Thursday! Game day! My brother-in-law Bill Herreid came up with this game of boastful puns or punful boasts. Either way, you’ve been warned.
Here are Bill’s punny boasts:
I’m so hip your grandfather broke me.
I’m so quality, I’m just an accident of something’s essence.
I’m so classy, half the freshmen dropped me.
I’m so out of sight Berkley thinks I don’t exist.
I excel so much, I have a spreadsheet of the birthmarks on my left big toe.
I’m so incredible, you can’t even believe this statement.
I’m so macho I’m covered in cheese.
I’m so complex Oedipus’ mom wants to marry me.
I’m so strong, you can smell me from a mile away!
I’m so fit I’ve got apoplexy!
I’m such a stud you’ll forget to find me when hanging a picture.
I’m so butch, I’ve got blood all over me and my hands smell like sausages.
I’m so tough that when people order me, they say “Well done.”
Fr. Denis Lemieux (not technically a relative, to our sorrow):
I’m so dope I’m still illegal in Colorado.
I’m so ill I can’t get out of bed.
I’m so legit I am actually really, really boring.
My sister Abby Tardiff:
I’m so articulate even my little toes have three joints.
I’m so smooth that physics textbooks use me when they want to ignore friction.***
My brother Izzy:
I’m so real I don’t include √(-1).
I’m so loaded I’m about to go off.
I’m so jacked I was reported by OSHA.
I’m so interesting the problem is compounding.
I’m so humorous they had to bleed me.
I’m so buff I shimmer.
And my contributions:
I’m so cutting edge that, ever since we met, you’re better by half.
All right, you terrible people who should be working. Lay it on me. I’m soliciting your comments so shamelessly, I got picked up by the vice squad.