Protected: Podcast 53: Jewbie-jewbie-jew

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L’Heimlich, Mr. Walker! L’Heimlich!

[pic] Fozzie bear pulls rabbi out of hat

 

Scott Walker, it seems, once covered himself in goyish glory with this ADORABLE note to one of his Jewish constituents:

scott walker munch

 

 

Well, it was nice of him to try; he’s a real munch. We only hope this won’t sour relations with the acidic community, or make things uncomfortable next time he speaks to the Anti-Defecation League. If it does get accused of being anti-semantic, there are other drinks besides that troublesome Molotov cocktail that he could offer. “Have a tequila!” he could sing out. I’ve even heard Hebews his own beer, which he could pass around while wishing everyone a happy harmonica.

If this doesn’t work, and someone vengefully changes the latkes on the door to the governor’s mansion, he could always move to that nearby state — you know, that big mitten-shaped one. Meshuggeneh.

Okay, yes, 100% of these jokes were lifted from the brilliant comment section. Here’s to a some good-natured teasing during a dark week. L’Heimlich, and no hard feelings. Goys will be goys.

 

Gut yontiff, Pontiff!

That’s what the Jewish Daily Forward can say to Pope Francis, because they just named him one of the 50 most influential Jews in the United States.  (Apparently they traditionally choose two non-Jewish candidates who show “respect and an understanding of Jewish culture”).

Of course, they could just as easily have chosen Benedict XVI

 

or John Paul II

Or Pope Paul VI

or Pope John XXIII

and of course Pope Pius XII.

So next time you meet the pope and want to wish him “happy holidays,” go ahead and sing out, “Gut Yontiff, Pontiff!”  He’s the Pope.  He’ll get it.

Hey, Gentiles!

This is what I’ve been trying to tell you.  You are not getting nearly enough chicken fat, beets, or fish jelly in your diet.  Or tzimmes (which sounds delicious, but is basically a bunch of strangled root vegetables with hot prunes).  Yes, gentiles, if you ate more food that looked like this:

you wouldn’t need this:

Found in my local grocery store circular.  Oh, New Hampshire.