Ask a couple who’ve been married 24 years today

Who has four thumbs, has been married for almost a quarter of a century, and absolutely adores haunted houses?

I have no idea. Definitely not me and my husband. We have the thumb part covered, and it will be our 24th anniversary in a few weeks, but we’re ambivalent at best about haunted houses.

You may wonder then, why we’re currently packing our bags to spend a long anniversary weekend at something called “Screeemfest,” which takes place inside an amusement park, which we also don’t especially care for, and which features no fewer than five on-premises haunted houses. Yes, that’s Screeemfest with three “e’s,” just like in Eastern equine encephalitis. Eee!

The thinking, see, is that our expectations will be so incredibly low, there’s nowhere to go but up. We do like each other, and we definitely like getting away from our kids, I mean the workaday responsibilities of everyday life, I mean our kids; so, I don’t know, this is what we’re doing. Chances are good we’ll have a good time one way or another, and after 24 years, we’re just leaning into the fact that we got married in late October, that’s all.

This strikes me as a much safer strategy than what we’ve done for our anniversary in the past, which was to try and sneak away for a super ultra romantic absolutely perfect dream getaway — a perilous endeavor which included getting lost on the highway, and then the fireplace not lighting properly, being embarrassed because I didn’t know how to pronounce the name of the fancy cheese I wanted to order, being too tired for champagne, etc. etc. The heck with all of that. A romantic weekend is where you find it. Happy anniversary, BOO! Eee!

As a little present to myself, I asked my social media friends for help writing this post. I solicited questions for a couple who’ve been married more or less happily for almost a quarter of a century. Here’s what we came up with:

What’s the preferred term: “The marital act” or “The Obligations”?

Like so many things in a strong marriage, it’s mainly about making other people feel uncomfortable. But what long-married couples don’t want you to know is that their secret word for “sex” is actually inaudible. They’re probably saying it right now, and you don’t even know it. Boo!

Did you ever switch sides of the bed?

Several people asked some form of this apparently burning question, and one person volunteered the information that she once did switch sides, and her husband got up in the middle of the night in his sleep and peed in the closet. Just if you were wondering whether there are less romantic things than going to a haunted house for your anniversary. In our case, it doesn’t matter which side of the bed I’m on, because I never sleep. I used to be up with the baby all the time. Now I don’t have a baby, and all I do is put on my pajamas and spend all night getting up and getting some ibuprofen, all night long. It’s called aging gracefully, look it up.

What’s the stupidest, funniest thing you’ve seriously argued about in those 24 years?

Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly

Image: Pxfuel 


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3 thoughts on “Ask a couple who’ve been married 24 years today”

  1. I always sleep on the side of the bed that’s closest to the door. Not sure if it’s some weird psychological thing I have going on or if it’s because I was the one up and down with kids all those years.

    My husband and I generally don’t argue (really), but my daughter will tell you she remembers one time we did have a fight (sort of) and it was over toilet paper. We were going on vacation and my husband was poking fun at me for bringing the Charmin along. Is this the girl he married?? How could I be so high maintenance??? He was sure **he** could use any TP no problem. So I told him I was keeping the Charmin for myself and he could use whatever sandpaper came with the shore house. Yeah, I won that one. Now come vacation time, he rightfully appreciates my “have Charmin, will travel” attitude. 🙂

    Enjoy your getaway! Happy Anniversary!

  2. Oh those poor Aussies who have the boring couple-on-a-dock photo. These skeletons are the definitive accompaniment to the blog entry. Poifect!! The Fishers in all their glory.

  3. Happy Anniversary! I loved this. Especially the “we never argue” entry, haha. My husband and I will celebrate 34 years of marriage on Oct. 31. Coupled with the fact that my birthday is on Nov. 2, we definitely lean into all of it, Halloween anniversary, honeymoon and 25th anniversary spent in Mexico, Dia de Los Muertos celebrations, the whole bit. Our kids are now in their 20s with kids of their own, so we no longer have to spend our anniversary wrangling kid costumes and handing out treats. I kind of miss it. Enjoy the Screeemfest! Sounds like a perfect way to celebrate, but I am biased.

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