas effectively and memorably.

BUT A FEW THINGS ABOUT CONTENT:

1. People generally remember one or two phrases or ideas out of a 40-minute speech, so choose wisely and be in charge of what stands out. It’s okay to tell a gripping story or a funny joke, but understand it will probably be the audience’s take-home, so make it relevant, not just memorable. If there’s something you really want your audience to remember, turn it into a refrain and go back to it five or six times.

2. Tell them what you’re going to tell them, then tell it to them, then tell them what you just told them. This is not because your audience is stupid or dense; it’s because it’s new to them. Go with simple, memorable, and meaningful over subtle, dazzling, or intricate.

3. Skip the visuals unless they truly add something to your speech. Always skip the cheesy animated Powerpoint effects. The word “hope” truly isn’t more meaningful when it goes zooming around the screen like a crazed housefly. Ideally, your words themselves should create visual imagery in the audience’s head.

PREPARATION LONG BEFORE THE TALK:

4. Practice your speech out loud many times, of course, but also practice it out loud to someone else in the same room. There’s no substitute for a fresh set of ears to catch unclear sentences, the inevitable repetitive passages or words, and any weirdness or unfortunate connotations you missed.

5. Work hard at shedding irritating vocal habits. If you keep saying something meaningless (“like” or “um” or “so”), then ten minutes in, it will be all the audience hears. The only way to break the habit is to practice your speech until it makes you want to throw up.

6. Find out as much as you can about your audience before hand — while you’re writing the piece, and even right before you deliver it. The greatest talk in the world is worth zilch if it’s not a good match for that particular audience. Find out the age range, typical marital status, how conservative or liberal they are, income level, what kind of speeches went over well with this crowd in the past, and anything else you can think of, and then make adjustments accordingly, so they know you’re speaking to them.

PREPARATION JUST BEFORE THE TALK:

7. Dress unobtrusively. You shouldn’t be adjusting your neckline, brushing your hair out of your eyes, or smacking the podium with a swinging necklace or jangly bracelet. Wear something simple and professional, and wow everyone with your ideas.

8. Test the mic ahead of time. They vary so widely. Sometimes you have to actually brush it with your lips to be heard; sometimes you’ll get horrible feedback if you hold it too near your face. Sometimes the sound quality is affected by where your hands grip the handle. I prefer a lapel mic if I can possibly get one.

9. If you’re anything like me, you will feel like absolute garbage for 48 hours before the speech, because you suddenly see you are a complete fraud, everyone will hate you, and there is something drastically wrong with your nose and chin, and you’re boring anyway, and have nothing to say, and your voice is weird. Go ahead and cry, then wash your face and get out there. They hired you for a reason. They hired you for a reason! You! So go be Amazing You for 40 minutes, and then you can go back to your hotel and collapse like a bunch of broccoli.

10. Go with the delivery system that makes it easiest for you to give a good speech. Many speakers like to memorize their speeches entirely, or they only bring a few note cards up with them. I don’t trust myself to do this, even if I’ve given the same speech a million times. I bring the full version up with me and I try to memorize it. I always ad lib some portion, and I usually decide to skip at least a few paragraphs on the spot. It’s nice to be able to maintain eye contact with the audience the whole time, but not if you’re going to be stumbling and stuttering and saying “Y’know, y’know” the whole time (which is what I did last time I tried to go off script). It may not look fabulous to walk up with a sheaf of papers, but I’ve never had any complaints, so I’ve stopped feeling bad about it.

 

ACTUAL TALKING:

11. Speak much more slowly than you think you need to. You will tend to speed up if you’re nervous, so be prepared.

12. Don’t just think about the words themselves, but think about your tone, your volume, your timing. Speak much more expressively and dramatically than you would when you’re talking to someone face to face. The audience paid for their ticket; now you have to take them on an entertaining ride. Silence can be even more effective than words, used judiciously. Take your time. If you get rattled, just pause, regroup, and start again. It’s your room. Fill it up with your performance.

13. It’s okay to look just over the heads of the audience, if their faces are distracting or unsettling. I try to make brief eye contact with people in each part of the room, without neglecting any corners; and I try not to linger on any one person for too long, so as not to freak them out.

14. Don’t take it personally if someone looks tired or bored or angry, or if they are watching you with a weird, fixed grin. People’s faces often do not show a true picture of how they’re receiving your words. And anyway, you can’t reach everyone. Be happy if your words meant a lot to one or two people (and you got paid!).

15. If there’s a question-and-answer session afterward, prepare something ahead of time in case there’s an awkward silence. (An awkward silence doesn’t necessarily mean you bombed or your audience is asleep or hates you. Sometimes they’re just thinking over what you just said.) If no one raises their hand, you can say, “All right, let me ask you something. Who did that amazing mural in the back of the hall?” — or whatever, anything, just to break the ice. One time I said, “Well, I wouldn’t know what to say, either,” and everyone laughed, and then a bunch of people raised their hands.

BONUS TIP:

Don’t leave the building without your check. Trust me on this. If you leave without your check, you will never get your check.

***

Are you a public speaker? Or have you sat through a lot of talks and wish the speaker would understand a thing or two? What would you add to this list?