Inspired gifts handmade by working moms, 2018

Quick, before it’s too late! Here are five of my favorite shops selling handmade goods that would would make delightful presents. All the goods are handmade by busy moms (including three single moms and one military wife). In the comments, please feel free to leave a link to your own shop for handmade goods for sale.

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This kills me: A mini censer for your car.
$24.95 from Door Number 9.

So much better than fuzzy dice! You can’t actually light it on fire, but you can open it up and put a drop of essential oil on the little lava rock “coal” inside, to keep your car smelling holy (or lavender-y or lemon grassy or whatever you like). Of course you can use it in your home, too, in your prayer corner or anywhere.

Also check out her delightful collection of unique religious jewelry, including a Joan of Arc replica ring, pins, bracelets, brilliant pendants, medals, and more.

Also hilarious: This bickering angel mug, $15.95. “It’s alleLUia, not alleluiA!” Shades of Hermione Granger’s “Wingardium Leviosa” pedantry.

More cool and funny mugs in the shop.

And for the Hamilton fan in your house, this amazing set of handsewn dueling fleece-and-faux fur stockings with brass buttons, embroidered “A. Ham” and “A. Burr.”

They come in a burlap gift bag with a brass star charm. A steal at $19.95 for the set.

For lovers of history and cosplay, Elisa has an impressive array of geeky T-shirts and splendid handmade costumes. And of course the “Hail Mary Full of grace, punch the devil in the face” onesie you didn’t know you needed.

I’ve seen this design all over the internet, but I witnessed Elisa come up with it herself, so now you know!

You definitely know someone who needs a “Heretical Nonsense: For Research Purposes Only” stamp.

Admit it, someone sprang to mind right away.

Hundreds more strange, beautiful, and original gifts in this store! Browse around and be inspired.

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Something a little different: These sparkly, hand-pressed salt clay ornaments:

My sister just opened up this little shop, Magpie Street. Aren’t these pretty? And so reasonably priced. Here’s a lovely one pressed from an evergreen branch:

More designs in the shop. Give this fledgling business some love!

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Next up: The shimmering chainmail wonderland that is Iron Lace Design. Here’s my current favorite from the genius of Kyra Matsui:

Thayet of Conte. Breathtaking. And what do you know, before I could publish this post, it sold! These are works of art and many are one-of-a-kind. Luckily, Kyra does take commissions.

A perennially popular item: One-decade fidget rosaries.

“Sturdy enough for children, deeply satisfying for people who fidget when they pray.” The semiprecious stone beads spin and the chain mail feels wonderful in the hands. I’ve never seen anything like these anywhere else.

These are customizable. She also sells lovely and sturdy customizable one-decade rosaries, full rosaries, and fidget bracelets.

What else? Spectacular, queenlike earrings!

Chokers. This one is milky, iridescent moonstone and stainless steel, so basically magic. I’m lucky enough to own a necklace in this design, and it’s one of the best things I own.

The chainmail solution to the problem of constantly losing your medals. Attractive and unusual and strong as heck. A variety of silver-plated medals available.

Browse around and be amazed, and follow Iron Lace Design on Facebook to get in on the ground floor when Kyra comes up with something new and breathtaking, like this

before it gets listed and snapped up.

And finally: Apple and Azalea has a wonderful array of elegant and stylish memory wire rosary bracelets. Here are just a few that are in stock. I have one of these Theresa’s rosary bracelets and it is wonderful.

Order by December 16 for Christmas delivery:

Ocean Jasper!

Ocean jasper and glass seed beads. So elegant.

This one is ocean blue ombre glass and copper.

Fresh and lovely.

And one more especially striking choice:

“Unakite is a beautiful natural stone that is mostly olive green with swirls of salmon pink, brick red, forest green and even a little gray. This amazing range of color has the over all effect of being both earthy and feminine. The five decade rosary bracelet begins with a jet black bead that has a gold crucifix stamped on it.”

Theresa also offers clever Morse code necklaces with a secret message spelled out in beads.

This blue and green glass “COURAGE” necklace could make a powerful and meaningful gift for someone who needs a tactile reminder of their own strength.

There are also dozens of simple, lightweight earrings like these honeycomb ones:

Perfect for a beekeeper or just someone sweet. Shop around!

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Finally, these luxe and heartfelt learn-to-knit boxes with thoughtfully sourced components, instructions, and card , like this Deployment kit:

from Bethany Farm Knits. 

Many more lovely items in the store, including this lovely soft wool cowl

available in several colors, with or without wooden buttons

and this adorable octopus lovey blanket

soft and cute, perfect for your little white whale on the go.

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Order soon! All five stores are run by extremely busy moms working hard to get all your orders to you as soon as possible, so do check delivery times if you’re hoping to get them by Christmas.

Other sellers of handmade goods, feel free to leave a link to your store in the comments. Handmade goods only, please; no essential oils or other multilevel marketing products. Thanks!

TOPIC CHANGE: Remember the Pants Pass?

A long, long time ago, back when we were young and dewey, and ultra conservatives were still blackballing me for being a toxic radical castrating feminist, rather than friending me like crazy as the freshest incarnation of Catherine of Siena, I made a thing called a Pants Pass.

It’s weird. I know. Let me sum up: This mediumish name in the Catholic world put out a weird little message (“not a hard-and-fast directive!)” listing 14 reasons why women ought to wear skirts and dresses allatime. Oh yes, it’s still online. Bunch of Catholic women unanimously declared it bullshit, and to that chorus I added my Panstifesto.

There was a strenuous backlash among the Assholio Community, and so I felt compelled to fisk the not-a-directive in more detail. Here’s the salient part, which led to the creation of The Pants Pass. The sola skirtura guy had said:

[Wear skirts] for us, the minority of chaste men who merit the gift of enjoying your beauty in such a way as to be grateful to your creator without temptation. Make it so it is good for men to look upon you, rather than requiring us to look away (which is a tragedy).

“Merit?”  “Make it so it is good?”  I’ll translate this for you:

I don’t cheat on my wife, and that’s really hard, so I’m entitled to some compensation.  So line up, girls, and show me something special.  Neutrally modest isn’t good enough — I deserve something niiiiiiiice.

Oh, you sound just like Padre Pio; really you do!

Several other men in various comboxes expressed a similar idea of their right, as a virtuous man, to enjoy all women in a virtuous way.  They’re not satisfied with cracking down on their own wives — they feel that they’ve won the privilege of savoring and setting the standards for everyone else’s wife, too.

A few guys said that they could tell by the way I talk that I’m a disobedient wife.  How can they tell?  Because their wives wear skirts.  I usually don’t.  Therefore I must be disobeying my husband.

Never mind that my husband likes me in pants.  Which I mentioned.  So I guess they’re saying . . . that I should be obeying them?

Luckily for me, I have a husband who is just dying for someone to say something like that, so he can punch their lights out.  He recently quit smoking, and is looking for someone to punch.

But, ladies, what if your husband likes you in pants, but you happen to leave the house without him?  What if you’re doing some errands, you’re wearing pants, and some pigeon-toed guy with a scaly neck sidles up and confronts you for revealing the fact that you have legs — two of ‘em?

He scowls through his horrible beard and, once he gains control of the self-righteous quivering that shakes him from head to toe, he speaks:  “WHERE IS THY SKIRT, WOMAN?  WHY HAST THOU APPEARED AT WALMART IN THESE DETESTABLE PANTALOONS?  DOST THOU NOT RESPECT THY HUSBAND’S WISHES?”

Here’s what you do:  print out the following card, laminate it, and show it to the guy.

While he’s mentally translating it into Latin so it makes sense to him, you will be able to make a speedy getaway.  And since you’re wearing dem pants, you’ll do it without showing any skin!  Run, ladies, run!

Okay! So now we’re all caught up.

The reason I’m bringing this up now is because (a) aren’t we all looking for something, anything to talk about, other than The Thing? And more importantly, (b)  my dear friend Elisa of Door Number Nine has actually made and actually laminated some actual Pants Passes, which you can actually buy. $2.75 a pop, and worth every penny, I say.

And because she is who she is, she made up this little video, just to . . . well, I don’t know why.

You guys. That was eight years ago. Remember when the Catholic internet was torn apart by a battle over pants? I shall sigh forever.