Four weddings, but only one sacramental marriage. That was the tally by the time Rob and Shannon made their vows to each other 18 years ago.
Rob and Shannon are not their real names. The couple is not ashamed of their story, but they do not like to dwell on it, either; and it is complex enough that they have not told their own children all the details. It is a story about mistakes, pride, fear and hope, growth and grace, and love and canon law. It is a story, in short, about what makes a valid marriage in the eyes of the church, and how church leaders and structures respond when a marriage is not valid.
For such a theologically dense topic, annulments are a perennially popular topic of discussion and debate among Catholics. They are also perennially misunderstood. Many Americans speak of “getting an annulment” as if it were just the Catholic version of divorce, and many Catholics leave the church when they discover that there is more to it than that. There are persistent stories of rich or famous Catholics who supposedly bought their way out of undesirable marriages; and armchair theologians are quick to offer their pronouncement on whether or not a stranger’s marriage is valid based on a few online comments.
But the problems surrounding petitioning for decrees of nullity go deeper than rumors and misunderstandings. In 2015, Pope Francis made some reforms, aimed at lowering the costs and expediting the process. He opined in January 2021 that these efforts were being stymied by the desire for money.
But some canon lawyers believe a different kind of reform is necessary, anyway—the kind that takes place on a more personal level, where couples begin their lives together with a better understanding of what the church means by marriage, and are supported during inevitable times of struggle.
What does the church really teach about this widely misunderstood process, and how does it play out in the lives of ordinary Catholics? What does it do to their emotional and spiritual lives to encounter a doctrine that works in the space where law meets love?
Read the rest of my latest for America Magazine.
Image via Pixabay (Creative Commons)
2 thoughts on “The painful, grace-filled and (potentially) healing process of seeking an annulment”
You do such a good job, Simcha, of keeping focus on people, the real people impacted by an annulment, and their many varied emotions and responses and experiences, while not shying away from the Church’s teaching on marriage and what makes a marriage valid. It’s hard to find a balance between those, especially about a sensitive topic like this; often one side or the other gets shortchanged, but not in your writing. Thank you for sharing.
Best article I’ve seen on annulment . Should be required reading for all priests & deacons. After advocating for numerous petitioners, I often wondered why our diocese’s form asked so many questions about the petitioner’s and respondent’s experiences during childhood and teen years. Thank you for explaining this!
Deacon Ken Maleck
Diocese of Savannah