Scamper scamper

It’s been a hamster wheelish couple of weeks!  If you have contacted me, please be patient while I scamper my way around to you!  Thank you!

Sweet Jenna of Call Her Happy sent me some interview questions that I had fun answering. Best question?  She wanted to know about my very first blog post, which went up about seven years ago.  Thanks, Jenna!

The indefatigable Sarah Reinhard wrote a recommendation for CatholicMom.com’s Book Notes, and explains that my book is really about relationships.  Yes indeed!  Sarah has been incredibly helpful and encouraging as I muddle my way through this first book experience.  Nothing makes me more fearful and downhearted than success, and Sarah scooped me up and set me back on the right path more than once in the last few weeks.

And finally, Cari Donaldson of Clan Donaldson took time away from LAUNCHING HER OWN BOOK to write this fantastic review of mine.  Cari says,

There is a softness to Fisher’s writing here that is absolutely perfect for the topic at hand.  There is a patience and gentleness and honest compassion that immediately draws you in, regardless of your experiences with NFP.

Don’t be mistaken, the voice is still authentically Fisher’s, and that humor that she is known for is used so, so well here, but there is a camaraderie evident in the pages that really took me aback.  After all, as ridiculous as it sounds, by reading the comboxes following any article on NFP, you come away with a decided “us vs. them” mentality among people trying to faithfully live out their Catholic faith in all areas of their life.

With good-natured teasing of all sides of the spectrum (and including herself in that teasing), Simcha manages to put everyone at ease, the better to get to the nitty-gritty of the topic.  NFP is a cross, and it’s a blessing and it takes things away and gives so much more, and it’s everything and nothing all at once. Because, as she points out in her chapter “The Golden Box”, what “God really wants is you.  How you give yourself to Him is a much, much longer story”, of which NFP is only a part.

Thank you, Cari.  I am just delighted.

If you want a real treat, order Cari’s new book, Pope Awesome and Other Stories: How I Found God, Had Kids, and Lived to Tell the Tale, coming out Nov. 5 from Sophia Institute Press.

Oh my goodness, just look at that cover!  I was privileged to be able to read this book a few weeks ago, and I zipped through it.  So entertaining, so endearing, so true.  One of the most enjoyable conversion stories I have ever read.

 Okay, so don’t forget to enter the contest!  No entries accepted after noon, eastern time, tomorrow. Oh, and those bon bons which are part of the first prize?  I had some yesterday.  They are the best chocolates I have ever had.  Indescribable.

SGNFP has the best prizes.

As I announced last week, I’m holding a contest as a little thank-you to folks who have bought my e-book, The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning, which is still holding steady as the #1 bestseller on Amazon in Catholicism for Kindle books and books in general, and which has over fifty five-star reviews, from men, women, single people, people who have passed childbearing age, NFP instructors, a monsignor, two of my sisters, and the pope*, so you know it has to be good.

 

*Nah.

Here’s how you enter:

 1. Buy and read  the book. Come on, it’s only $4.99, and it’s short.
2.  Leave an honest review on Amazon, and email a screenshot of your review to simchafisher [at] gmail [dot] com.  Please put “MY AMAZON REVIEW” in the subject line.  (Note:  you can leave an Amazon review even if you bought the book through Barnes and Noble or Smashwords)
3.  That’s it.  You’re entered.   People who’ve already written reviews, are of course, welcome to enter. 

Easy peasy, right?  And now for the prizes.  THE!  PRIZES!!!!

FIRST PRIZE

These babies:

Yep, be the first on your block to own a matched set of SGNFP pint glasses.  I was going to include a couple of nips to christen the glasses with, but it turns out it’s illegal to ship alcohol unless you are a distributor or something.  So I will just have to pack up the glasses very carefully and hope to heck that nothing alcoholic happens to fall into the box.

I will, however, intentionally include one of these splendid little wooden boxes filled an assortment of ten exquisite handmade bonbons from Burdick Chocolate of Walpole, NH:

Folks, if you can’t make a nice evening out of that, even my book won’t be able to help you, and it’s a damn good book.

 

SECOND PRIZE

Your choice of five luxurious handmade soaps from Roots Soap Co.

I have been using these soaps since I met their maker, Anna Cools, last month, and they are lovely — very light and smooth, fragrant but not overpowering, and luminously beautiful to boot.  Anna says:

My base recipe consists simply of rainwater, lye, coconut oil, tallow, and olive oil. Once the oils and lye have saponified, I add a combination of pure essential oils, natural clays and organic botanicals, fine oils for extra moisturizing, and organic local herbs, flowers, spices and roots that are healing or beneficial to the skin. All of my ingredients are chosen with beauty, quality and benefit in mind for each body that will enjoy them. Each batch of soap that I weigh, stir, pour, cut and form with my hands is created with pride, love, many years experience and a rich history. I hope that each person who uses my products are touched by what is behind them.

My book doesn’t specifically cover the use of soap, and yet I can’t help but feel that the combination of “clean, yet exhilarating” is somehow apropos.

 

THIRD PRIZE

Third prize is a set of steak knives.

ABC.  Always Be Charting!  You chart or you hit the bricks.

Either way, enter in the contest!  I will close the contest at noon (Eastern time) on Friday, October 25th, and will try to announce the winners by 5 PM.

Good luck!

Primitive screwheads prepare for Halloween

Nothing like settling in after a long, busy Saturday, finding a cozy chair, cracking open a beer, and starting to make my son a paper mache Army of Darkness chainsaw hand for Halloween.

 

(Fortunately, we already own a boomstick.)  NOT THAT YOU ASKED, but here is how the chainsaw is going:

For the blade, I cut a foam meat tray.  For the motor housing part, or whatever it’s called, I rinsed out a milk jug and trimmed off the mouth.  Then I cut a slit in the bottom of the milk jug, inserted the foam blade through, and taped it place on the inside and outside of the milk jug with duct tape.

Then I cut a small X on each side of the milk jug, stuck a wooden dowel through, trimmed it to fit, and glued both sides, inside and out, with hot glue.  (This is so my son has something to hold onto.)  I also hot glued the inside and outside of where the blade goes into the milk jug.

Here is my happy boy, soon to be Ash, trying it on:

Then I slapped on papier mache and set it to dry:

NOT THAT YOU ASKED, but I will post more pictures when I put on the teeth and get it painted.  I’m not going to do tons of detail — just keep the milk jug’s handle as the handle, and add a round vent thing after it’s painted.  I’m going more for a cartoonish version than a faithful replica.  Because it’s paper mache!

 

Seven Quick Takes: NOT all about my book.

Just mostly.

1.  The audiobook.  I thought it would be ready for pre-order from Audible.com by now, but it’s not.  I will let you know as soon as it is!  This is a very chatty book, so audiobook will be a great format.  Plus, you’ll never guess whose voice they’re using:

x

Okay, fine, I don’t know whose voice they’re using.

2.  The contest.  The rules are:

1. Read my book. Come on, it’s $4.99, and it’s short.
2.  Leave an honest review on Amazon, and email a screenshot of your review to simchafisher [at] gmail [dot] com.  Please put “MY AMAZON REVIEW” in the subject line.
3.  That’s it.  You’re entered.   People who’ve already written reviews, are of course, welcome to enter.

I will work like an insane-o to have a picture of the prize ready by Monday, and the contest will run until that Friday, the 25th.  (Hey, that’s our wedding anniversary!)  Thanks to everyone who’s already entered!  I love hearing from you guys.

3. To readers who don’t own a Kindle or Nook:  I don’t have one, either —  I just downloaded a free reading program onto my laptop.  Here is a list of free apps you can download, so you can read Kindle editions on your computer, tablet, phone, chip implanted in your parietal lobe, etc.  We got you covered.

4.  The print edition. I have been talking to publishers all week.  YES, there will be a print version.  I will make an announcement as soon as I can!  It is lovely to be courted,

 

but a little nerve wracking for a first-timer like me.  But I am very grateful to have choices!

5. The first radio interview.  I just had a nice interview with Brian Patrick on theSon Rise Morning Show.  It got cut off unexpectedly — I don’t know if my phone crapped out, or what — but I did get a lot of talking in first.  You can download a podcast of the show here.

6.  Something something something that is not about my book already.  Oh, wait, here:  Head lice!  

 

We don’t have ‘em!  But lots of people do at this time of year.  This is the system that worked for us.  No neurotoxins, no seven-hour nit picking sessions.  If it works for my kids’ insanely thick hair, it will work for you.

7.  While I’m being helpful, here’s something else:  My knuckleheaded son broke his glasses for the third time this year.  The school year.  Which started last month. Apparently it’s not his fault because, while it’s true he was deliberately provoking his younger brother into punching him in the face, he never expected etc. etc. etc.  Anyway, my husband recently got glasses from Zenni Optical, and they are great.  And cheap (seriously, I think it was $30 for lenses, frames, case, and shipping)! And got here fast!  You just need a prescription, and away you go.  Now I just need a website that will quickly and cheaply dispatch ninjas to beat some sense into your knuckleheaded sons.  I’m pretty sure I could get a doctor’s note for that.

Okay, don’t forget to check out Conversion Diary for all the other quick takes!  Have a wonderful weekend, everybody.

Oh, I forgot!

One of the first reviews I got on Amazon was three stars, and it read:

I would have liked more pictures. And it didn’t tell me how many children to have. How am I supposed to know? Isn’t it just the same as the algorhythm method?

Now, I’m not sure if the fellow wants his name bandied about or not, but I laughed my head off when I read this.  Most people realized it was a joke, but then someone warned me that a funny joke like this could catch on, and generate a slew of hi-larious one-star joke reviews from fake disgruntled readers.  So on my “press release” post, I wrote,

There are 26 reviews on Amazon, with an average rating of five stars.

“I’m pretty sure that one three-star rating is a joke,” Fisher said.  ”My readers are real wise asses.  But seriously, if you think that taking bread out of the mouths of my children is a joking matter, by all means, continue.”

So of course the reader in question, being the nicest kind of wise ass, sprung into action; and the next day, I got a huge box in the mail:

 

I don’t know how well you can see it, but this is six boxes of Hodgson Mill Cheese and Herb bread mix, and five pounds of assorted candy.  So nobody is taking any bread out of anyone’s children’s mouths!  I love it.  And I would post a picture of us enjoying the candy, but it’s a little too close to this

x

 

for comfort.  And that was after the kids went to bed.

Thank you, guys.  You are the best!

About the cover art for SGNFP

My beloved cover

was done by the immensely talented John Herreid, who is a graphic artist for Ignatius Press.  (He also happens to be my sister’s husband’s brother, and he made the cover for me as a gift!)

Check out John’s latest blog post for Ignatius Press Novels, where he describes a few of the ingenious processes he used

while lovingly creating some of his favorite book covers.  So cool.

New rule

No setting traps for the baby just because you’re bored.

Or if you must, no using the last of the ham as bait.

 

Three cheers for Deal Hudson!

It’s short.  Go read the whole thing:

Dr. Deal W Hudson: Don’t Call Me a Conservative Catholic Anymore

PRIZES FOR YOU!

First, I just want to thank you guys.  My book has been selling really well, and I know it’s because of so much enthusiastic word of mouth buzz, and all the folks who were kind enough to take the time to leave a review on Amazon.  You are so generous, and I am amazed.  The outpouring of goodwill has just been overwhelming.  Thank you.

Second, with all the hoop de doo,

Hoop de doo, your holiness!

I forgot to name a winner for the Small Steps for Catholic Moms contest!  So . . . .

THE WINNER IS . . .

Guest!

Ha ha, no kidding, that’s what it says.  It’s okay, I have your email address, and I will contact you to get your mailing address.  It’s a great book, and I know you will enjoy it.  I even bought a bubble wrap mailer.

Third, I also forgot to name a winner for the last contest I held, where I was pre-giving-away a copy of my book.  So . . .

Emily, Monique, and Bridget, your ebooks are going out right away.  See? I said it would be November, and here it is October!  Early!  I win!

Fourth, I am going to do yet another contest for anyone who’s read my book, and I will totally not forget to give the prize this time, I swear. And the prize this time will bekind of awesome.  I’m being vague because I don’t have an image to share yet, but I think you’re going to love it.

Here’s how you enter:

1. Read my book. Come on, it’s $4.99, and it’s short.
2.  Leave an honest review on Amazon, and email a screenshot of your review to simchafisher [at] gmail [dot] com.  Please put “MY AMAZON REVIEW” in the subject line.
3.  That’s it.  You’re entered.   People who’ve already written reviews, are of course, welcome to enter.  And the prize this time will be kind of awesome.

 

Fifth, I am going to be chatting about my book on the Son Rise Morning Show at around 8:40 Eastern Time on Friday the 18th.  Hope you can catch it!

Oh, man, what a week.

Mother of Nine Accidentally Launches NFP Bestseller; Needle Buried on Irony Meter

MARLBOROUGH — Popular blogger Simcha Fisher’s first book, The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning, became a bestseller overnight after Fisher accidentally published the e-book a month early.

“I freaked out when I realized it was live, but I couldn’t figure out how to take it down. The next morning it was a number one bestseller on Kindle,” Fisher said.  “Apparently there was an option to set the release date, but I sort of glossed over that part, and now here we are.  Great news, obviously, and the whole family is very happy.  But we are scrambling with the logistics, because the timing was a little . . . unexpected.  Good thing we had already picked out a name.  For the book.”

Fisher added, “Yes, yes, book about NFP, accidental launch, irony, I get it.  I get it!”

Fisher planned to launch the e-book in November, to coincide with the audio version of her book produced by Audible.com. Fisher thought she was setting up her Kindle publishing account in advance, but instead published the book. Within 24 hours it was the top selling Catholic e-book, and the top selling Catholic book in all published categories on Amazon.

“I didn’t even have time to think about it,” Fisher said. “I still had to drive the kids to a birthday party and go grocery shopping.  It really hasn’t sunk in yet that I’m beating out the Pope.  And St. Augustine.  And the Bible.  Oh gosh, when does the dump close today?  I told you boys to sort that recycling!”

Fisher, a popular writer and speaker whose work appears in the National Catholic Register, Our Sunday Visitor, Catholic Digest, and other publications, offers her frank and funny take on Catholic sex, marriage, and family planning in The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning.

“If you’ve tried natural family planning and have discovered that your life is now awful – or if you feel judged or judgey, or if you trust NFP but your doctor doesn’t, or if just you’re trying to figure out how the heck to have a sex life that is holy but still human – you’ll find comfort, encouragement, honesty, wit, and, most importantly, practical advice in my book,” Fisher said.

The Sinners Guide to Natural Family Planning is already being hailed as a turning point in how Catholics can deal with this sometimes-difficult subject.  There are 26 reviews on Amazon, with an average rating of five stars.

“I’m pretty sure that one three-star rating is a joke,” Fisher said.  “My readers are real wise asses.  But seriously, if you think that taking bread out of the mouths of my children is a joking matter, by all means, continue.”

Simcha Fisher lives in Marlborough, NH, with her husband and nine children.  She is available for interviews and can be contacted at simchafisher@gmail.com.

Her book is available now on Amazon, Smashwords, and Nook. The Audible.com version will be available for pre-order very soon, and a print version is in the works.