Category: Uncategorized

A boy is a boy is a boy. . .

. . . and always has been.

Almost a thousand of the perfectly preserved documents, scratched on the bark of birch trees, have been recovered from the deep layers of Novgorod’s anaerobic clay soil over the past century… The birch-bark documents date from the 11th to 15th centuries and include tax returns, school exercises, wills, IOUs, marriage proposals, prayers, spells and curses … The most charming, however, are a series of 13th century drawings by a boy named Onfim, who was about 7 years old when he drew them around 1220 AD.  Onfim was supposed to be learning to write, but his daydreams got the better of him and his spelling exercises are mixed with doodles. In this example, Onfim has diligently copied out the first eleven letters of the alphabet in the corner of the page, but got bored and drew a picture of himself as a warrior, sword in one hand and impaling an enemy with a spear in the other – he even labelled the figure on the horse as ‘Onfim’.

PIC Onfim the warrior

In another example, he drew a picture of himself as a wild beast (which he identified by writing “I am a wild beast” over it).

Onfim the Wild Beast would have gotten along just fine with my son Elijah — who, when he was two years old, came down the stairs in the morning growling to himself, “Here – come – wi-ld – Ji-jah . . . ” Here is something Elijah (now 9) recently doodled, apparently while taking a break from making a Christmas wish list:

New technology, same old boys.

Barbie alternatives!

We are doing some Christmas shopping today, and I just discovered that Melissa and Doug make what look like very nice dolls for girls.  We’ve always had good luck with Melissa and Doug products.  They are sturdy and pleasant.  (Not a paid endorsement or anything. We just like Melissa and Doug.)

These dolls are 14″, so a few inches taller than Barbie – but Barbie clothes wouldn’t fit anyway, because the M&D dolls aren’t rail thin with giraffe legs. Don’t get me wrong. With seven daughters and steadily declining standards, we have collected approximately 3,487 Barbies, including mermaid Barbie, fairy Barbie, chef Barbie, vet Barbie, surfer Barbie, miscellaneous fashion Barbie, and of course several incarnations of that perennial favorite, Soulless Streetwalker Barbie.

So, no judging.  I would just rather see my kids playing with this:

 

Lindsay Bride Doll 

instead of this:

Barbie 2013 Collector Doll

Melissa and Doug have several 14″ dolls besides the bride:  ballerinas, princesses, etc.

Are you buying dolls this year?  Come across anything nice?

Don’t forget, if you shop Amazon, please consider going through my links above. There is also a blue Amazon ad on the right sidebar, and if you can’t see that, I’ve added a page called “Shop Amazon Here!” at the top of the blog.  Thanks so much!

At the Register: I’m Making a List

I’m a giver of gifts today.

Ten Great Alphabet Books

I love, love, love alphabet books.  There is something so satisfying about getting everything all squared away by page 26.  Here are ten of my favorites:

 

 –1–

Superhero ABC by Bob McLeod

So great.  Each letter has its own superhero — no one you’ll recognize from Marvel or DC, but heroes like Captain Cloud, who calmly catches crooks, or Laughing Lass, who laughs loudly at lawbreakers (she’s a little looney).  Funny and clever, and occasionally a little crude, but not sleazy!

–2–

A Is for Angry:  An Animal and Adjective Alphabet by Sandra Boynton

Sandra Boynton is the best.   It all looks like frivolous cartoon stuff, but Boynton has real talent for comedic timing — something that is lacking in so many kids’ books (authors think that kids just want the story to be silly or comforting or simple, and don’t bother to craft or shape the story).

 –3–

I Spy:  An Alphabet in Art by the enchantingly named Lucy Micklethwait

Such a great idea!  You have to hunt for the word that starts with each letter — which makes kids slow down and look carefully at great art.  A painless way to introduce some art appreciation to the young parsons.

 

–4–

Animalia by Graeme Base

I haven’t actually seen this one for a while, but I remember the kids all loving it.  Lots of weird little details and solemnly intense images that most kids find fascinating.

 

–5–

Black and White Rabbit’s ABC by Alan Baker

Cute, cute, cute, without being cutesy.  The rabbit kid wants to paint a picture for his mother, and he ends up with something nice — but not before ink is spilled, glue gets out of control, etc.

 

 –6–

Anno’s Alphabet:  An Adventure in Imagination by Mitsumasa Anno

Mildly trippy! Optical illusions, head-scratchers, and just some weirdness.  I especially liked trying to identify all the obscure alphabetized items hidden in the borders (and there is a key at the end).

 

–7–

Z is for Moose by Kelly Bingham, illustrated by Paul O. Zelinsky

What happens when a capable, businesslike zebra is trying to organize a nice orderly alphabet book, only to be stymied by a rather emotional moose who doesn’t know his place.

 

–8–

Of course Doctor Seuss’ ABC 

Never gets old. This one has particular sentimental value for me because, on the first night my husband and I got together, I got drunk as a skunk and attempted to recite the entire book (under the impression that this made me charming and irresistible).  I got bogged down on Many Mumbling Mice, and I forget what happened after that. I think we got married.

 

–9–

Little Dinosaur ABC Dover coloring book

Nothing really special about this one, really just a reminder that these little Dover books (they are about 4×6 inches) are invariably nice, and make good stocking stuffers.  I also really like the Dover stained glass coloring books, make of translucent paper.  If you color them with crayon or especially with marker, you can put them in the window for a lovely effect.  Some of these are the 4×6 size, and some are full book sized.

 

–10–

A You’re Adorable illustrated by sweet Martha Alexander

An illustrated version of the popular 1940′s song:  “A, you’re adorable; B, you’re so beautiful; C, you’re a cutie full of charms . . . ”  So cute and nice, full of happy children playing with babies and puppies and the like.  A nice present for a baby’s first Christmas.  We have the sturdy board book, which has endured much fond chewing.

***

What’s your favorite alphabet book?  And why are there no good Catholic ones?  I see a few for sale, but the illustrations look a little feeb.  Seems like it would be a natural, though — Athanasius to Zachariah.  Right?  Don’t steal this idea, I’m totally doing it.

Jennifer Fulwiler interviews me from aboard her TARDIS

No paradoxes were created in the making of this interview, in which Jen Fulwiler of Conversion Diary speaks from the perspective of her past self.  She introduces the interview this way:

Seven years ago, I found myself in a place of great upheaval. I was in the middle of a profound religious conversion and found myself in a no-man’s land, adrift from my old belief system, yet not fully integrated into my new one.

Now this is the part that makes me blush:

Around that time that I came across a small blog by this woman named Simcha. She was a brilliant, hilarious writer on par with the famous names of the secular world…yet she was religious, describing herself as a Hebrew Catholic since she comes from a family of Jewish coverts to Catholicism. Reading her blog never failed to brighten my day (usually by making me laugh until I gasped for air), and her writing transformed my view of everything from motherhood to what it means to have faith.

About once a week I would think, “This woman’s blog needs to be much, much bigger!” and “When is she going to write a book?!” Seven years later, I got my wish.

Tons of frank, funny (and really difficult!) questions from the point of view of someone who can’t imagine why you would go to all the trouble of charting and abstaining, especially when you might end up having — ugh — babies anyway.  Check it out, if only to read the phrase “boinking machine” on a Catholic blog.

At the Register: Evil Isn’t Private (And Neither Is Good)

Like it or not, we are all part of that family — as we see in the story of a drug addict who infected dozens of patients in the hospital where he worked, and the young judge who thought hard about his sentence.

 

Emergency baptisms: who, why, and how

Here’s a dreadful little story:  Russian couple faces jail time after taking their injured baby to be baptized instead of treated.

A couple in St. Petersburg, Russia is facing charges for failure to assist a person in danger after taking their injured baby to church, instead of the hospital.

The two-month-old baby had sustained a head injury in a minor car accident, Russian news outlet RIA Novosti reported, despite the fact that he was in a car seat. He died by the time he was in the priest’s hands.

The parents took him for an emergency baptism because “otherwise he would be denied the Kingdom of Heaven,” the parents told authorities, according to Fontanka.ru.

Please note that this is an extremely short story with almost no facts in it.  Did the parents realize, or could they be expected to realize, how badly injured the baby was?  How much time did they lose by stopping at the church?  Would it have made any difference if they had gone straight to the hospital?

Whatever the answer to these questions, it’s a good opportunity to review few facts about infant and emergency baptism:

Almost anyone can perform a baptism.  It is preferable to have a priest or deacon perform a baptism in a church, but if there is an emergency, anyone with the right intention — that is, anyone who wishes to do what the Church does when she baptizes — may perform a baptism.  This means that if your baby is in the ER, you can do a baptism in the hospital sink, or with a bottle of Aquafina.  It also means that a pagan nurse who doesn’t know anything about baptism, but is willing to respect the beliefs of the parents, can licitly baptize a baby.

This is how you do it:  Pour plain water over the person’s forehead while saying the words, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”

We don’t actually know what happens to babies who die unbaptized. Baptism is necessary for salvation.   Yet the catechism says:

1261 As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,”64 allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.

The Church fully expects us to care for the immediate physical needs of people around us.  Again, we don’t know the details of the story above, but in general, life-saving medical procedures should not be postponed!

One final note:  emergency baptisms are for when someone is in danger of death. “I don’t think my daughter-in-law will ever get around to scheduling a baptism” or “My neighbors are wiccans and someone needs to care for their poor baby’s soul” do not constitute emergencies, and sneaky baptisms performed on children on the sly are not licit.

Excellent article on women priests

PIC Mary Queen of Heaven and Earth “Help, help, I’m being oppressed just because I’m a woman!”

Women Priests — No Chance by the redoubtable Joanna Bogle.  This came out in 1997, after John Paul II reaffirmed the Church’s teaching that it ain’t gonna (can’t) happen, ever. Despite the abrupt title, this article goes beyond pointing to the long, unbroken tradition of the male priesthood, and draws out (or at least introduces us to) some of the reasons why Christ wanted men to do this particular work on earth.

Just a solid, accessible read, something to keep on hand if someone asks you why!  As my four-year-old did the other day, when we had this conversation:

Irene: Why can’t the Church make women priests?
Me (before coffee): Because men are women are different.
Irene: HOW?
Me: Ohhh, lots of ways.
Irene: Oh, like boys take really short showers!
Me: Yes, like that.

 

Quick, before it’s Advent!

Enjoy listening to one of the most sublime musical accomplishments of the 21st century, which may or may not mesh well with your non-mocking, cynicism-shedding, satire-eschewing Adventy self:

Ahhhhhh.  Okay, now be good.

I KNEW I should have gone with The Sinner’s Guide to Amish Vampires in Space.

I was having lots of fun scrolling through this list of Worst Christian Book Covers of 2013.  A couple of favorites:

and this:

and of course this, which should win all the prizes ever, for everything, but most of all for the most courageous use of “spray paint” tool in a professional setting:

 

“Most intelligently designed” indeed.

But then I got to #7 on the list of Worst Christian Book Covers of 2013, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but A COVER THAT LOOKS VERY, VERY FAMILIAR:

A sign your priest may be WAY too involved in your sex life.
#ConfessionalFetish(Submitted by Kimberly Roth)HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!  Oh man.  I’m on a list, I’m on a list!  Thanks, Kimberly Roth, whoever you are.  I submit, for your discering eyes, the mockup for my next book, coming out  some time in 2015: