Author: simchajfisher

PRIZES FOR YOU!

First, I just want to thank you guys.  My book has been selling really well, and I know it’s because of so much enthusiastic word of mouth buzz, and all the folks who were kind enough to take the time to leave a review on Amazon.  You are so generous, and I am amazed.  The outpouring of goodwill has just been overwhelming.  Thank you.

Second, with all the hoop de doo,

Hoop de doo, your holiness!

I forgot to name a winner for the Small Steps for Catholic Moms contest!  So . . . .

THE WINNER IS . . .

Guest!

Ha ha, no kidding, that’s what it says.  It’s okay, I have your email address, and I will contact you to get your mailing address.  It’s a great book, and I know you will enjoy it.  I even bought a bubble wrap mailer.

Third, I also forgot to name a winner for the last contest I held, where I was pre-giving-away a copy of my book.  So . . .

Emily, Monique, and Bridget, your ebooks are going out right away.  See? I said it would be November, and here it is October!  Early!  I win!

Fourth, I am going to do yet another contest for anyone who’s read my book, and I will totally not forget to give the prize this time, I swear. And the prize this time will bekind of awesome.  I’m being vague because I don’t have an image to share yet, but I think you’re going to love it.

Here’s how you enter:

1. Read my book. Come on, it’s $4.99, and it’s short.
2.  Leave an honest review on Amazon, and email a screenshot of your review to simchafisher [at] gmail [dot] com.  Please put “MY AMAZON REVIEW” in the subject line.
3.  That’s it.  You’re entered.   People who’ve already written reviews, are of course, welcome to enter.  And the prize this time will be kind of awesome.

 

Fifth, I am going to be chatting about my book on the Son Rise Morning Show at around 8:40 Eastern Time on Friday the 18th.  Hope you can catch it!

Oh, man, what a week.

Mother of Nine Accidentally Launches NFP Bestseller; Needle Buried on Irony Meter

MARLBOROUGH — Popular blogger Simcha Fisher’s first book, The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning, became a bestseller overnight after Fisher accidentally published the e-book a month early.

“I freaked out when I realized it was live, but I couldn’t figure out how to take it down. The next morning it was a number one bestseller on Kindle,” Fisher said.  “Apparently there was an option to set the release date, but I sort of glossed over that part, and now here we are.  Great news, obviously, and the whole family is very happy.  But we are scrambling with the logistics, because the timing was a little . . . unexpected.  Good thing we had already picked out a name.  For the book.”

Fisher added, “Yes, yes, book about NFP, accidental launch, irony, I get it.  I get it!”

Fisher planned to launch the e-book in November, to coincide with the audio version of her book produced by Audible.com. Fisher thought she was setting up her Kindle publishing account in advance, but instead published the book. Within 24 hours it was the top selling Catholic e-book, and the top selling Catholic book in all published categories on Amazon.

“I didn’t even have time to think about it,” Fisher said. “I still had to drive the kids to a birthday party and go grocery shopping.  It really hasn’t sunk in yet that I’m beating out the Pope.  And St. Augustine.  And the Bible.  Oh gosh, when does the dump close today?  I told you boys to sort that recycling!”

Fisher, a popular writer and speaker whose work appears in the National Catholic Register, Our Sunday Visitor, Catholic Digest, and other publications, offers her frank and funny take on Catholic sex, marriage, and family planning in The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning.

“If you’ve tried natural family planning and have discovered that your life is now awful – or if you feel judged or judgey, or if you trust NFP but your doctor doesn’t, or if just you’re trying to figure out how the heck to have a sex life that is holy but still human – you’ll find comfort, encouragement, honesty, wit, and, most importantly, practical advice in my book,” Fisher said.

The Sinners Guide to Natural Family Planning is already being hailed as a turning point in how Catholics can deal with this sometimes-difficult subject.  There are 26 reviews on Amazon, with an average rating of five stars.

“I’m pretty sure that one three-star rating is a joke,” Fisher said.  “My readers are real wise asses.  But seriously, if you think that taking bread out of the mouths of my children is a joking matter, by all means, continue.”

Simcha Fisher lives in Marlborough, NH, with her husband and nine children.  She is available for interviews and can be contacted at simchafisher@gmail.com.

Her book is available now on Amazon, Smashwords, and Nook. The Audible.com version will be available for pre-order very soon, and a print version is in the works.

Small Steps for Catholic Moms – blog tour and giveaway

Once upon a time, I could sit down and read for hours.  I had the time and the attention span.  I would tear through 400 pages by Doestoevsky in a matter of days, and I read things that I needed to hear.
Things have changed.  My reading now takes place in snippets, and often just before I fall asleep (which makes for some interesting dreams, if nothing else).
Small Steps for Catholic Moms is a book designed for people just like me.
We know we need a little boost, a little challenge and encouragement to make our days something better than a frantic game of catch-up.  So in this book, the year is laid out, one page per day, with something to think about, something to pray for, and something to do.
It’s by Danielle Bean and Elizabeth Foss — two moms who know a little bit about being busy, raising kids, and how easy it can be to feel like you’re drowning if you don’t have a little specific encouragement to turn things around.
Wednesday’s page made me laugh out loud.  The “think” one said:

So you’ve been hauled over the coals?  Don’t follow the advice of pride and lose your temper.  Think:  ‘How charitable they are toward me!  The things they’ve left unsaid!’

Ha.  I needed to hear that.   Here is the prayer that goes with it:

Sweet Jesus, I talk too much.  I sigh too often.  Please give me sufficient grace to keep my mouth closed in the face of trials.
and the call to action:
What is it that you are avoiding?  Do that thing today and suffer through it with a silent smile.
Okay, so I failed at that while I was halfway through typing out the sentence above.  But that’s kind of what this book is about:  small steps.  Not major renovations, not thorough overhauls.  Just little things that you really can do — easy enough to achieve, but important enough to make a difference, if you put the effort it.  So now I am trying again.  I can do this!
Now for the giveaway.  Just leave a comment on this blog, and in a few days I will randomly select someone to win a free copy of this neat little book.

Here is another taste of what you can find in this book.  This excerpt is from November, which has a theme of gratitude:

Think:
“Because I am so weak, you have pleased to grant my childish little desires, and now you will grant the rest—other desires far greater than the Universe.”
 – St. Thérèse of Lisieux
Pray:
You have given me so much, gracious God. I look over my catalog of blessings this month, and I am moved by your generosity. So often, my prayers are petitions that are tied to this world on earth. Please know that above all, I want most to be with you in heaven.
Act:
Take a moment today to thank someone who accepts you despite your weaknesses. These kinds of friends are gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Small Steps for Catholic Moms is going on a blog tour, so you can hear what other bloggers have gleaned from this helpful little book.   Here is the schedule of tour stops:
Don’t forget, leave a comment on this post, and you will be entered in a drawing to win a free copy of this book.  Good luck!

My Catholic Digest article on charitable giving . . .

is now online for your reading pleasure.  Also includes the names of some excellent charities, and some tips for how to plan for your own financial future.

The crickets’ million roundsong

Listen to crickets slowed way down.
Tell me this isn’t a song of praise.

Real BOMFOG

Last week, I did the last thing Pope Francis would want:  I yelled at people for not liking Pope Francis.  A few commenters pointed out that it doesn’t help anyone to cement the “us vs. them”  mentality, when we’re all supposed to be part of the same family.  “BOMFOG,” they used to call it — brotherhood of man under the fatherhood of God — I guess because Nelson Rockerfeller used to use the phrase constantly, maybe thoughtlessly, in his speeches.

Well, so, now Pope Francis is calling what’s called an “extraordinary synod” to discuss the subject of family.  And man, this is not going to be any thoughtless, jargoned hot air.  According to the Catholic Herald:

The extraordinary synod will see heads of Eastern churches, presidents of the bishops’ conferences, and heads of Curia offices gather at the Vatican from October 5 – 19 for a meeting entitled “Pastoral Challenges of the Family in Context of Evangelisation”.

A 1969 extraordinary session was dedicated to improving cooperation between the Holy See and national bishops’ conferences; and a 1985 extraordinary session, dedicated to the 20th anniversary of the end of the Second Vatican Council, recommended the compilation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which was published seven years later.

Pope Francis had told reporters accompanying him on his plane back from Rio de Janeiro in July that the next synod would explore a “somewhat deeper pastoral care of marriage,” including the question of the eligibility of divorced and remarried Catholics to receive Communion.

He added that at the time that Church law governing marriage annulments also “has to be reviewed, because ecclesiastical tribunals are not sufficient for this. It is complex, the problem of the pastoral care of marriage.” Such problems, he said, exemplified a general need for forgiveness in the Church today.

“The Church is a mother, and she must travel this path of mercy, and find a form of mercy for all,” the Pope added.

Go, Papa!  Bring this family of man together.

It’s gummint. Why can’t it be both?

I’m only about half sucker; so I knew it wasn’t really true that Obama contracted helicopters to hover over Mount Rushmore with a big curtain.

 

But I assumed it was true that the Amber Alert system was shut down.  Turns out Amber Alert, as a way of quickly notifying the public that a child has been abducted and is in immediate danger, is still functioning; it’s just the website that’s shut down because, if the website (not the program itself) is unmanned while the admins are furloughed, it’s vulnerable to hackers.  According to the Huffington Post:

Amber Alerts are issued jurisdictionally. It’s the duty of local police, press and city governments to get information on child abductions out to the public. Law enforcement agencies still have the ability to get the word out via tweets, news broadcasts, cell phone alerts and road signs.

Additionally, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is in charge of compiling the DOJ’s national Amber Alert information. Its website is still up and running, and there are no active Amber Alerts at this time.

Glad to hear that, in this specific instance, innocent people won’t be suffering just because we have a two party system consisting of, as Mark Shea says, the Stupid Evil Party and the Evil Stupid Party.

As far as the government shutdown goes, the truth is somewhere between “This is all just impartial and automatic business, and there’s no reason to take things personally” and “This is all designed specifically to persecute the innocent and the needy.” Knowing what we know about the Obama administration and about the current crop of republicans, I have no problem believing that much of the shut-down effects were purposely and callously designed to make the public suffer because it makes a good bargaining chip/talking point. At the same time, knowing what I know about the lumbering, nonsensical, illogical workings of government, I have no problem believing that much of it is just how things shook out once the process was set in motion.

I believe that some of it is random if unfortunate, and some is spiteful and targeted. It’s government. Why can’t it be both?

And, not that anyone asked, but I believe that Ted Cruz is less of a shining, courageous knight and more of a self-serving maroon without two brain cells to rub together.  Ugh.  One thing you can be sure of, both parties are making money hand over fist from this debacle.  Have politicians really gotten worse, or have I just finally stopped being fooled?

Again, why can’t it be both?

Fall harvest

apples, brussel sprouts, and three nuts

Let’s All Panic Over Franciscogenic Papal Change!!!!!!!

This morning, I read Dolan confirms error in Scalfari interview in the National Catholic Reporter.  It confirms that there was at least one factual error in Scalfari’s interview:  he suggests that Francis, upon hearing of his election, left the Sistine Chapel, panicked, wanted to decline, then got his head together, felt better, and went out to get dressed.  But

As veteran Italian Vatican writer Andrea Tornielli has pointed out, however, there is no room next to the balcony overlooking St. Peter’s Square, which is located in the middle of a long hallway, raising doubt about the literal accuracy of the quotation.

In any event, Dolan said, the sequence put on the pope’s lips by Scalfari is out of order.

Francis did not hesitate before accepting his election, Dolan said, although there was a moment later when he paused in prayer before stepping out onto the balcony for the “Habemus Papam” announcement.

Okay, not such a big deal, right?  We’re still weathering this huge FRANCIS CRISIS, which is going to spell DOOM AND DISASTER for everybody and everything, and the SEA LEVELS WILL RISE and there will be GIRL CARDINALS, and puppy dog cardinals, and Benedict’s name will be chiseled off all the walls, and the speaking of Latin will be punished with excommunication, and there will be dogs and cats living together, and so on.

Then there’s this:

Respected French Vatican writer Jean-Marie Guénois confirmed with Scalfari that he didn’t tape the interview, nor did he take notes, so the text was an after-the-fact reconstruction.

He didn’t tape the interview.  He didn’t take notes.

He didn’t tape the interview.  He didn’t take notes.  

He didn’t tape the interview.  He didn’t take notes.  

I’m just a teeny, two-bit, part-time writer on the very outer fringes of what could possibly be considered journalism, and even I know that this is outrageous.  Insanely irresponsible.  Something that should make people lose their jobs and all credibility forever.  Holy shit.  As my sister Devra Torres said, “So we’re commenting on a bad translation of a hazy memory in the mind of a presumably heavily biased source.”  One more thing?  Scalfari is 88 years old.  But I’m sure his memory is completely accurate.

So, I know this is a big deal.  But not for one second do I think that the Francis haters will so much as bat an eye.  We’ll get a shrug and a grimace, and they’ll continue with their self-congratulatory dirge celebrating mourning this tragic decline of the papacy.

Why?  Because Francis haters are like the prophets of climate change.  No matter what happens, it’s just more evidence for what they’ve been telling us all along.  Got a hurricane? Expect to see more and more of this kind of thing, because climate change!  One of the calmest hurricane seasons in the last 62 years?  Continue to panic!  Because climate change!  Polar ice caps melting?  You see, that’s climate change!  Polar ice caps growing and getting icier?  Have you not been listening???? This isclassic climate change.

When you’re completely wedded to the idea of anthropogenic climate change, bad news is bad news, and good news is bad news, too.

Same with the Francis haters.  Absolutely anything you say about the man — and about the demonstrable, incontrovertable good effects of his papacy — it’s all just more evidence of bad news.  They don’t like what he says, and then they hear that he didn’t actually say it, and the response is, “I’m tired of the excuses!”  Okay.  So you’re tired of the truth?   Yeah, I thought so.

Even things that have nothing to do with him are magically attributed to his malign influence.  And when we hear about — oh, people becoming interested in the Church again . . . people asking their Catholic friends questions, because they’ve heard there’s something interesting going on in Rome . . . people considering joining RCIA, or getting their marriages regularized, or going to confession in droves . . . well, there you have it.  Proof that Francisogenic Papal Change is ruining the Church.  Because they are not the right kind of people, you see.  Their hearts aren’t having the right kind of conversion.  Their experience of the love and mercy of Christ isn’t authentic enough.  How can you be so blind?  THIS IS A CRISIS, PEOPLE.

Because if it’s not a crisis, we might have to change how we look at the world.

Well, we shall see, won’t we.  If the climate really is changing, there’s not a hell of a lot we can do about it.  If Francis really is ushering in a new era, he is the Pope, and he calls the shots.  So we’ll see what’s changing, and why, and how it all shakes out.  I’m putting my faith in the Holy Spirit.  If you’ve been paying any attention at all, you’ll know that

The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.

The wind is blowing, and so far, it feels good.

7 Quick Takes, in which I have fun doing my penance

Okay, so I’m slow. I just got around to reading Francis’ interview with America magazine, and now I want to do a quick round-up of last week’s Catholic Women Rejoice conference in Vancouver, WA.

(photo credit Caitlin Elder)

–1–

It really was obnoxious, but I asked one of my dear, extremely busy hostesses to find me a priest who could hear my confession.  Because airplanes.

So she did, and he found the time, and we found a sacristan who could open the confessional for us, and it was a great confession.

I won’t tell you what I said in there, but the priest told me that we should try to figure out how to turn our sins into strengths.  So for my penance, I had to use my computer for good, instead of . . . other things.  I’m supposed to seek out five websites that would be useful or edifying for people.  So today’s post will count as one, since I didn’t exactly seek these out, but they certainly fill the bill otherwise.

–2–

Caitlin Elder writes Tales of the Elders.  Clever name, eh?  Caitlin is a lovely woman, very attentive and sincere — and, like 99% of the women I met at the conference, so funny.  Here we are at the dinner after the conference  – and you can see I’m a bit droopy with jet lag by this point; but Caitlin, who is pregnant, is peppy and alert.  Young parsons!  How do they do it?

(photo credit Caitlin Edler)

Do check out Caitlin’s blog for great summaries of the three talks at the conference, and stay for this sweet post about her pity party cure, her encouraging post about post-partum depression, and one extremely awesome photo of one freaked out baby on Santa’s lap.

–3–

I was thrilled to be placed at a table with Katrina Burbank, who sent me those beautiful hair jewels that my family likes so much.  Katrina is so sassy (I’m sorry, not my favorite word, but it just kinda fits) and funny and honest.  Here we are at the dinner:

Katrina is holding her ridiculously cute baby in a carrier because she knows that if she puts her down, I will kidnap her and bring her home in my purse.

(photo credit Katrina Burbank)

Burbank Homestead is her beautifully designed blog where she writes about “faith, family, crafting, and beer.”  Here is her write-up of the conference,  Katrina is so busy, and has done a masterful job of  turning her powerhouse energy and organizational skills into a resource for other busy folk who are looking for help getting it all together.  Her practical homesteading posts are especially helpful, without ever slipping into that “gaze-upon-my-wonderfulness-you-miserable-slob” attitude you often get from helpful blogs.

–4–

I had so much fun talking to the author of Moments in Mediocre Motherhood.  I don’t know if we’re really kindred spirits or if she just makes everybody feel that way, but what a fantastic woman.  I gave my speech about Mary, and described how Mary is the kind of mother who, when approached by a screaming, sticky, snotty toddler, will scoop up said toddler and cuddle her, rather than shrinking away.  So this woman, who was there with the prettiest baby girl in the world,  introduced herself by charging up to my table covered from head to toe in pretty baby girl poop and demanding a hug.

(photo credit Moments in Mediocre Motherhood)

That hug, she did not receive.  Look, I’m not Mary!  Anyway, I laughed my head off, and continued laughing as we exchanged notes (after she found a change of clothes) about how to deal with unexpected pregnancies, working from home with kiddos in the house, and dealing with fertilinazis.   She also very generously changed her schedule the next day so that she could accompany me to the airport after Mass, which gave me some extra time to play with her cutie wootie:

who was perhaps not quite as enthusiastic about our relationship as I was

(photo credit Moments in Mediocre Motherhood)

What impressed me the most was her obvious, overflowing joy and love for her family.  Check out her blog for more of this infectious joy despite — or because of — her crazy life.

–5–

Another instant friend was Kate, who braved the day with not one but two of her four kids. Kate is the co-founder of Real Catholic Love and Sex:  More than Just Missionary, which recently got a great review from Dr. Gregory Popcak. The blog is written by Kate and a married man named James, and is one of the more honest and thorough blogs about Catholic sex and marriage that I’ve seen. Here I am with Kate (and yes, we did do other things at this conference besides drink wine — but I will admit, I really enjoyed that part).

(photo credit Kate)

Not the highest quality photo, but it really captured the evening, during which I laughed so hard my throat hurt for days — and yes, I cried a little bit, too.  Kate also rearranged her schedule to come to an earlier Mass so she could drive me to the airport.  I only wish we didn’t live on opposite sides of the country.

–6–

I accidentally left my conference gift bag behind in Portland, but dear Lisa Ferry is mailing it to me.  I had heard so much about one of the goodies inside, the exquisite handmade soap made by Anna Cools of Roots Soap Company.

I dunno –  how good could it be, with only an average of five stars from 733 reviewers?  I only got a few minutes to speak with Anna, but she gave me a wonderful selection of her soaps for my girls.  Watching the mail!  Thanks again, Anna.

–7–

Oh, I met so many other wonderful women at this conference, too many for my poor brain to remember at the end of the week  – including, of course, the dynamic Julie Ondernko, founder of Catholic Finish Strong, who gave us a smorgasbord of saints to get to know

(photo credit Caitlin Elder)

and the amazing Sr. Miriam James Heidland

(photo credit Caitlin Elder)

who reduced a roomful of 300 women to tears in the best possible way.

I also met the fabulous Louise Mohr, whom I could have spotted half a mile away by her lipstick.  I hear from her sister that she has a fashion blog, and I WANT TO SEE IT.  Where, Louise?

And so many, many other wonderful women who braved the rain and their busy schedules to come together for a beautiful day filled with grace.  If you were there and would like to share your blog or website, please email me (simchafisher@gmail.com) or put it in the comments, and I will add it to the post.  And please, beautiful Sia Nickelsen, who showed me her excellent little women’s magazine, I meant it when I said send me a reminder!  I need reminders!

Again, Sterling Jaquith and Lisa Ferry, you did a completely amazing job putting this day together and making me feel at home.  The Catholic Women Rejoice conference will be back next year!  I really suggest putting it on your calendars now.

Don’t forget to check in with our host, Jen Fulwiler at Conversion Diary, and wish her a happy 10th anniversary!