Prayer requests for my family!

1. My sister Sarah looks like she in labor with sweet Naomi, who is baby #8 (and daughter #7!).  Our Lady and St. Gerard Majella, please intercede for Sarah and Naomi for a fast and easy delivery and for peace and joy for the whole family.

2. Another sibling just got home from the hospital with a child who was diagnosed with an unexpected medical condition.  In the name of Jesus, we ask for strength and courage for the family as they learn how to care for this child.

3.  As long as I am asking for prayers from you lovely people, please throw in a quick prayer for our family as we deal with some situations. Sorry, vague intentions are the worst!  We are okay, but need to figure out the best way to handle some . . . stuff.

Many, many thanks!  I will keep you all in my prayers, IF you pray for me. Ha, just kidding.

Book giveaway! A Little Book About Confession for Children

As promised: I’m giving away one copy of Kendra Tierney’s A Little Book About Confession for Children from Ignatius and Magnificat.

This lovely, thorough, practical guide to confession is pretty much everything you could ask for in a book about confession for kids. It’s simple but not fluffy in the slightest, and would also make a fine guide for teenagers or adults who never understood the sacrament well. The pictures are nothing special, but the book is very clear and well designed. (Also, this may be silly, but I really appreciate the fold-over flap built in to the front and back covers, so you can mark your page. I swear, I spend half of my read-aloud time trying to remember where we left off.)

We are definitely using this book as our first confession prep, along with the Baltimore Catechism.

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment on this post confessing one sin. Ha, just kidding. Any comment is fine. I’ll leave the contest open until next Wednesday, February 26th at noon eastern, and will try to announce the winner that day.  Good luck!

Progesterone cream (prescription and OTC) improved my Creighton NFP charting of cycles and now NFP is tolerable instead of intolerable

This is my story of how progesterone cream made NFP tolerable, instead of intolerable.

The following post is purely in the interest of public service, and is not especially entertaining, amusing, or edifying (hence the Google-friendly title).  I am not offering medical advice! I am just telling my story, in hopes that it will encourage other women to talk to their doctors, too.  I wish I had done it a lot sooner, because now my cycles became intelligible, and NFP became endurable.

This post is all medical, and not for the squeamish.  I will be using the words “cervix,” “mucus,” and “period.”

Background

PIC Lasciate ongi speranze voi ch’entrate

We use the Creighton Model of NFP.  I do not seem to be able to take my (bizarrely low) temperature consistently, and I am too technophobic and mistrustful to try a monitor.   Creighton was a good choice for us because you can use it while breastfeeding.  But still, it was pretty awful for many years.  If Creighton is “an authentic language of a women’s health and fertility,” then my charts were clearly saying, “Wha?  Hasenpfeffer.  I think!  Potrzebie!  Huh?” and occasionally, “Ow.”  In other words, I never really knew what was going on, except that we did not have a lot of days available for sex.  Some months, we had a grand total of one day (and I would be deep in the throes of PMS, so, super sexy with all the crying and screaming and paranoia).  This was no good.

My Fertility Care Practitioner knew I was frustrated and kept on encouraging me to call this NFP-only doctor she knows, but I was sure it would just be a waste of time and money, because nothing will help, I’m doomed to suffer, etc.

The problem before progesterone cream

My main problem was continuous mucus.

  • I never had dry days, even when my cycles were fully established and regular after night-weaning.
  • There was just never a very strong distinction between peak-type (more fertile) and non-peak-type (less fertile) mucus, and that made charting almost useless, and a source of constant anxiety.
  • To accommodate these ambiguities, I got yellow stamps, but the “is this essentially the same?” question hit me right in one of my weakest spots:  I’m a compulsive second-guesser, especially when I’m tired, and the strain was enormous.  We had so, so, so few available days, and I was never sure that they were actually okay to use.  And saying “end of the day on alternate days when you’re — well, do you think you’re fertile?  Trust yourself!” — well, that ain’t sexy talk.

Also, I could never do the seminal fluid elimination properly, no matter what ridiculous contortions I tried or how much water we both drank; so even once we were post-peak, there was always some uncertainty about what I was seeing.

So finally I went for a check-up.  The doctor expected that I would have a cervical eversion from eight vaginal deliveries in 11 years, which can cause  chronic irritation of the cervix, causing superfluous and confusing mucus.  They can do simple treatment right in the office.  But no, it turns out my cervix is (inexplicably) fine.  So he gave me a prescription for progesterone cream, but I didn’t fill it for several months, because nothing will help, I’m doomed to suffer, etc.

 

Benefits

So I finally filled the Rx, and within a month of starting to use a dab of cream for a week or so per month, I started having cycles like in the manual.

  • The longer I used the cream, the more dry days I saw.
  • The peak-type (more fertile) mucus is more abundant, and very distinct from non-peak-type.
  • And most importantly, we now we have what seems like a luxuriously long post-peak phase.  We can even have a fight post-peak, and still have time to make up and have sex again!  It’s pretty sweet.

There are more available days pre-peak, too, but since most unexpected pregnancies seem to come from pre-peak conception, we are pretty conservative.

Seminal fluid is easy to eliminate, and even if I don’t do it, it’s very distinct from any cervical mucus.

I’ll say it again: my cycles now look like the ones in the manual.

Drawbacks

  • When I’m using the cream, my cycles shortened from a typical 29-30 days, to 26-27 days.  My practitioner says that that is unrelated to the progesterone cream, but it sure is an amazing coincidence, because I never in my life had a cycle shorter than 28 days until I started using the cream; and now I rarely have a cycle longer than 26 days.
  • My period is more “efficient,” which means it takes 5-6 days, but most of it happens over two extremely heavy flow days.  They are no more painful than usual, but much more messy; but it is kind of nice to get it over with all at once, instead of having a gradual build-up and gradual wind-down that goes on and on.
  • You can only use the progesterone cream if you are certain that you have already ovulated; otherwise, it may prevent ovulation.  So if you suspect a double or split peak, you can end up waiting and waiting for the actual peak day to come, and then it turns out you just get your period anyway (and then your next cycle might not be as spiffy, because you haven’t had the benefit of the progesterone cream from the previous cycle).  Obviously, that’s not a drawback of the progesterone cream itself, but could happen any time – – it’s just something that adds a slight layer of uncertainty, because you’re not just waiting to see what happens in the cycle, but also waiting to see if you should use the cream.

Details

I rubbed the prescription cream into my inner wrist, inner elbow (is there a name for that part?) or abdomen once a day, starting on day P+3 and continuing until the end of the cycle.  It hasn’t caused any type of rash or irritation, or dizziness or nausea.

In order to know exactly how much progesterone you’re getting, you need a prescription, and you need to get it at a compounding pharmacy.  The only local one here does not accept insurance, and the cream costs $40 for two pre-filled syringes, which last me nearly three months.

However, after several months, I decided to try an over-the-counter version of progesterone cream called Emerita Pro-Gest, and it works exactly the same for me.  It’s much cheaper and I just order it from Amazon.  I use it in the same way at the same part of the cycle, but twice a day (morning and night).

However, I am probably going to go back to the prescription kind, because I want to make sure I’m getting the right dose if/when we go for another baby.
For goodness sake . . . 

Please, please, please, do not try progesterone cream without talking to a doctor first!  Strange cycles can be caused by any number of things, some of them quite serious. Progesterone cream is a hormone, and just because it’s sold OTC doesn’t mean it’s safe or appropriate for everyone!

Many people use progesterone cream to alleviate PMS symptoms. It hasn’t helped me with that at all.  However, at least my cycles are intelligible enough that we can say, “Yep, it’s PMS” and we know I’ll be back in my right mind in 48 hours.
But you may not be doomed to suffer

If your cycle looks anything like mine did, maybe you should ask your doctor about progesterone cream.  It couldn’t hoit!  It does make some people feel terrible, and it doesn’t work for some people.  Some people are allergic to it, and some people, as I said, have serious conditions that won’t be helped by progesterone, so talk to your doctor talk to your doctor talk to your doctor.  You are much more likely to be taken seriously if you talk to a doctor who understands NFP.  One More Soul has a directory of NFP-only practices.

I wish I had emphasized this more in my book:  there are lots of kinds of NFP, and there are often things you can do to make your cycles more manageable.  So don’t be a fatalist like I was! Look into your options, and make the investment of time, effort, and money to improve things, if you possibly can.  Marriages are not meant to be sexless.  NFP is hard, but sometimes it’s harder than it needs to be.

But for goodness sake, please, seriously, talk to your doctor. 

 

At the Register: Gay Man Refused Last Rites?

Or something else entirely?  His story stinks to high heaven, and if the priest has another one, I doubt he’s free to tell it.

Link doesn’t seem to be working for everyone.  If you can’t access the story through the link above, you can cut and paste this:

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/simcha-fisher/gay-man-refused-last-rites

The Darwins’ Immediate Book Meme

From Darwin Catholic:

There are plenty of memes that want to know all about your book history and your all-time greats and your grand ambitions, but let’s focus on something more revealing: the books you’re actually reading now, or just read, or are about to read. Let’s call it The Immediate Book Meme.

Aww yiss!  I hate having to come up with the top ten most important or most influential books. It happens that I was heavily influenced by books that weren’t very good. And it happens that I can’t think of anything besides what everyone else already put on the list. This one, I just have to shove my bed away from the wall and rummage around on the floor to make my list.  Here’s the questions, with my answers:

1. What book are you reading now?

(I do almost all my reading in the 20 minutes before I fall asleep, so there is a lot of variety under my bed, to accommodate how tired I happen to be.)

2. What book did you just finish?

  • The Human Factor by Graham Greene. Wah. Not nearly so much blood and thunder as his over novels, but it broke-a my heart.
  • The Indian in the Cupboard by Lynn Reid Banks. So good.  There’s nothing worse than a story that comes up with a really good idea, but then the people don’t act like people would when some amazing thing happens. In this book, they do act like that.

3. What do you plan to read next?

4. What book do you keep meaning to finish?

  • Delta Wedding by Eudora Welty. It’s so good, but I just can’t deal with all those southern people. It’s kind of a problem.
  • Theology for Beginners by Frank Sheed.  Five chapters in. Not waving the white flag yet, but boy do I feel dim.
  • Playback by Raymond Chandler.  Probably won’t bother finishing. It doesn’t make very much sense, and Marlowe really crosses the line in this one.
  • Charley Is My Darling by Joyce Cary. I don’t think I have the courage to finish. It’s just too melancholy.
  • The DaVinci Code by whatever whatever.  I bought it in a book bin to take it out of circulation, then got curious. First I was amazed, then I was fascinated, then I was entertained, then I just got depressed, and couldn’t finish.  The idea of so much paper and ink and proofreading and delivery truck drivers’ labor going into something so thoroughly awful was just crushing. Couldn’t get to the end. So I guess I’ll never find out who whatever whatever whatever. At least the dollar I paid for it will go to the senior center.
  • We are 75% of the way through The Princess and the Goblin with the kids, but it’s been such a long time since we picked it up, I’m afraid they won’t remember what’s going on.  I always forget how difficult it is to read George MacDonald out loud.  There’s a lot of, ” . . . Wha? Let me read that sentence again.”

5. What book do you keep meaning to start?

Introduction to the Devout Life by Francis De Sales. I’m gonna, okay?
6. What is your current reading trend?

I’m making an effort to read books I’ve never read before, rather than re-re-re-re-re-re-revisiting old favorites. Working my way through more non-fiction than usual. Pro tip: it’s easier to read non-fiction if it’s about sex.

Okay, now your turn!  And thanks, Darwins!

My interview with ZENIT

ZENIT: “Would you place your book in the context of the New Evangelization?”

SIMCHA:  [runs and looks up ‘New Evangelization’].  “Yes.”

 

Utterly useless, utterly lovely

A handmade wooden machine that mimics the motion of a drop of water hitting a puddle:

h/t Ebaumsworld via Ameetha Widdershins.  Built by Dean O’Callaghan

Reader is looking for real-world account of infertility

From a reader:

question – do you know of a writer similar to yourself who writes from the perspective of infertility after having had kids.what i mean about a writer similar to yourself is that real world, humorous view of life & kids & God’s will. i need to read someone who writes from the perspective of someone who has had kids but is currently going through some kind of infertility but wants more kids but is struggling with God’s will in the matter. i don’t know if i’m making any sense. every writer i come across is all very holy & pious and “Imma offer everything up” and while I appreciate that view, it’s totally not me. I need someone who says, “Yes it sucks that I’m going through this and it sucks to try to live with God’s will in this.” haha. any suggestions? do you think your readers would have any suggestions?

Anyone?

Two great questions from men about NFP

I had a great interview with the witty and insightful Scott Eric Alt of Logos & Muse yesterday, and he incorporated parts of our conversation into his review, Seven Reasons to Read Simcha Fisher’s Book on NFP.  This question came up:

Why should we trust this mother of nine to make the case for NFP? That’s a fecun­dity beyond all rea­son! Either she’s not using NFP at all (oh the deceit!) or it does not really work. Nancy Pelosi infa­mously said that you call NFP-users “mama” and “dada,” and Sim­cha Fisher is exhibit A.

He’s not the first one to delicately inquire how I presume to write about NFP, when I’ve had so many kids in such a short time.  The short answer is that even exclusive breastfeeding is no match for my incredible, invincible, almost inexplicable fertility.  I’m not kidding.  You will just have to take my word for it that I do know what I’m talking about when I talk about abstinence.

The other answer is that this book is not based solely on my own experience. I was lucky enough to belong to a message board of NFP-users for many years, where men and women felt free to complain and console each other through the trials of NFP.  Not only did I learn about other people’s experiences, I learned that one’s own experience is not necessarily The Experience.

Check out the rest of the interview here.  We also talked about how God’s will works with free will; how NFP is not another kind of contraception, but another kind of life; and why I chose to write around NFP, rather than writing about NFP.

***

Next, Peter of Lightly Salted has written a really nice review in which he appreciates various points I made . . .

 … but all these things do not make the book as valuable as the main thread of her argument that runs through each chapter.

Fisher’s main point is this: sex is for grownups. So if you want fantastic sex, you need to grow up! When we are childish, petulant, selfish and lazy in our approach to sex, it will be disappointing to say the least. So the struggles with married life are a gift in that, learning to be a grownup in our most intimate relationship not only makes that relationship much more fun, frolicsome and fulfilling, it teaches us to be grownups in every other aspect of our lives. In short, marriage helps us grow in holiness.

Right on.  Then Peter asks the second question that has come up more than once: why isn’t there more in the book directed at men?  He says:

 I can hardly fault Simcha for writing from a woman’s perspective. After all, she writes as a woman who has listened carefully to men and seems to understand the basics. But  I wanted a chapter for men! A chapter from a man’s perspective might have rounded off the book as an even more excellent resource for couples than it already is. I don’t mean that she is hard on men. I think she is too soft in places. Sometimes it takes a man to tell other men to ‘man up’, and give some practical tips on how to go about it.

The book has a lot of chapters which are addressed equally to men and women, and then several which are addressed to women, encouraging them to understand, express themselves to, and encourage communication from their husbands.  This was deliberate.

The first reason I addressed women more directly is that women are more likely than men to buy and read a book about relationships, so I designed the book for women to read and then share with their husbands.  I did paint in broad strokes when describing how men and women usually think, and what most men and most women need.  (My editor made me take out a lot of tedious “of course, this may not apply to you”s and “naturally, there is a lot of variation”s.)  The goal of the book was not to tell men and women what women and men are thinking, respectively, but to encourage them to find out what their particular spouses are thinking.  In general, women are more motivated to broach that territory.

The second reason is that the book was already extremely personal, and I really didn’t want to write a chapter that would inevitably come across as “10 Things Simcha Wishes Her Husband Would Understand; Sheesh, What Do I Gotta Do, Write a Book?” or “Mistakes that Husbands Such as Damien T. Fisher, 39, of Southern NH, Make When Dealing with Their Wives.”

Okay, three reasons: my plan original plan was to sell maybe 250 copies of a self-published ebook and that would be the end of it, so I wasn’t really attempting to put together the definitive compendium of NFP-related issues.  But I fervently hope that my book will be the first of many about NFP, and I would love to hear more from and about men.

***

Thanks for the great reviews, Peter and Scott, and for the opportunity to answer those questions!  Readers, if you’re not already familiar with Logos & Muse and Lightly Salted, you’re missing out.

Yet another reason the all male priesthood makes sense

Chatting on Facebook about how nice it would be to hear more from men about NFP — and how tricky it was for me to try to address men, as someone who is not their wife or mother.   We had the following exchange:

Barbara Cobb: “In general men are more willing to accept direction from other men rather than women, including or especially their wives. I think that’s why God in His wisdom set up an all-male priesthood.”

Me:  “Wow, I never thought of that. How many men would go to a woman priest for confession?”

Jenny Townsend: “None. If they want to be corrected by a woman, they will call their mom.”
Me:  “And women don’t always like hearing direction from a man, but rather than avoiding it, they will tell him when he’s wrong, and then demand absolution. Yep, it’s a good system.”
Right?  And, sorry about that, priests.  I know you get pushed around by the nuns and the DRE, too.  Your rectory may be empty and lonely, but at least it’s quiet.