Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s winners, and a few notes

Wednesday’s winners! Congratulations to the following folks:

1 The Sinner’s Guide to NFP: Mikayla Dalton

2 $25 Pampered Chef gift certificate: Joe Sales

3 2 books by Leah Perrault: Medeline

4 Subscription to NFP Charting Online app: Jenny Stevens Hamilton
5 My First Prayers board book: Courtney Foster

6 10 Pope Francis Magnets: Vicki Hammond McDonald
7 set of Living Young massage oils: Elizabeth Ambrose Lovett

8 Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition: Stacie Gresham

9 My Family steel and crystal locket: Chelsea Houghton

10 $20 gift certificate to Apostleship of Prayer: Andrea Kenny
11 Fossil Stone rosary: Gretchen Mena

12 ClearBlue Fertility Monitor: Laura Rydberg

 

I’ll be sending you emails shortly with information about how to claim your prizes.

 

I never posted Tuesday’s winners, did I? I accidentally posted the winner’s names matched up to the wrong prizes, and took it down right away; and I sent emails with the correct information. Sorry about that!  Yesterday was a glorious display of how many technical and human errors one woman and one computer could commit together. Also, someone pooped on my computer (just a little bit, but still).

 

Here are Tuesday’s winners. You should have all received an email from me by now:

 

Sinner’s Guide to NFP: Jane Stanley
Trader Joe Truffles: Eleanor McCarty

Holy Sex!: Jennifer Sanders
My First Prayers: Chris Reed

Victory Ranch Soap Gift set: Krisan Doerfler Siegel
Classroom Management for Catechists: JoAnn
Pope Francis magnets: Sarah Jendzio : NOTE: This email address is bouncing back. If you are Sarah Jendzio, please email me so I can get you your prize!

Sauerkraut Kit: Ryan Lobato
Theology of the Body, Extended: Amy Thalhammer Richert

Creighton Sessions with Lindy Meyer: April Watson

Mark Shea book of choice: Dani Alejandro

Teething Jewelry: Gracie Marie Rose

How the First Christians Changed Dying: Amanda Bosch

Taking Charge of Your Fertility: Jess Fayette
ClearBlue Easy Monitor: Elizabeth Escoffery

 

Patheos is doing a massive upgrade sitewide, so I won’t be able to access my blog for a while, starting at 4 PM. It shouldn’t look any different from your side as readers, but I won’t be able to make any edits or post anything until after 11 AM on Friday, just so you know.

 

I’m super happy with how the contest is going so far! Remember, if you have any creative ideas for how to spread the word about NFP and/or my book, just choose “invent your own option” and let me know. I love seeing all the ways the word is getting out.

 

Tomorrow there will be a huge selection of prizes (over 20 at last count!) including two ClearBlue Monitors. The contest will have to go up sometime after 11 AM because of site maintenance. It will stay open for 24, hours like the others.

 

Don’t forget, you can also enter the drawing for the Baby-Comp fertility monitor. The winner will be chosen on Monday at noon.

Winners, day one!

We have our first thirteen winners from yesterday’s contest. I will be emailing everyone individually with instructions on how to claim your prize.

Thanks for entering, everyone! Don’t forget to check out today’s contest, this time with fifteen prizes.

 

Congratulations to the following winners!

  1. autographed Sinner’s Guide to NFP: Joanne Roethlin
  2. blue labradorite gemstone rosary: Kelly McClintock
  3. Taking Charge of Your Fertility: Caroline Cleveland
  4. Bundle of three books from OSV: Tony Marinaro
  5. Box of ClearBlue test sticks: Kara Kelly Heyne
  6. 10 Pope Franis magnets: Katie Huber
  7. Late to Love CD by Sam Rocha: Kate Moscato Leen
  8. blown glass hummingbird or slug: Corita
  9. Forming Intentional Disciples: Carolyn Perpetual Astfalk
  10. Mary Kay gift basket: PD Hammers
  11. Spice Up Your Marriage ebook: Layla Krog
  12. silver and zinc bracelet: Christine Fortunato
  13. Creighton intro session: Erin K. Dansereau

I realize that a few of these prizes may not be appropriate for the winners! If this is the case, I suggest donating them to your local Goodwill or church, or offering them for free on Craigslist.

At the Register: A chat with Mary’s Shelter founder Kathleen Wilson

SF:That seems like the hallmark of how your run Mary’s Shelter: you don’t only care about the babies and the kids, but you respect the parents. Is this a deliberate decision, to approach your ministry this way?

KW: Absolutely. We don’t just save the life of the baby. We’re out to save the life of the mother, and the father, if he’s in the picture. We crack up when we hear a pro-choicer saying, “You pro-lifers only care about the white baby in your belly.” That’s the biggest lie out there.

If the woman is abortion-minded, we’ll give her a place to live, if that’s what’s holding her back. If a woman walks in and she’s in a domestic violence situation, we get her counseling.  We don’t even kick them out if they’re drinking or doing drugs; we give them an opportunity to do a program and stay with us.

We give women up to two years with us; and women who are “rock stars” – the ones who are really looking to move on and get a nursing degree or something like that — she can stay up to three years while she does school and work and gets everything together. That’s all about the woman. That’s for her.

Read the rest of my interview about this amazing organization at the Register.

And don’t forget, I’ll be the keynote speaker at their upcoming Summer Soiree August 23! Free to attend, and a great opportunity to learn more about the amazing work they are doing.

At the Register: To serve your parents

Late afternoon finds me slaving over a hot Facebook page, gorging on a smorgasbord of tantalizing photos with captions like: “Here is my 8-year-old carefully chopping the chives she grew in her little garden! This is the second time this week she’s made pork medallions herbs de provence, but we’re not complaining, as long as her little brother provides those scrumptious grilled peaches with caramel bourbon sauce for dessert! They are so cute with their aprons. <3 <3 <3″

Yes, well. I believe in equipping a child for independent living, and if that education makes life a little easier for mom at the same time, all the better. At the same time, we’re talking about kids who sometimes miss their target while putting their own pants on. I’m not showing them where the knife sharpener is.

Read the rest at the Register.

Catholic Artist of the Month: Matthew S. Good

Here is the second installment in a series: Catholic Artist of the Month.  Rather than constantly kvetching about mediocre, sentimental art by Christians, I’ll be featuring artists who are doing it right. Last month (okay, it was two months ago! June was . . . rough), I had a wonderful conversation with Timothy Jones.

This month, I’m featuring Matthew S. Good, 31, who lives and paints in Hickory, North Carolina. His paintings are moody and intense, reminding me of Rembrandt, and it took several weeks to find a time when he was available to talk. I was somewhat nervous, expecting a reticent, brooding artist type. Instead, I was delighted to find myself chatting with a cheerful, self-deprecating fellow with a quick wit and a thick Southern accent.

Good has been apprenticed under Benjamin S. Long IV for several years.

Good’s work can be found at matthewsgood.com, and he blogs sporadically, mostly about the technique of painting. He has a large collection of studies in storage, and intends to list more of them on eBay.

Here is part of our conversation. My questions are in bold.

 

******

 

Have you always known that you wanted to be an artist?

I’ve always drawn. When I was about twenty, I saw Raphael and [Flemish Baroque painter Anthony] van Dyck, who are heroes of mine.  I bought a bunch of pigment for oils, and made about three hundred terrible paintings. I had no formal training; it was just trial and error.

What is the thing you’ve struggled with most as you improve as a painter? What did you really need to learn?

An understanding of anatomy. Drawing is all about how light hits the form. If you don’t understand the form you’re looking at, you can’t understand what’s going on.

 

That’s a big thing [Long] pushes: learning anatomy, and just drawing.  A lot of great painters that hardly draw anymore. Even if you go to restaurant, you should draw people when they’re not looking. Draw, draw, draw; practice, practice, practice; patience, patience, patience.

 

 

It looks like most of your training has been private.

I never went to art school. I’m in a personal apprenticeship with Benjamin S. Long IV. He’s renowned for his true frescoes. The first one was in Italy, in Lucignano, where he lives half the year. It was a memorial to one of his friends.

There are thirteen or fourteen frescoes here in North Carolina. It’s the highest concentration of frescoes outside of Europe.  The one I helped him with was three years ago. I helped grind colors, get the plaster ready, clean brushes.

 

 

How does that work, being an apprentice?

I work with him on a weekly basis with oils and drawing. He doesn’t tell me how to do anything .  It’s helpful to work on your own as much as you can; but it’s really helpful to have him there when you get into a bind. “Look at this, see how bad I am!” His whole thing is that you never use photographic references; use models.

 

 

I notice that a lot of your models don’t look like privileged people. They look like they just got off work, or just stepped out of a bar.  They have tattoos.

 

 

They’re all my friends! It’s important to me to paint my friends. There’s a whole variety of people I paint, and I don’t choose one type or another.

Well, they look like lovely, wonderful people! But I mean that you show all of your subjects with a great amount of dignity.

 

 

That’s very important to me. Rembrandt is the top. One thing I really love about his work the psychology in his paintings. Peasant, aristocrats — he painted them all with dignity. No person is more important than the other.

 

 

 

That emphasis on people’s dignity seems very Catholic to me. You are Catholic, right?

Yes, I am. I’ve done commissions for churches, but I don’t put a lot on my website about liturgical art. I love my faith, but I am a sinner. I struggle with my faith. This is the big thing:  I believe in loving absolutely everybody. Some of my deepest friends are from all faiths and walks of life. I don’t select only Catholic for friends.

Is there any particular kind of religious art that you especially enjoy?

I love all religious art. It’s in a public space, you don’t have to go into someone’s hallway to see it. And there’s a narrative to religious art, which is just the pinncacle of art, for me.

 

 

Is your family artistic?

No, I don’t know where it came from. I drew with my friends as a kid all the time. Michelangelo is the first artist I really loved.

What did your parents think when you said you wanted to be an artist?

They love it. A lot of my artist friends’ parents hate the idea, but my parents are very proud of me. My parents are both Protestant, very humble religious people. They have never tried to tell us we have to make a lot of money to be successful.

I’ve been making a living as an artist for five years now. I scrape by. I do travel to Italy!

 

 

Who are some of your favorite artists who are working now?

My favorite living painter, Ben Long, paints the life around him. He does large frescos, multi-figured paintings, and he doesn’t doctor it up. He paints life solely from observation, and he has a humble approach to the world around him.

I also love Steven Assael, who is not religious.

And I’ve never met him, but Neilson Carlin does religious work on a great scale, very beautiful work.

Do you see any kind of return to the kind of art that you enjoy? It seems like people are getting tired of ugly and bland things and are thirsting for beauty.

Believe me, my fingers are crossed.  John Paul II and Benedict have talked about bringing back art into the Church. It does seem like there’s a growing interest.

A lot of us are very anxious to return to the traditions of the church. I’m not militantly opposed to Vatican II, but traditional settings more reverent. Modern spaces aren’t thought through the way they used to be.  “Traditional” doesn’t necessarily mean repeating the past word for word, but I don’t see why we have to disregard thousands of years.

What kind of work would you most like to be able to put your name on?

Any sort of narrative from scripture or from the saints. This is something I would really like to get into. It’s hard doing it on your own. I don’t have much resources for models. Just doing paintings for churches would be my dream job.

But you weren’t raised Catholic.

I was raised Lutheran. In high school, I didn’t know if I believed.  It must have been when I was 19, I went on a little journey: Presbyterian, Methodist, Episcopal. I wasn’t even sure if I could go to Mass, but I went, and I could see something special was going on.  I got some library books on Catholicism, and appreciated the theology.

Ten years ago I converted. It’s a beautiful. I love the Catholic Church. You don’t hear much about sacraments in protestant churches, but it’s the most important thing we’ve got here.

 

 

*****

 

Are you a Catholic artist, or do you know one who would be available for interview? Send me a tip at simchafisher[at]gmail[dot]com.

Pewsitter says girl “admits” to being raped

A screenshot of Pewsitter from earlier today:

 

 

Schoolgirl “admits” being raped?

“Admits?”

I clicked on the link, and that’s what the headline says in the original article, too. I’d say Pewsitter was just unthinkingly reproducing the headline and bears no responsibility for the outrageous implications of that word, but anyone who’s been on Pewsitter’s vast and trackless bad side knows that they routinely make up headlines that suggest whatever they want to suggest. “Admits” is the word they liked.

The hell with them.

How I learned to stop worrying about wifely obedience and love my husband

s and d wedding

Ephesians 5:22!  Ephesians 5:22! Let’s all panic about Ephesians 5:22!

Nah. I’m not afraid of it anymore. But it’s not as big of a deal as I thought it was, either.

I’m not going to tell you what a Catholic marriage ought to look like. I’m just going to tell you what our marriage looks like, now that I’ve stopped trying to make it TheCatholic Marriage and started letting it be Our Catholic Marriage.

 

When I was first married, I was dying to leap feet first into the perfect Catholic relationship. So I took a deep breath and prepared to Ephesians 5:22 the heck out of my husband. He would tell me to do something, and I was going to obey him, by gum. (Like many couples, I yeah-yeahed my way past Ephesians 5:25-28, where the husband is supposed to treat his wife like Christ treats the Church, which is approximately ten krillion times harder than just obeying your husband.)

So I waited. And dammit, he never required me to obey him. Sure, he expected things of me — some reasonable, some unreasonable. We were just married, and we had a lot to figure out. But in general, the issue of obedience just didn’t come up. I was afraid this meant that we had a spiritually inferior marriage — that we were limping along with some kind of second rate modern system which would get us through the years, but which was keeping us from . . . something. I don’t even know what. Spiritual fruit of some kind, which I didn’t even know enough to recognize the lack of, because I hadn’t sufficiently molded myself into an obedient wife.

 

Where did this idea come from?  Wifely obedience is portrayed in many Catholic circles as the main feature of marriage — more important than prayer, more important that personal formation of any kind, more important than caring for children, more important than anything.  Just wifely obedience as a state of being.  Gotta submit, gotta obey, gotta be meek, gotta acknowledge your husband’s all-encompassing domination over the family with every breath, every word, every gesture, every thought, every decision. Without wifely obedience, we have chaos, we have the feminization of men, we have divorce and bitterness and unhappiness of every kind. When the wife isn’t panting to obey, marriage becomes a black hole into which, with a faint scream, the domestic Church as a whole is sucked, never to return until the Second Coming, when Jesus comes back for the main purpose of yelling at all those lippy dames.

But here’s the truth: If marriage is in a shambles, it’s not because of wifely disobedience. It’s because of a very old reason: selfishness. Sometimes it’s the woman who’s selfish, sometimes it’s the man. Sometimes it’s both of them.

When my husband and I got married, we were both young, and he would readily admit that he didn’t have any more life experience or wisdom or inside information about anything than I did. He’s better at some things; I’m better at others. There are some things we’re both bad at, and  need to hold each other accountable for. The “he decides, she complies” model? What for?  Our relationship had never been like that when we were dating, so why would it change when we started a family and things became complicated?

 

We fought a lot, and sometimes still do; but gradually, we started to realize that when we disagree about something, it’s usually because we aren’t listening to each other, or don’t believe yet that the other person understands something that we don’t. Usually, when we really start to listen (and sometimes we have to have the same fight over and over and over again before we can really hear each other), it actually becomes very obvious that one of us is right and the other one is wrong. And then it becomes easy to know what to do: you do the right thing. We’ve been through enough crap together to know that neither one of us is going to push hard for something that would be bad for the family. If he really, really wants something, I trust that he has a good reason; and vice versa.

In general, the person who bears the brunt of the decision at hand is the one who gets to make the call.  So if he wants to make a career move that I’m not crazy about, it’s ultimately his call, because he’s the one doing the job. If I want to make a major change in the kids’ education and he’s hesitant, it’s ultimately my call, because I’m the one who spends more time with the kids, and the I’m one who deals most with their daily schedules.

But here’s the thing: even if there’s something that affects one of us more than the other, there are zero decisions which only affect one of us. Even little stuff. That’s how it is when you’re one flesh, for better and for worse: nothing is just about you. What is the point of joining together if you behave as if one of you is more important than the other? That would be bad for both of you.  One spouse making autonomous decisions without considering the other person is like trying to set a course if you know your latitude, but not your longitude. You’re gonna get lost.

 

Here’s what everyone needs to understand about the grace of the sacrament of marriage. One of the main ways you receive it is . . . guess how . . . through your spouse. It’s not as if the husband can just go about his husbandly business being a good husband by standing in a shower of Husband Graces once a week. No, he learns how to be a good husband by drawing closer to his wife.

Many years ago, my husband was going through a really rough patch. He had tons of serious problems all at once, and he couldn’t sleep for the anxiety. He lay in the dark, begging God to help him out. And then he suddenly realized that I was there, in bed, next to him. And that was the answer. Not that I could solve his problems — I really couldn’t — but I was there to help him. That’s why I was there.

 

Authoritarian husbands often point to Mary and Joseph to illustrate “He decides, she complies” as the true Catholic model. But what do we actually know about St. Joseph? Mainly that (a) He utterly failed to stand on his rights and get rid of that seemingly disobedient, seemingly sinful, seemingly rebellious young chit of a girl who turned up pregnant without his say-so, and instead he (b) cared for his wife and child.

And what about that idea that a husband should love his wife as Christ loves the Church? What do we know about Christ? Mainly that He served and gave and served and gave, and then He died for her, and then He came back to life so that He could serve and give some more. That’s what we know.

In our marriage, obedience is an emergency tool. My husband uses it when I am being truly insane: when I’m delirious, or exhausted, or too overwhelmed with guilt and self doubt to think clearly. Then he asserts his authority and insists on . . . taking care of me.

I can also see obedience being useful if a man simply has the kind of personality where he needs to have his way; or if the wife has the kind of personality where she simply doesn’t want to deal with things. Obedience would help the marriage survive, in the same way that a tourniquet might prevent you from bleeding to death — but it’s hard to imagine that that kind of system isn’t fostering selfishness and childishness. It’s like what Fr. Longenecker said about gender roles, only more so:

Rigid gender roles are subjugated to the law of love. Loving our spouse and children in a free and generous way is what it’s really all about. Gender roles are not law; they are there to help us achieve complementary love.

There you go. Don’t worry about whether or not you’re fulfilling Ephesians 5. If your marriage is loving, then you’re doing it right.

How does it work in your marriage? Do you and your spouse — or you and your peers — have conflict over how the issue of obedience? Have you come to understand Ephesians 5 better over the years?

Navigating Marriage after Baby

Becoming a parent both deepens and complicates your relationship with God. There ought to be a trophy for surviving Mass with an infant in tow. But if you do get to hear some of the Scripture readings, be prepared to hear them with new ears. God as tender father; the Church as merciful mother; Christ as the one who gives up his body because of love — suddenly these mean so much more when you’re a parent yourself.

Maintaining a spiritual life while raising a child is parenthood in a nutshell: it’s hard, complicated, tiring, sometimes frustrating and confusing — but rich, deep, profound beyond measure.

Read the rest in my article, Navigating Marriage After Baby, in the latest issue of Our Sunday Visitor.

At the Register: Maite Roche is a treasure

 

As a writer with children, I receive lots and lots of Catholic children’s books, and nearly every time, I regretfully decline to review them, because I cannot deal with the way Mary and Jesus’ faces are drawn. The best of them are blank and insipid, giving the impression that the Holy Family was dabbled in narcotics; and the worst are goony and pandering. Take it from me: transferring Spongebob’s features onto a human body and slapping a halo on his head is not, in fact, the best way to attract little children to the Faith.

Maite Roche is different! Read the rest at the Register.

Summer Drawing Club – I haven’t forgotten!

Sorry for the lapse! I know the last installment (exercises in chapter six) were supposed to go up yesterday. We did the first one (the blind contour drawings) this morning, and I hope to get them up tonight. Then we will do the other exercises in the chapter later and get them up asap! Just a bit overscheduled here. Thanks for your patience!

Here’s a post explaining what we’re doing.