We have a small house, by American standards. It’s about 1500 square feet, and 11 people live and move and have their being, and all their stuff, inside those walls. The trick to surviving and thriving in such limited quarters is to clean and organize assiduously. Assiduously, I tell you! This will require all family members to pitch in and do their fair share.
Does this happen? Well, I’ll tell you.
I’ll tell you.
My children care deeply about cleanliness. Or, at least, they have some very deep feelings about cleaning. I’ve been watching them in action, and I’d like to share with you some of the ways they manage their responsibility.
How to wash the dishes
If you’re overwhelmed by the massive heap of miscellaneous pots, pans, bowls, plates, and utensils, it will become easier to tackle the job if you stop and organize things first.
This is the last thing you want. Your goal, as with all cleaning projects, is not to end up with a tidy space, but to assemble evidence for the cosmos that you’ve been grievously wronged; so it’s best to make the job as unmanageable as possible.
Turn up your worst music, angrily tear open the dishwasher and begin cramming dirty dishes into it in this order: A single butter knife, a giant mixing bowl with onion skins clinging to it, a set of measuring cups still on the ring, the last remaining special blue glass from Mexico that your mother got from her sister for a wedding present; an iron frying pan, a novelty plastic souvenir cup that always flips over and fills up with soapy water, and another butter knife. I guess this basting brush with glue on it.
And that’s it. If you can find a pot with eggs burned onto the bottom, cram this down over everything else to seal in the doom and prevent the spray arm from spinning. If you’re out of dish soap, squirt some shampoo in there. It’s probably fine. How are you supposed to know, sheesh? Close the door, press ‘start’, and remind yourself that the reason the counter top is still crowded with dirty dishes is because you never asked to be born anyway, so how is this possibly your responsibility?
Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly.
Image: Pieter Brueghel the Elder, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
6 thoughts on “How to clean up, according to my kids”
I see you’ve been spying on my family again. Rude.
Spot on description of our kids. We too have only one surviving Mexican blue glass, out of, I don’t know, twenty?
You always have me laughing out loud!! Once again, you have captured our kids perfectly! Thanks for the chuckles!!
I feel seen.
Okay I’m glad my kids aren’t the only ones who “clean” this way!
Simcha, I don’t know how you manage but you do! When I was young and at home, I just told my mom I had lots of homework and it worked every time. She was such a dear!