What’s for supper? Vol. 451: Lasagna in the highest

Happy Friday! We are just over a week away from the shortest day of the year, and then we start getting more light. Hooray! 

I hope your Advent is going well, for those of you who observe it. I’m having a freakishly efficient month. Finished Christmas shopping a few days ago, doing tons of cleaning and decluttering, and I’m currently not behind on any paid work. We’ve been managing to light the Advent candles and do the Jesse tree ornaments and readings about half the time, which is not a bad record for this vicinity.

We’ve even mostly been adhering to our screen-free Advent evenings. In the past, we’ve done 7-9:00 Monday through Friday, but this year we’re doing 7:00 onward Monday through Thursday, and then shooting for a movie (rather than endlessly rewatching the same TV shows) on Fridays. The kids have been reading, drawing, and playing games, but mostly hanging around yacking. I have been falling asleep on the couch. Oh, such naps I’ve been having. Yesterday evening’s nap was a real drooler!

SATURDAY
Leftovers and popcorn chicken

We ended up making tons of extra trips along with shopping because we had to pick up this and that, and also we got our asses to confession, which is #1 on my must-do Advent list. The confession line was possibly the least efficient thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and I discovered that I’ve completed the transformation into the cheerful, bossy middle-aged lady who tells everyone where to sit. There is NO REASON for the confession line to be so confusing. All there needs to be is a sign on the wall telling people where to line up! Or one of those paper number machines like they have at delis! Or a fluorescent pink conical hat that says “LAST PERSON IN LINE” and it gets passed from person to person as they trickle in! But we can’t have this. We have to have a confused blob, and everyone has to be anxious and upset about it. So I became That Lady. Anyway, we went to confession, and then resumed shopping. 

The shopping turn kid chose popcorn chicken, which I agreed to because I forgot the oven was still broken. I also picked a variety where the chicken was uncooked. So I ended up doing it in five ten-minute batches in the little air fryer, and it was delicious, but does not figure into the “very efficient December” thing I referenced above. 

I also made a batch of dough to make cookies on Sunday.

Jump to Recipe

That was efficient!  Also, we stopped at a thrift store and I happened to find a cake pan that was exactly the shape I was looking for! Efficient and lucky! 

SUNDAY
Grilled ham and cheese, fake doritos, pickles

After Mass, Corrie and I went to Lena’s apartment, and Corrie and Lena worked on a birthday present for Benny, and I borrowed Lena’s oven to make cookies and cake. I brought everything I could think of that I might need, including cake mix, eggs, and oil,  parchment paper, toothpicks for detail, all kinds of decorating supplies, and a big pan. But I forgot the cookie dough. So I had to start over, and ended up having a very pleasant afternoon listening to my oldest and youngest daughters working happily together while I baked. 

It was Benny’s birthday we were preparing for, and she asked for a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, and she asked to be surprised with the theme. I settled on Merlin, the BBC show they watched recently. This show is pretty, pretty terrible unless you watch it through the eyes of a young teenage girl!

My original plan was to make cookies of Merlin, Arthur, Guinevere, Excalibur, Gaius, Uther, and the Dragon, and possibly John Hurt, but that was too ambitious, and I kept wrecking the Gaius cookie in various ways. So I settled for Merlin, Arthur, Guinevere, and the dragon. When I got home, I made two more attempts to make a Gaius cookie. First I tried the air fryer, and probably you can make this work, but I could not. Then I tried just broiling it in the oven, and you’ll never guess what happened. 

So, Damien suggested I make it Gaius who has been burnt up by the dragon (not a thing that actually happens in the show, but it’s funny). The main thing about Gaius is this goofy face he makes with one eyebrow raised, so here’s his cookie:

Anyway, I spent such a long time decorating those cookies, and every last one of them turned out weeeird! (Another thing I forgot was black icing, so that was a challenge.) And I still hadn’t figured out what the cake itself would be.

But wait, I had bought that thrift store cake pan, which was a castle shape. So I opened the box feeling lucky and efficient . . .  and it turned out to be a large number of plastic towers and turrets and plastic doors and windows. No pan at all. I guess you are supposed to smear frosting on the plastic, bleh. 

(This is an eBay listing. I think I spent $4 on it.)

I have this dumb thing where I really want everything on a cake to be edible, even if no one in their right mind would actually eat it. But time was passing by, so I let yet another pointless personal standard slip through my hands, and I made a cake that was part plastic. I scored the frosting to make it vaguely brick-like and then sprayed it with edible silver spray, and sprinkled some rock candy around, for purposes of . . .I don’t know, magic?

 Kind of makes you wonder why everyone thought Camelot was so great, but those were different times, I guess.  

While Corrie and I were at Lena’s house, Damien was at home doing all the prep for his amazing incredible lasagna. Then we got home and I quickly made some grilled sandwiches.

And then I do believe I feel asleep on the couch. 

MONDAY
Birthday lasagna, birthday cake

On Monday, first we went to Mass for the feast day, and then the part for the oven came, and Damien installed it right away so he could bake the lasagna. And then, literally right immediately then, the dryer broke. Poor Damien has gotten really good at fixing all kinds of appliances, so off he went with the autopsy, while I finished this ridiculous cake, and then I decorated the front door. 

I cut a bunch of greenery from the yard and attached it and some fake berries to a broken Swiffer with zip ties, and then zip tied that to the trellis. 

Not the most lush or symmetrical garland imaginable, but it was COLD out there, with wet snow falling faster and faster, and I did not want to go out again!

Then I strung lights back and forth and back and forth inside the trellis, and hung a wreath on the door. By the time the kids got home, it was dark enough for the lights to show up, and they were properly impressed. 

And nobody noticed that I got the plug ends backwards like I do 100% of the time, and I had to run an extension cord over the step.

The lasagna was superb, as it always is. He actually made two. Here is the larger one, right before we devoured it:

I am deeply suspicious of lasagna that stays together in a neat stack when you cut it. 

Oh man, it was so good. Oh I ate so much. 

Then we had presents and cake. Sweet Benny was absolutely delighted by this bizarre cake, which I ended up holding together with skewers. 

Benny is also a big fan of The Office, so I made an “IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY” banner, and then someone smudged the letters. The original plan was to have the dragon breathing fire onto Gaius, but I ran out of time and, frankly, enthusiasm. So here was the finished (?) Merlin cake: 

But like I said, she loved it. Her favorite was the Guenevere cookie, which I have to admit was pretty, even if it doesn’t look much like the actress.

She also loved all her presents. The one from Corrie was a Barbie doll that she transformed into a FMA Edward Elric doll.

Corrie did the hair and some of the clothes, and Lucy made the coat, and Lena did the face. 

Lucy knitted a Merlin doll for Benny, which she was, if possible, even more delighted with

and it was a pretty good doll! My kids are so talented.

She got a number of other thoughtful presents and she had a wonderful day, and everyone was happy for her. She’ll be having a party with her friends at some later date! 

TUESDAY
Chicken and chickpeas, onion salad, yogurt sauce, fresh pita

Tuesday I pushed really hard to clean, declutter, and rearrange the living room, to get ready for the Christmas tree. Most years we end up dragging a wet tree into a chaotic house and then scrambling to make room for it, but NOT THIS YEAR. 

Tree-ready. 

I made a stab at getting the rest of the Christmas decorations out of the attic, but it turns out I consolidated them all into a giant tub last year, for the sake of efficiency, and then shoved them through the second-floor attic access door — and then, while rearranging Corrie’s room, moved a heavy old bunk bed in front of the door, and then a certain adult child stacked that up with tubs and tubs of things that don’t fit at THEIR apartment. This Christmas tub is too big to fit down the other access door, which is one of those drop-down ceiling ladders. So I don’t know, maybe Christmas is cancelled. At least I vacuumed. 

Oh anyway, we had chicken and chickpeas for supper. We haven’t had this dish for a while, and it’s yummo. Here’s the recipe

Jump to Recipe

I got a big tub of Greek yogurt and used half to marinate the chicken, and made the other half into dipping sauce with fresh garlic, lemon juice, olive oil, and a little salt. Then I made a nice bowl of red onion salad with lemon juice, salt and pepper, and cilantro. Maybe a little olive oil, I forget. 

and then I made a batch of dough for pita. I have tried so many recipes, but have returned to this one from The Kitchn, which makes soft, tender breads you can make all at once in the oven. You can also make the dough, let it rise, punch it down, and then pause it in the fridge until you’re ready to finish it, which works out perfectly with my afternoon schedule. 

So when the chicken and chickpeas were almost done cooking, I got the dough out of the fridge, rolled it out, turned up the oven a bit, and baked eight pieces. They turned out lovely. 

When you bake them in the oven, you get a softer, puffier pita, and you don’t get those characteristic flattened bubbles like if you’re frying them on the stovetop, but I honestly prefer it this way, especially for the purposes of this meal. 

I skipped the onion that’s supposed to go along with the chicken and chickpeas, and didn’t really miss it. 

I was so so hungry and it was a very tasty meal. 

If you are a chicken skin appreciator, you will want to try this marinade. Look at how crackly and savory the skin turns out. 

The meat underneath stays nice and moist. I don’t think I’ve ever had this meal turn out bad. 

WEDNESDAY
Second lasagna, garlic bread

Wednesday we were supposed to get the tree, but it was SO bitterly cold and windy, nobody wanted to go outside more than necessary. So I heated up the second lasagna Damien made, and made a bunch of garlic bread, and everybody was happy. 

THURSDAY
Meatball subs, vegetable platter

On Thursday Damien fixed the dryer! He’d been working on it every day, but he does also have a full-time job. Such a hard worker.

In the morning, I made a big vegetable platter and some meatballs, then moved the meatballs to the slow cooker and spent most of the rest of the day in the car, because people needed to be here and there and here and there. It happened that Clara also needed a ride, and she repaid the favor with a big sack of  fresh baguettes from the bakery where she works! So I had been planning meatball subs on boring old Aldi rolls, but we got an upgrade. 

The meatballs were nothing to write home about, but the fresh bread more than made up for it. 

On Thursday Benny and I did venture out over the ice in the dark and got a tree from the Lions or Rotary or whatever, and it is now lying in state in the living room. We still haven’t figured out how to get the rest of Christmas out of the attic, so it’s not in a tree stand yet. We’ve got time! Surely! Due to my prior efficiency!

FRIDAY
Tuna boats, fries

I discovered halfway through the week that I had never figured out what to make for supper on Friday, so we are having tuna boats and fries. I actually love tuna sandwiches, so no complaints from me. No complaints from me about anything right now, actually. What do you know about that? 

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No-fail no-chill sugar cookies

Basic "blank canvas"sugar cookies that hold their shape for cutting and decorating. No refrigeration necessary. They don't puff up when you bake them, and they stay soft under the icing. You can ice them with a very basic icing of confectioner's sugar and milk. Let decorated cookies dry for several hours, and they will be firm enough to stack.

Servings 24 large cookies

Ingredients

  • 1 cup butter
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • 1-2 tsp vanilla and/or almond extract. (You could also make these into lemon cookies)
  • 1 egg
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 3 cups flour

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350.

  2. Cream together butter and sugar in mixer until smooth.

  3. Add egg and extracts.

  4. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, salt, and baking powder.

  5. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the butter and sugar and mix until smooth.

  6. Roll the dough out on a floured surface to about 1/4 inch. Cut cookies.

  7. Bake on ungreased baking sheets for 6-8 minutes. Don't let them brown. They may look slightly underbaked, but they firm up after you take them out of the oven, so let them sit in the pan for a bit before transferring to a cooling rack.

  8. Let them cool completely before decorating!

 

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Cumin chicken thighs with chickpeas in yogurt sauce

A one-pan dish, but you won't want to skip the sides. Make with red onions and cilantro in lemon juice, pita bread and yogurt sauce, and pomegranates, grapes, or maybe fried eggplant. 

Ingredients

  • 18 chicken thighs
  • 32 oz full fat yogurt, preferably Greek
  • 4 Tbsp lemon juice
  • 3 Tbsp cumin, divided
  • 4-6 cans chickpeas
  • olive oil
  • salt and pepper
  • 2 red onions, sliced thinly

For garnishes:

  • 2 red onions sliced thinly
  • lemon juice
  • salt and pepper
  • a bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
  • 32 oz Greek yogurt for dipping sauce
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced or crushed

Instructions

  1. Make the marinade early in the day or the night before. Mix full fat Greek yogurt and with lemon juice, four tablespoons of water, and two tablespoons of cumin, and mix this marinade up with chicken parts, thighs or wings. Marinate several hours. 

    About an hour before dinner, preheat the oven to 425.

    Drain and rinse four or five 15-oz cans of chickpeas and mix them up with a few glugs of olive oil, the remaining tablespoon of cumin, salt and pepper, and two large red onions sliced thin.

    Spread the seasoned chickpeas in a single layer on two large sheet pans, then make room among the chickpeas for the marinated chicken (shake or scrape the extra marinade off the chicken if it’s too gloppy). Then it goes in the oven for almost an hour. That’s it for the main part.

    The chickpeas and the onions may start to blacken a bit, and this is a-ok. You want the chickpeas to be crunchy, and the skin of the chicken to be a deep golden brown, and crisp. The top pan was done first, and then I moved the other one up to finish browning as we started to eat. Sometimes when I make this, I put the chickpeas back in the oven after we start eating, so some of them get crunchy and nutty all the way through.

Garnishes:

  1. While the chicken is cooking, you prepare your three garnishes:

     -Chop up some cilantro for sprinkling if people like.

     -Slice another two red onions nice and thin, and mix them in a dish with a few glugs of lemon juice and salt and pepper and more cilantro. 

     -Then take the rest of the tub of Greek yogurt and mix it up in another bowl with lemon juice, a generous amount of minced garlic, salt, and pepper. 

What Christmas isn’t

There are ten million essays out there helping us understand what Christmas is (and I’ve written about three million of them myself). And it’s no wonder: The event of Christmas is something so huge and so profound, not even the most open mind can fully comprehend it. There’s always something more to say.  

Nevertheless, this year I’d like to go in a different direction and talk, instead, about what Christmas isn’t.  

It’s not a stick to beat pagans and atheists over the head with. Here in the states, we love to grumble about the “war on Christmas.”  

Occasionally this means some local ordinance bans setting up a nativity scene on the town commons; but more often it means you go out to buy some batteries and ornament hooks, and the cashier said “Happy holidays” when they gave you your receipt, so you thundered back, “Merry CHRISTMAS” using your special scary St. Boniface voice. 

Don’t do that. You’ll wake up baby Jesus, and he just barely went down for his nap. If Christmas is as great as we say it is, then surely it gives us the room to be decent to each other in its name.  

It isn’t the time to be on your high horse in general. … Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly.

Avoiding materialism at Christmas (sort of)

How do we keep our celebration of Christmas from getting too materialistic?

I have bad news: If it is this point in the year and you are just now worrying about it, it’s probably too late. The way we celebrate Christmas tends to reflect the way we live in general. 

If you and your family are constantly thinking about shopping and upgrading and keeping up with TikTok influencers, then Christmas will be the same, just with more jingle bells. If you and your family rarely think of people in need, and then you suddenly decide halfway through December to throw some money at a toy drive or a food pantry, then it will feel artificial and performative because it is. If Mass and other religious practices are something you grudgingly fit into your ordinary life if you have time and are in the mood, then that is how the Nativity of the Lord will be.

We are more consistent than we realize. Your Christmas will look the way you have decided to live. So, if you are materialistic all year long, then yes, your Christmas will almost certainly be materialistic. Sorry!

But I did say “almost certainly.” The reason is this: I know very few self-identifying Catholics who really celebrate Christmas in the hyper-materialistic way I described above. I read about such things online—kids flipping out because their new Audi isn’t the color they wanted or wives refusing to come out of their rooms because last year’s diamond was bigger—but in real life, all the people I know who are worried about materialism swallowing up Christmas really just mean: “Presents are a big part of Christmas at our house, and that makes me feel weird.” 

Don’t feel weird. It’s O.K. Presents are nice, and they are a normal and morally neutral way to express love to each other (and sometimes, a way to keep the peace in the family, and that’s not necessarily wrong either). Just because money has changed hands and wrapping paper is involved, that doesn’t mean you have violated the spirit of the Incarnation.

What I used to tell my kids, back when they listened to me, was that Christmas is baby Jesus’ birthday, and the only present he wants from us is for us to be good to one another. But there is no reason that being good to one another cannot take the form, in part, of buying or making presents. That is part of incarnational living: Expressing love through physical means. Buying or making a thoughtful, meaningful gift that you can reasonably expect to bring happiness to someone else is a far holier thing than dourly insisting that our Lord and savior is sick and tired of all this merriness.

We do need to remember the poor (on Christmas, and every day), and we do need to worship the Lord (on Christmas and every day), and we do need to be good to each other in intangible ways (on Christmas, and every day). It is also perfectly fine to mark the season by having fancy cookies and buying electronics for one another. It is a big holiday. There is room for a lot of different ways to celebrate.

There is more good news … Read the rest of my latest for America Magazine. 

What’s for supper? Vol. 450: Two pies for every girl

Happy Friday! Brr, it’s cold. Boo, I’m fat. I finally dragged myself up on the scale because I figured I was thinking about it constantly anyway, and I might as well know what I’m thinking about, and it was . . . not great. It was three pounds less than the number I was very afraid of, so I’ve got that going for me. I gained most of it after I broke my toe, which is a ridiculous reason to gain weight, but there you go. 

This is the part where I’m supposed to announce that I’m launching a new plan to get back in the saddle and really do the work because I’m worthy of the effort, but in all honesty, who knows. It’s cold. It’s dark. I bought some bigger pants that fit better, and I drank some water today. Who knows. 

Anyway, totally unrelatedly, I need to tell you about my  adventures in the pie trade.

Right before Thanksgiving, I advertised on Facebook marketplace and some local groups, and got orders for eleven pies. I ended up making apple, mini apple, pumpkin, mini pumpkin, coconut custard, blueberry, and chicken pot pies. Then also, right before that, I made a cranberry curd tart and five mini apple pies for the school get-together. 

And then I tied my apron on one last time and made seven pies for our family: Two apple, two pumpkin, one pecan, one coconut custard, and one cranberry curd tart with walnut crust.

I’ve never seen so many pies, much less baked so many! It was just wall-to-wall pies all week long, and they were all — well, the ones I sold, anyway — as fancy as I could make them. I made a quick video to show how to make roses, which is actually really easy. For the record (for myself next year, really), here is the pecan pie recipe I used; here is the cranberry curd tart recipe; and here is the coconut custard pie recipe. I won’t include the walnut crust recipe because it turned out weird. 

I did make a profit (I think. I didn’t look too hard, but I do have a wad of cash now), and Damien suggested I use it to buy a freezer to make my life easier next time I do this. (I was shuffling things in and out of the fridge and stashing stuff in coolers, and it was not pretty.) So now I’m skulking around the used freezer market, looking for something dented and energy inefficient, so it won’t break in 18 months. 

And I’m trying to work myself up to mentioning pies on Facebook again, to see if anyone wants a Christmas pie. Or maybe a cheesecake! I do make good cheesecake. I struggle with decorating it in a way that looks professional, but I saw a thing where someone dropped colored batter onto the unbaked top and then used a toothpick to drag it into a design, and then baked the design right into the top. I could do that!

We did some fairly successful dragged-design cookies for the bake sale. Well, we were starting to get the hang of it, anyway. 

(Note Benny’s “mistletoe and kiss” design.) 

Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, we also made a million cookies for the tree lighting bake sale (a fundraiser for a trip Benny’s going on). I made a triple recipe of my reliable no-chill sugar cookie dough.

Jump to Recipe

I cut out large cookies, cut windows into them, and filled them with crushed Jolly Ranchers, which made pretty little stained glass-effect when baked.

When they were cool, I iced them.

I have a pretty bad tremor, so icing design is not really my forte, but they mostly turned out nice. With a few vaguely obscene exceptions. Anyway, we ended up with 55 cookies and they all sold, so that was a relief. 

One other thing that turned out nicely: I used the Sally’s Baking Addiction recipe for sugared cranberries, and oh, they turned out pretty, sparkly and frosty. Here they are drying, next to some freshly-filled chicken pies.

I put some on the cranberry tarts and a few to dress up the pumpkin pies. I also tried sugaring some mint leaves, and that turned out less pretty. A flatter leaf, like basil or even bay leaves, would have been better, because I could have let it dry flat. 

We had a really nice Thanksgiving! Most of the kids were able to come, and there was just so much laughing and goofing around, it was a delight. We had a pretty straightforward menu: Turkey, stuffing, and gravy that Damien made, and mulled cider, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, roast brussels sprouts and butternut squash with bacon (I drizzled them with honey and pomegranate molasses, ooh!), dinner rolls, and cranberry orange muffins that I forgot to add sugar to, and everyone said they actually liked it that way.

I had made everyone pick out a poem to read out loud after dinner, and then of course we had pie, and ice cream and whipped cream. Everything was yum dot com, and I love my family dot org (because we are a non-profit).

SATURDAY
Aldi pizza

By the time Saturday came around, people were pretty burnt out on Thanksgiving food, so we had Aldi pizza. It was just a regular day of shopping and chores, as far as I can recall. The recent past is a real mystery to me these days. I was, however, thinking of the time that I made an elaborate blown egg Christmas ornament for my high school boyfriend’s parents, and they said it was beautiful, and I said well, I didn’t have anything better to do, and they said, oh.
Yeah, I remember that pretty well. 

SUNDAY
Turkey sandwiches/Thanksgiving leftovers

Sunday I cut up the remaining turkey and we had sandwiches, or just whatever. Now that I think of it, I was sick and didn’t go to Mass, so probably I just schlumped around all day. 

We did paint the Jesse Tree ornaments. We usually do this as our day-after-Thanksgiving tradition, but this was our first free day. 

Haven’t gotten any greens for the advent wreath yet. Advent comes at you fast!

We also ate the very last of the pie!

And that’s enough pie for a while. I am thinking about Benny’s birthday cake, though, which I will be making Sunday, presumably in someone else’s oven, as you will see. We have two birthdays in the second half of December and two in the first week of January. And that’s why St. Nicholas and St. Lucy are on their own.

I am, however, thinking of making blintzes for Hanukkah this year. 

MONDAY
Hot dogs, onion rings

Monday I did the shopping for the Angel Tree thing, and it was fun to buy little kid presents and clothes again! It’s been a while. We all got home super late, so I just cooked the hot dogs and frozen onion rings.

I actually love hot dogs, and I think it’s crazy that the kids don’t. Fancy-pantses, alla yez. 

TUESDAY
Roast beef sandwiches, chips, lemon blueberry soufra

On Tuesday, we got our first real snowstorm of the season, and the kids had a snow day, hooray!

I had splurged on some roast beef because the rest of the menu for the week was mostly leftovers. I followed the first part of this recipe from Sip and Feast I dry brined the meat for 90 minutes, then blasted it at 500 degrees for 15 minutes, then turned the oven down to 300 and kept cooking it until it was rare. Then I wrapped it up and let it sit for a while before slicing, AND THEN THE OVEN BROKE. 

We had just replaced the heating element in March, so I’m kind of annoyed that it broke already (possibly something dripped on it and caused it to overheat in one spot in a way that wore it out prematurely), but I have to admit, that was THE luckiest timing for a broken oven. We’ve had ovens break right in the middle of birthday parties, on Thanksgiving, and on Passover, and this is so vastly preferable. Supper was already made, and also Thanksgiving was already made, and all those pies were already baked. I really can’t blame the poor thing for crapping out!

Anyway, the one sad thing was that I had been planning a fun little dessert surprise. I had a package of phyllo dough because I had changed my mind about making spanakopita for Thanksgiving, and also some leftover blueberries from the pies. So Staša clued me in to this lovely stuff called soufra. 

Soufra is Greek for “ruffle,” and you make this dish by brushing butter on sheets of phyllo dough, and then folding them into pleats and arranging the pleated dough in a spiral in a pie plate. In this recipe, you bake the buttered, pleated dough for ten minutes, then pour a custard over the top and then sprinkle it with blueberries, and bake it again. I was following this simple and clear recipe on Instagram, except I didn’t have orange extract, so I used almond. I also didn’t have heavy cream, so I used half-and-half, but decreased the amount. Also I was using duck eggs, which are considerably bigger than large chicken eggs. So I guess I should say I “followed” this recipe. 

But, did I mention, the oven broke? This is how I realized it was broken: Because the soufra started to brown, and then stopped. So I ended up pouring the custard on anyway, covering the pan with tinfoil, and roasting it for half an hour or more (the upper heating element still works). This just wasn’t getting me anywhere and the center just wouldn’t set, so I reluctantly decided to microwave it. This took way longer than I expected (maybe 18 minutes all together), but it finally firmed up. 

I think I took this pic after the broiling but before the microwave. It swelled up more, and a lot of the berries popped in the microwave.

So this poor soufra was not as crisp on top as I think it’s supposed to be, and parts of it kind of bulged out unexpectedly (you know how things bulge in the microwave), but it was actually still so good. I was afraid it would be flabby and rubbery because of the microwave, but it was just tender and pleasant. And pretty! We served it warm with the last of the vanilla ice cream from Thanksgiving, and it was very popular. 

There are many, many kinds of soufra, sweet and savory, so I’m very glad to know about it. I think it would be ahhhhhmazing with rhubarb. And I’m thinking about things like sausage and onion, too. It came together very fast, but looked like I had worked hard. 

Oh, so for supper, I had been hoping to toast my roll for the roast beef sandwiches, and also maybe melt the cheese over the meat. But I may have mentioned, the oven was broken. So I tried using a kitchen torch. 

This . . . sort of worked. But not really. But it was still an incredibly delicious sandwich (I had tomatoes, provolone, and horseradish sauce on mine),

and I’m absolutely using this method for roast beef in the future. Someday I’ll follow the whole recipe, which is supposed to result in roast beef like you get at the deli. 

WEDNESDAY
Chicken/turkey noodle  soup, crock pot banana bread

Wednesday I dragged the turkey carcass out of the freezer and made soup, adding some diced chicken breasts that were left over from the chicken pot pies. I had been intending to make challah or something to go with the soup. But, oops no oven. My first choice for non-oven bread would have been naan, but I knew I was gonna be home late again. So I went with this slow cooker banana bread. I was pretty skeptical, but I figured banana bread is supposed to be really moist, so maybe it would be good. Here is how it went in:

You heat up the slow cooker for a few minutes, and then put the batter in and let it cook on high for 2.5 to 3 hours. I actually ended up letting it go for 3.5 hours, so it was pretty burnt on the edges. But it was still delicious!

I threw in some pecans left over from Thanksgiving, and it was very fine banana bread. I’m so pleased to know this is an option — both for times when I can’t use the oven, and times when I want a quick bread but I won’t be there to take it out of the oven. Yay, new things! 

The soup was perfectly fine. It was very simple, just broth, meat, carrots, onions, noodles, and pepper. 

It’s so dang dark these days, I really struggle to get a normal photo. I struggle with lots of things. This is the darkest month, right? It starts getting lighter pretty soon, dot argh. 

THURSDAY
Gochujang bulgoki, rice, cucumbers

I had been intending to heat up a chicken pot pie I made before Thanksgiving (I accidentally made too much filling for the two pies I sold, so I made a third one and froze it), but even thought Damien ordered the replacement heating element as soon as I told him we needed one, it isn’t going to be here until Monday. So I stopped at the store and got some pork and cucumbers, and in the morning, I made a gochujang bulgoki sauce. 

My original plan was just to marinate the chops and then broil them, but as I was staring glumly at the cluttered windowsill and thinking how unfair it was that the ground is covered with snow and we still have flies in the kitchen, I spotted a kitchen gadget I forgot I had bought a few months ago. It’s basically an oversized pencil sharpener with a handle, and you twist the carrot around, and these long, ruffled ribbons emerge.

I guess you are supposed to roll them back up to make flowers, but I decided to leave them unfurled, cut up the pork in thin strips, and made bulgoki. I skipped the onions and just set the pork and carrots marinating together. 

I did attempt to put the cucumbers through the vegetable sharpener, too, but they didn’t fit, so I just cut them up. This gadget will come in handy for when we make our New Year’s Eve shushi! You could probably also make potato flowers, if you cut the potato into a cylinder first. I guess parsnip flowers. 

We had to stop on the way home to buy boots for THREE kids, and GET THIS. We did it! It took, like, twelve minutes and everyone is happy. And the kid who didn’t get boots because she didn’t need boots isn’t mad! I cannot believe how easy I get off sometimes!

So when we got home I pan-fried the meat and cooked the rice in the Instant Pot, and it was a delicious meal. 

You can eat the meat/vegetables and rice with lettuce, but I had bought a bunch of nori when the international market shut down, so we had that. More food in little bundles, I say! Yum yum. 

FRIDAY
Spaghetti

We made it, pals. I did manage to get the nativity scene set up last night. If you happened to drive by our house before it snowed and you noticed where I tossed that wreath I bought, please let me know. As soon as it warms up a little, I’ll dig for it, but I don’t know where to dig! 

I just remembered something funny. Right before Thanksgiving, I stopped at the store for some bread flour to make dinner rolls. Then I made the pies for the family, and I was like, “oh look, a brand new sack of flour!” and dug in. But of course it was bread flour. Let me tell you, those pie crusts were FIRM. Ha! Oh well. 

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No-fail no-chill sugar cookies

Basic "blank canvas"sugar cookies that hold their shape for cutting and decorating. No refrigeration necessary. They don't puff up when you bake them, and they stay soft under the icing. You can ice them with a very basic icing of confectioner's sugar and milk. Let decorated cookies dry for several hours, and they will be firm enough to stack.

Servings 24 large cookies

Ingredients

  • 1 cup butter
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • 1-2 tsp vanilla and/or almond extract. (You could also make these into lemon cookies)
  • 1 egg
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 3 cups flour

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350.

  2. Cream together butter and sugar in mixer until smooth.

  3. Add egg and extracts.

  4. In a separate bowl, combine the flour, salt, and baking powder.

  5. Gradually add the dry ingredients to the butter and sugar and mix until smooth.

  6. Roll the dough out on a floured surface to about 1/4 inch. Cut cookies.

  7. Bake on ungreased baking sheets for 6-8 minutes. Don't let them brown. They may look slightly underbaked, but they firm up after you take them out of the oven, so let them sit in the pan for a bit before transferring to a cooling rack.

  8. Let them cool completely before decorating!

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Gochujang bulgoki (spicy Korean pork)


Ingredients

  • 1.5 pound boneless pork, sliced thin
  • 4 carrots in matchsticks or shreds
  • 1 onion sliced thin

sauce:

  • 5 generous Tbsp gochujang (fermented pepper paste)
  • 2 Tbsp honey
  • 2 tsp sugar
  • 2 Tbsp soy sauce
  • 5 cloves minced garlic

Serve with white rice and nori (seaweed sheets) or lettuce leaves to wrap

Instructions

  1. Combine pork, onions, and carrots.

    Mix together all sauce ingredients and stir into pork and vegetables. 

    Cover and let marinate for several hours or overnight.

    Heat a pan with a little oil and sauté the pork mixture until pork is cooked through.

    Serve with rice and lettuce or nori. Eat by taking pieces of lettuce or nori, putting a scoop of meat and rice in, and making little bundles to eat. 

A ruthlessly practical to-do list for December

If you’re a regular reader, you know I’m not going to tell you what trending decor you need to buy to make your house look both WOW and NOW for Christmas this year. I’m not going to tell you what you absolutely need to pull piping hot from the oven while wearing themed oven mitts in order to make your children’s life magical rather than tragical. And I’m not going to give you any tips for sculpting your bod so as to show up at the office party looking like that baddie everyone’s . . . mogging on. Mogging about? 

I’m old, I don’t know what I’m talking about. 

I do dearly love giving advice, though. So as it is Giving Tuesday, here is my best, most practical advice for how to have a pretty good December. (Some of this is geared toward big, chaotic families and Catholics, but not all.)

1. If you’re planning to give money to someone who needs financial help, do it ASAP. A splashy last-minute miracle is nice to get, but what’s really nice when you’re poor is knowing that certain things — a present, a Christmas meal, or the electric bill — will be covered. 

2. If you live on the dark side of the Mason-Dixon line, start taking Vitamin D gummies every day, and keep it up until Spring. It may not make a dramatic difference, but it may help you feel a little more energetic and less sad as the darkness grows. Gummies are more expensive than pills, but I’m far more likely to remember to take gummies because I am a big baby. 

3. For the storage-poor among us who buy a mountain of presents: Clear a corner of the house now, for storing the landslide of Amazon boxes we are about to receive. If you have to, stash your regular clutter in a trash bag and deal with it later. I’m not a spreadsheet person, so I keep a running email in my drafts folder to keep track of what I have ordered, where I ordered it from, and what has actually arrived. Or you could tape a piece of paper to the wall, and attach a pen to it with a string, and really commit to keeping it current. Just do something other than stashing things here and there and keeping a running tally in your head, for that is the path to heartache and lost presents and horrible last-minute trips to Target. 

4. If you just had a baby or you’re sick, you don’t have to travel to anyone else’s house. You just don’t. It’s a normal, human, reasonable thing to say, “Oh, sorry, we can’t do that” and just keep saying it, and following through. Let your [insert irrational relative] be mad! What are they gonna do, arrest you? If you’re the husband/dad, it is YOUR JOB TO STICK UP FOR YOUR WIFE LIKE JOSEPH DID FOR MARY. Protect her and defend her and ask her what you can do so she can put her feet up at least a little bit on Christmas, and really do it, even if you don’t get why she cares about it. Your wife is more important that your [insert irrational relative].

5. If you’re feeling overwhelmed about all the Important Traditions you have accrued, ask the people you’re in charge of which ones they actually care deeply about, and see if there’s anything you can weed out. You may be surprised. But also ask yourself which ones you care about, because your preferences also matter! But also, consider delegating responsibilities — and then preparing yourself to be okay with results that are not exactly how you would have done it. In any case, a group conversation about expectations ahead of time in a calm, neutral way is almost always helpful for managing anxiety and overwhelm about big plans. 

6. If you’re using NFP, get ready to see your weirdest chart ever in December. Stress and a poor diet and lack of sleep will do that. I have no further advice; I’m just telling you you’re not alone. 

7. Consider doing screen-free hours for Advent if you can. This year, we are doing screen-free evenings from 7-10:00, Monday to Thursday; and then Fridays are for family movies (and weekends are whatever). This routine really tamps down Christmas frenzy and gives us time we didn’t realize we had, to do nice things like read books, pray as a family, listen to music, do crafts, or just sit around and yack; and it helps some of us sleep better. 

8. If you have little kids who will be getting dressed up, sort out tights and dress shoes now, and put them away. Also maybe write on your calendar on Dec. 24 where you put them away. So many, many things will be going on right before Christmas, and shoes and tights are always the first casualties. If you care about what your older kids are going to wear, have them pick an outfit and show it to you well in advance. Consider not caring, though. 

9. Christmas light timers are actually pretty cheap, and they are so worth it. Time and energy spent trying to make yourself get up and turn on the lights, or get up and turn off the lights, is time and energy you cannot spare. Buy the automatic timer. 

10. Buy more scissors and more tape now, and hide them. But don’t hide them so cleverly you can’t find them. And buy batteries!

11. If you’re going to take pictures at Mass of everyone in their nice Christmas clothes, and you want them to look even minimally cheerful and alert, take pictures before Mass, not after. Not only will there be less dishevelment and sulky expressions, your conscience will be more likely to allow you to say things like “You’re going to smile in a normal way in the next three minutes, or you’re going to meet a helicopter of fists” before Mass than it will after you’ve received the Body of Christ. 
Alternatively, just lean in to the whole Terrible Family Photo thing. You are who you are, so why struggle? Think of it as doing society a favor, so other people don’t feel like they have to live up to a photoshopped, studio-quality life. 

12. If you’re going to Midnight Mass with kids, wear thick poofy jackets even if it’s not cold. This is more decorous than sleeping bags, but it serves the same purpose. 

13. Build the thing ahead of time. That Barbie Dream House is going to take longer than you think to put together. Consider setting captives free before you wrap them, by which I mean cutting the 496 little plastic loops keeping toys in place in their packaging. Kids want to play with their new stuff right away, and there’s nothing more stressful than trying to make that happen while they shout at you. 

14. Get to confession during Advent. Just do it! Do a lame, half-hearted, grumpy confession if that’s the best you can muster, and let Jesus do the rest. Then, whatever else is going on, you’ll be able to say, “oh, but we got to confession, yay!” 

15. Disposable goods are your friend. Think about Christmas breakfast. Think about the stickiness. The crumbs. The spilled drinks with pine needles in them. Christmas is a really great time to use at least disposable tablecloths, even if you’re not a disposable tablecloth kind of person normally.
Relatedly: A little eggnog goes a long way. Consider buying little shot glass-sized Solo cups to encourage more digestible portions.

16. If you don’t use reusable wrapping (we don’t, because I think tearing open presents is fun), make sure trash bags are on your final shopping list. Then when you’re opening presents, have one person be designated to grab the wrapping paper, give it a thorough shake to dislodge any Barbie shoes or instruction booklets or teeny little allen wrenches, and throw it away right away. 

17. This sounds dumb, but have a plan for the day after Christmas. Even the most spiritually attuned family feels a sad little let-down after a highly anticipated event, so it’s a great idea to establish some kind of relaxing “day after” tradition — something easy to achieve, like watching a movie or listening to a certain album. Traditions are very powerful for making people feel secure and cared-for, and the predictability almost matters more than what it actually is. 

IN CONCLUSION! Do as much as you can ahead of time, try not to be too hard on yourself, and get to confession. Happy Advent! 

 

In praise of balance (and pie). My debut at The Pillar!

A couple of weeks ago, I broke my toe. Even though it was only just a very little toe — a piggy, if you will — the break is really cramping my style. It’s hard to walk and hard to stand in one place, and it’s really hard to balance. It turns out that’s mostly what my little toe was for: Helping me keep my balance.

Which I knew, in theory. But sometimes you don’t know something deep down until it becomes so personal that you fall on your heinie, which is what happened to me the other day, when I tried to stand on one foot with a broken toe.

I have spent a lot of time in the last several years thinking about balance, and what it means, and what it takes. Not just physical balance, but something even more interior: Balance in how we spend our time, in how we speak and think, in our politics, in our relationships, and yes, in our spiritual lives.

When I was young, I thought poorly of balance, and compromise, and prudence, and that whole class of virtues that require you to stop, consider, and moderate yourself. I could grudgingly acknowledge they were useful for getting along in the world, if you’re into that kind of thing; but it was clear to me that these were the lamest kind of virtues. They’re a consolation prize for people with no passion, no conviction, no courage, and possibly no personality.

Most of the country feels that way now. I have some friends and family who are very far right and some who are very far left, and they all feel with their whole hearts that theirs is clearly the only honorable position. They also feel that the other guys forced them into it, because someone has to counterbalance all that extremism.

Even people who mean well are very much at sea these days. It’s really hard to know when to freak out, and when to chill; when to sound the alarm and when to pace ourselves. We don’t know when to protest, and when to let things ride, or when to reach out and when to denounce. We can’t tell when to draw bright lines and when to look for common ground. We have, in short, no sense of balance. People get yelled at for trying to maintain some balance.

Lately, I’ve been practicing a form of exercise which I shan’t name, because I’m just too tired to have that fight right now. Suffice it to say it sometimes requires me to stand on one foot. It requires balance. And I have learned that balance is not what I thought. … Read the rest of my first monthly column for The Pillar! Each article will be accompanied by a recipe. 

(I did it, guys. I got someone to pay me to write about food!!)

A bunch of gifts our ten kids liked, as far as I can tell: The 2025 list!

Here we go! This is my tenth annual list of Christmas present ideas. It used to be that I’d only include things I could wholeheartedly endorse, because I had witnessed my kids using or playing with these gifts. But now they are older, and they don’t spend their whole entire lives in the living room where I can see them! So, this is my best guess about good presents. Caveat emptor, and read the reviews. Everything here is under $100, and most of it is under $50.

Here is last year’s list of 50 gifts or so, and here is the monster master list of the previous eight years, organized by category. That one has presents for kids of all ages, starting with babies.

This year, I’mma start with something I received, that I’ve been enjoying a lot:

Cheese-making kit

 

I have used this kit to make delicious mozzarella many, many times, and I really enjoy it. You just need to supply the milk (a gallon for about a pound of cheese), and I also recommend getting a pair of kitchen gloves, because hot cheese is hot. I also recently started using silicone molds, like this skull one, 

 

to make cheese in amusing shapes, and that is also fun! There are silicone molds in just about any shape a person could desire. 

Disc swing

Not the most deluxe one out there, but it’s sturdy, easy to put together (my ten-year-old did most of it), and a nice generous size for the price, and it’s on sale right now. You can rig it to swing back and forth, or to swivel. 

The Office DVD set 

I actually got this as a summer family TV show (for teens and up), and it was much cheaper than I expected for an entire series. If you haven’t watched it in a while, this show really holds up. 

The Arkadians by Lloyd Alexander

And we have arrived at our first gift that I don’t really know if the kid liked or not! It’s set in ancient Greece and it’s by Lloyd Alexander (author of the Chronicles of Prydain), so it seemed like a safe bet. 

Training sais 

For a kid who’s a TMNT Raphael fan. They’re shiny and heavier than I expected for the price. 

Batman face wallet

Slide your ID in this wallet that has a little cut-out, and you become Batman. It has styles for vertical ID’s, too, for people under 21. Goofy but well-received. Who doesn’t wanna be Batman? 

Cowboy Bebop complete serAs I understand it, this is a groundbreaking and seminal series for anime fans, and it has interesting music.  

Spongebob first 100 episodes

I think this is the last DVD set on the list! I have a long-standing grudge against Spongebob because I could tell when my kids had been watching it, because of how visibly stupid they had gotten. But I have to admit, it’s funny stuff. (Are you happy, Ashley and Stacy? I admit it! It’s funny.) 

Handheld label maker

You might be SURPRISED at how much fun the right kid will get from this thing. It has a million options for fonts and pictures, and I found it a little overwhelming, but my ten-year-old got the hang of it right away, and everything and everyone, including some docile guests, have been labelled ever since. 

Itty Bitty Hellboy Plush and Itty Bitty Hellboy Abe Sapien Plush

Goofy little plush versions of characters from the excellent Hellboy books/movies.
 

The Lost Library

A book that came highly recommended for ages 9-12, but I haven’t read it myself. A mysterious little free library guarded by a cat appears in town, and leads to adventure. 

LEGO Batman keychain light

I actually bought this to go on a charm bracelet, because I apparently don’t know what three inches means. Anyway it’s sturdy, the limbs move, and it has a bright little light and a keychain. If your kids are not as obsessed with Batman as mine are, there are other keychain minifig lights of many, many other characters. 

Pokemon charm bracelet 

I got this as a starter charm bracelet, and then filled it in with lots of other various charms from Michael’s and Etsy. This is a nice present for making a kid feel like you really know and understand them, because you can find charms of EVERYTHING they like. 

Wood carving set

A decent starter set for beginning carvers. It comes with a nice little roll case to store the tools in. The tools are quite sharp! It does not include any instructions (or at least the one we got didn’t), so a kid who wants to know exactly what to do might be a little overwhelmed by this. 

Japanese hand saw

This was on my wish list, and I love it. The teeth are very sharp and the way the handle is shaped makes it easy to grip and manipulate in tight spaces, and you get a lot more leverage than with a hacksaw. Useful for carving or for carpentry. Japanese tools are super. 

Japanese weeding sickle

Speaking of Japanese tools, here’s another one that I requested and am enjoying having! This one is for the garden, and it’s also super sharp and really handy for smaller hacking and gouging jobs. The handle is light, but it’s a sturdy tool, and very useful. 

Might as well mention the hori hori knife I also have, even though I think it was on a previous list. 

I can’t find the listing for this exact knife (actually I have two different ones, and I like them both!) but they are all priced around $15-$30, so I don’t know how much it matters which one you get. It’s excellent for bulb planting (it has the soil depth markers right on the blade) and root excavation, as well as any number of other dirt-stabbing jobs you might have. One edge is serrated, and the whole thing is slightly curved, so you can stick the knife into the soil and then twist, and get what you want. An ingenious garden tool with many uses. 

I Cheerfully Refuse by Leif Enger


I was reading and enjoying this book, but lost it, so I haven’t finished it yet! It’s set in the not-so-distant, horribly believable dystopian future. His first novel, Peace Like a River, was tremendous, and then his second one, So Brave, Young, and Handsome was a huge disappointment; so I figured it was worth a shot. As his writing tends to do, it creeps right up to the edge of being precious and overly self-aware, but it was undeniably fascinating and gripping, and I hope I find it so I can see what happens. 

The Mousehole Cat

This is a book I only recently became aware of, but apparently it’s beloved. I got it because I was trying to get other people on board with the idea of making a stargazy pie, and that didn’t work, but we sure love the book. It’s a rare children’s book that really appeals to a childlike mind, but doesn’t talk down to kids. A sweet and satisfying story with pleasant pictures. It says ages 2-6, but I think some older kids will find it appealing. 

Batman sheet set and Batman comforter and pillow case

Back to Batman!  The sheet set is black and white and is a somewhat understated pattern, and is microfiber

and the comforter 

is not super heavy, but it is reversible, with a pattern of bat logos on one side and the man himself on the other. 

The Unofficial TikTok Cookbook

This SEEMED like a good idea, and maybe it will be a good idea for someone on your list! I think the problem is that the thing that makes you want to try making a viral recipe is seeing it online over and over and over again, so having it in a book kind of takes the edge off. It did get good reviews, and the recipes are supposed to be quick and easy. 

I did hedge my bets and bundle it with this book:

The King Arthur Baker’s Companion

and I stand by it. King Arthur recipes are well-written and reliable, and this would make a good present for someone who’s learning to bake or who already knows, and wants a solid collection of recipes. 

Batmobile model kit

Part model, part puzzle. Does not need glue or tools. Reasonably easy to put together, but it’s nice looking, and would not be out of place as a present for a teen or adult Batman fan. 

Tiny apothecary bookshelf insert kit

This is one of these little models that’s designed to be tucked in between books on a shelf, so it looks like you’re seeing into a little world. Kid said she likes it, and the instructions were reasonably easy to understand, but some of the parts didn’t fit together right. So not suitable for a perfectionist or easily frustratable person. There are several other designs, all pretty cool-looking. 

TMNT 3000-piece puzzle

As described! It has different TMNT styles over the years. 

Batman lighted mirror

Good heavens, more Batman. This is a mirrored bat logo with a light behind it for the wall, and you can change the color with a remote. It’s really more of a light than a mirror, and really more decor than lamp, but it’s cool!

Tree bookshelf

A cute little bookshelf. Comes in several colors. It doesn’t hold a ton of books, as you can see from the picture, but the benefit is that it fits into a narrow space. I vaguely remember putting this together, and I don’t remember crying or running away from home, so it must be reasonably easy to assemble. 

Azul game

I think we forgot to play this? I guess we’ll try it over Thanksgiving vacation. It came highly recommended, and it’s very pretty. It’s a strategy game, for ages 8 and up, for 2-4 players, and takes 30-45 minutes to play. 

Cat sweater

In case someone on your list has requested a cat sweater! It is a nice, soft cotton knit, not very heavy. 

Another cat sweater!

In case you are not really sure what kind of cat the person on your list had in mind. This one is a bit thicker and also pleasantly soft. I’m really glad they’ve stopped making kids’ sweaters so itchy. What was that about?

 
 
Actually we got the Pepsi pencil case from this same company, but that’s sold out and (I don’t know why this makes me laugh but) it says they don’t know if or when it will be in stock again. So maybe you would like this Pringles pencil case, instead. Reasonably sturdy and well-made, and comes in a few different flavors. 
 
 
 
Maybe people in this house could be a little quieter! Maybe they could, but they won’t! Maybe they can’t. Here is a white noise machine with 20 different, non-looping sound settings.  It plugs directly into the electrical socket, and also has a detachable USB cord, and it has a little light, volume, and a timer. 
 
 
 

Another game that came highly recommended, but it was for a kid who has moved out, so I’m not sure if he’s played it or not. It is for 2-4 players, ages 13 and up, and it says it takes 5 minutes to learn, 45 minutes to play. 

The Hidden Fortress DVD, Black and white, with subtitles
 
 
Directed by Akira Kurasawa, starting Toshiro Mifune, the only actor my mother ever admitted to having a crush on. This is an unexpectedly goofy movie, and the two bumbling peasants were apparently the inspiration for R2D2 and C3PO. 
 

Manual typewriters

(this photo is an example, taken from this listing on eBay)

We got manual typewriters for two of our kids for Christmas, and they were a big hit. You can find them for sale on eBay and Facebook marketplace and no doubt other places, and you can find the specific ribbons they need on eBay. I used to spend hours and hours of my time typing out the dialogue from Archie comic books all summer long, and I don’t even know why, except that it was fun. Typing is fun! Especially when the typewriter comes in its own compact little suitcase with a handle. One of the ones we got was military, because you know what? You can’t hack into a piece of paper. 

KitchenAid Immersion Blender

This is “Ice Blue” model, but it comes in several colors. Great for smoothies, very useful for soups in the pot. KitchenAid is still a great brand, but if you are thinking of giving someone a standing mixer, which is a wonderful present, I highly recommend buying an old used or refurbished one rather than new. I’ve had mine for almost 30 years, and it was refurbished when I got it! I hear about the new ones breaking after five years or so. 

 
 
We got ten of these for stocking stuffers. You squeeze the rubber mug and a rubber kitty pops out. Whoever decided to spell it “POP a Chino” should be arrested, but the actual toy is cute, and satisfyingly rubbery. I have a weak spot for Schylling toys, which are just pure toys, not intended to teach you anything.
 
 
 

Okay this one is really stumping me. It showed up as something I ordered around Christmas, but I have no memory of it, at all. Looks like it might be fun? It says ages 14 and up, “easy to learn, hard to master.”

As I get older, prepare for more and more lists of things that, according to my records, I definitely bought, but I have no further information, haha. 
 
 
I do remember this! Floppy and adorable, nice and roomy. It is made of “synthetic snowy owl fur,” by which they mean thin fleece. There are a number of other animal onesies at the venerable ABPTBAZ store. 
 
 
 
I’m including this even though it’s out of stock, just to remind you that you CAN buy a device that’s just for playing music and reading ebooks, and the parental controls allow you to keep the kid from accessing the [ptui] rest of the internet. Our particular child isn’t especially devious or tech-savvy, so I can’t say how easy it might be to defeat or subvert the parental controls, but there are lots and lots of parents who do want this exact thing and will give detailed reviews, so it’s an option! Feel free to recommend specific products if you’ve found something good. 
 
 
Perfectly fine earphones that have gotten constant use all year. Reminder that your child does not need studio-quality sound to listen to whatever ridiculous synthesized nonsense they’re probably listening to while they do the dishes. We got these because they matched the MP3 player, but they come in a bunch of different colors. 
 
 
You’re never gonna believe this, but I don’t remember anything about this game. I think I must have bought it hoping we’d play it over Thanksgiving vacation or something. I will admit it looks very much like something I, and I alone, would enjoy playing. Who wants to come over and play with me? If I can find it? 
 
 
 
This isn’t the exact model we got, but something along these lines. You put the coin in the right spot and Godzilla rises up out of the sea (box) making a noise (I don’t remember what the noise is, but I would guess “SKREEEONK”), snatches it, and sinks back down, and the lid closes. There are also versions of this concept with cats, monkeys, pandas, etc.. 
 
And now for some items not from Amazon!
 

Psychedelic Scarab earrings from Ravenstone gifts

Brass earrings with an iridescent finish, nickel-free, gorgeous, HUGE. For someone with very confident ears. (I will also say that if you, for instance, buy these well ahead of time and then somehow lose them but don’t discover this until almost the last week in December and need to reorder them real fast, this store is very accommodating and will get a second set to you very quickly!)

Bender earrings from TheFolksMadeIt

Am I thrilled that my ten-year-old latched onto Bender as a hero and role model? Not especially! Does she adore these earrings? Yes, she does. So there you go. At least it’s just his head, and not his shiny metal ass. (They’re pretty big, but because they’re 3D printed, they’re light.)

Hanging bat earrings from the fine folks at . .  sigh. . . Nightly Bloodlust. 

Nice li’l sleeping bats. 

 
 

A very specific present for a very specific person. They have many, many other styles from pop culture, and they come with a little metal chain and clip. My kids have some many charms on their backpacks, they sound like Jacob Marley coming down the hall.

NothingParticularMN earrings

The specific earrings we got (a Russian blue cat gazing at the moon) are sold out, but they do have earrings showing dogs of all different breeds. It’s kind of weird, because the earrings we got were a more abstract design, but it looks like what they’re selling now is more hyper-realistic styles? But maybe you know someone who would be delighted to have earrings that look just like their specific dog. You will probably find them here! 

Budgiezilla hoodie from TeePublic

As described. We somehow ended up with two different hoodies, each with a giant parakeet attacking Tokyo (not the same design, though!), but I don’t remember where we got the other one. We ended up giving them both to the kid and she wears both of them, so there you go. 

11th Doctor sonic screwdriver from Toynk

They certainly have a wide array of Sonic Screwdrivers!

AND FINALLY . . . 

Demonia “Slay-77” boots

These also come in black with red spikes, and plain black; but the pink and green ones are UV light reactive, so you tell me. I don’t know if Demonia boots are very well-made or if my kid is just really gifted at walking, but she DOES walk around in these, and she loves them. At least they have sensible grippy soles. 

And that’s it! That’s the list. Happy shopping, and good luck! 

 

 

 

 

What’s for supper? Vol. 449: In which certain patterns emerge

Happy Friday! The last Friday before Thanksgiving. I haven’t even thought about our Thanksgiving menu this year, except that I have a new roll recipe I’m pretty excited about. Oh, and I may ditch the cranberry orange muffins and make cranberry lemon bars instead. 

So I guess we’ll have . . . 

Mulled cider
Spanakopita
Turkey with stuffing and gravy. Some years we make oyster sausage stuffing, but I think mostly I’m the one who likes it. 
Cranberry sauce from a can
Mashed potatoes
Dinner rolls
Maybe a mixed roast vegetable and bacon dish, or maybe candied sweet potatoes
Lemon cranberry bars
Apple, pumpkin, and pecan pie, maybe cranberry curd tart
Maybe ice cream. One year I made butternut squash ice cream with candied pecans, and it was pretty dang good, but you really can’t beat vanilla with pie. 

There, I guess I made the menu! I collected a bunch of those recipes here. We are only having immediate family over, and I have asked the kids to pick a poem to read after dinner and before dessert. We started this last year and it was more or less a success. 

Okay, on to this week’s food! 

SATURDAY
Leftovers for kids

and the grownups went out on a DATE. It was our intention to try the new banh mi place in town, which is supposed to be fantastic, but we got there at 5:45 and it was already closed! So we went to the newish Buba Noodle Bar. I had a short rib bao bun and bugoki yaki udon. Both completely scrumptious and super fresh, and even though it was very busy, the service was fast and friendly. The waiter strongly encouraged us to try the coconut ice cream, but I explained we were going to the movies and I wanted to eat a tremendous amount of popcorn, and he understood. Clara and Wesley turned out to be at the theater, too, and we yakked for a while, and then found seats on opposite sides of the theater, as is fitting. 

We saw Frankenstein! We both enjoyed the heck out of it. Just every little bit of it was delicious and gripping and exactly what movies were meant to be. I feel like maybe this is the movie Guillermo del Toro has been trying to make all along. If you have a chance to see it in the theater, do! It’s long, but nothing feels extra or slow. My only quibble was I couldn’t understand everything Elizabeth was saying. But I got the general gist. Anyone who complains about this movie is living their life wrong. If you can’t see it in the theater, it’s definitely still worth watching on Netflix. 

And I did eat a tremendous amount of popcorn, and also Mike and Ikes and lemonade. What a lovely night. 

SUNDAY
Pork chops, risotto, Brussels sprouts slaw

Sunday after Mass, Damien and I went to two different pharmacies trying to get Covid and flu shots (the kids got theirs last week), but it kept not working out, so we went home unjabbed. 

I started some pork chops marinating, using this marinade from Recipe Tin Eats (In that sentence, I had the choice of either saying “marinating” and then “marinade,” or else “recipe” and then “Recipe.” Because if I don’t think about things that don’t matter, who will? And the answer is: Guillermo del Toro).

I had a pound of Brussels sprouts left over from last week, and they were right on the edge of going funky, so I really had to use them. So I made a Brussels sprouts slaw, and I thought it was quite nice, fresh but autumnal, with toasted almonds and dried cranberries, yum yum. In fact, if you are looking for a vegetable for Thanksgiving, this is more substantial than a green salad but less heavy than green bean casserole or whatever. Which I have never actually eaten, because it just doesn’t look good. 

I sliced up the Brussels sprouts in the food processor. I forgot how dainty Brussels sprouts can be when you slice them thin. They leave their peasant cabbage ancestry behind and turn into little green doilies, very pretty. 

I skipped the red onion. The dressing has maple syrup and dijon mustard in it, but it still tasted pretty bland to me, so I squirted in a ton of honey before I mixed it all together. 

Then I realized that, honey or no, the kids were not going to be happy with just pork chops and slaw for supper, so I made some Instant Pot risotto and kept it warm in the Instant Pot, which is not ideal, but still, risotto. 

Jump to Recipe

Then I roped a couple kids into helping me put the dang trellis up. Ye Ongoing Tragicke History of ye Dange Trellis. It’s not . . . the most secure engineering imaginable. But it is up!

See? Demonstrably not lying on its side in the dirt. Really, sincerely, thanks to everyone who was sympathetic and encouraging in the comments last week. It helped a lot, because I was not only discouraged about the project, I was embarrassed at how discouraged I felt. So, we got it up! 

When it was close to supper, I put the pork chops on a pan, poured the rest of the marinade on top, and broiled them; and we had a nice little meal. 

The recipe calls for grilling the pork chops so they get a crust, and broiling does not achieve that; but they still have a wonderful savory flavor and are incredibly juicy. I was very pleased with this meal altogether. It was just a very successful combination of flavors and textures. 

MONDAY
Ham, peas, mashed potatoes

Monday, Damien and I got in for an appointment to get our shots, and it was a relief to get that done. The pharmacist complimented me on thinking to wear a tank top under a cardigan, so he could reach my arms easily. I guess a lot of people turn up in turtlenecks or wetsuits, and then they’re surprised they have to strip down in the middle of the supermarket.

I discovered the ham I had bought on sale was one of those fancy spiral-cut hams, with the glaze and everything, hoo de hoo hoo. So I set that up to go into the oven, and I made five pounds of mashed potatoes and put those in the slow cooker to stay warm. 

And then I realized that, despite obsessive searching for weeks, I wasn’t getting anywhere trying to find free bricks on Marketplace, and it was only a matter of time before we got some real snow. So I went to Home Depot and bought 130 bricks, plus several bags of gravel and several bags of sand.

Damien got the ham in the oven while I was out, and when I got back, all I had to do was heat up some peas.

The kids were all pleased about supper, even though something weird happened to the mashed potatoes and they were kind of soupy and gummy by supper time. I really don’t know why that happened! They tasted fine; the texture was just really off. I dunno. 

Actually, I do know. I get frustrated that my mashed potatoes always have lumps, so I made these in the mixer, rather than mashing them by hand. I had it in my head that there was some arcane chemical reason not to do it this way, but they looked fine. But I guess I must have overmixed them, because they were not great! Oh well. Lumps it is. Maybe I am not cooking them long enough before I mash them. 

TUESDAY
Chopped Italian subs, fries

Tuesday I unloaded all the bricks and sand and stuff from Damien’s car, and the I figured, what the hell, as long as they’re out and I’m all gritty, I might as well do this project. 

I already had the area squared off, that I wanted to brick. So I 

. . . now look. If you are one of those people who does things the right way and can’t understand why anyone would not do things the right way, these next few paragraphs may not be for you. All right. 

So you’re supposed to dig eight inches down, then level and compact the dirt, then lay gravel, level and compact that, lay sand, lay bricks, and then sweep more sand in between the joints. 

I did . . . some of that. Okay? I dug down a certain number of inches

and I leveled it off, in a certain sense. You are supposed to set up stakes and stretch string in between them so you can maintain an even slope, and I went so far as to go inside and find some string and bring it outside.

All right? And then I spread gravel on and sort of rubbed it around with a plank of wood, and then I put a rubber mat on it and jumped up and down on top of it, which you really cannot claim didn’t compact it somewhat. And I’m sure anyone heading east on 101 around noon enjoyed the show.

Then I started laying bricks, and if they didn’t look straight, I hit them with a mallet. Then I put some more sand on top and swept it until my arms were tired.

And you know what? It looks . . . better! It really does. 

I swept in as much sand as I could into the cracks and then left it to settle. 

And I actually felt not-terrible about it. It’s starting to come together! We need to patch that gaping wound in the siding over the door, and wash the siding, and fix the parts of the trellis I broke, and there are other various things that need to be done. But it’s better, and there is less of a slope in front of the door, which will be very helpful when it gets icy out there. And the mail lady has a spot to leave packages (she has been putting them in the wheelbarrow), and most importantly of all to me, I will have something to decorate for Christmas. 

Here’s a before and after, so far:

and I’m laughing to myself because it sure does look different! I am not at all convinced that it’s an improvement! But it looks different! Well, there is no chipmunk living under the porch anymore, anyway, because there is no porch. So we’ve got that going for us. And there’s a heck of a lot more light in the dining room and kitchen. 

It’s just a long project, that’s all. A long project. It will pay off eventually. Or not. 

Anyway, after laying the bricks I suddenly got reeeeeeeally tired. I guess it was the vaccines settling in. Just really dopey and slow and creaky, like way more than usual, even taking brick-laying into account. So I was glad I had already prepped supper. 

I tried that thing that was trending on TikTok like four years ago: Chopped Italian sandwiches. I chopped up a bunch of ham and salami, peppered salami, and pepperoni, and provolone, tomatoes, and lettuce. I tried using the giant cleaver I bought on clearance when the International Market closed, but I guess you need to sharpen it, because it sure didn’t chop very much. So I just used a knife. 

You’re supposed to mix everything together with some kind of Italian dressing, but I knew the kids were going to be skeptical of something new anyway, so I just did meats in one bowl, cheese in another, and so on, and let people dress it as they liked.

For mine, I mixed all the stuff together with some of that hotsy totsy sandwich pepper spread, and I put it on a toasted bun.

I thought it was DELICIOUS. It was, of course, just an Italian sandwich, but it was just more fun to eat. I did manage to contain the filling more after I took this picture, and got it all shoved into the roll, and used plenty of the hot sandwich spread.

And then I fell asleep, and it was the greatest nap the world has ever seen. Just pure delight. It was worth getting vaccine autism and tentacle creature blood clots just for that nap. So nice. Then I woke up for a while, and then I went back to bed. 

WEDNESDAY
Hamburgers, chips, vegetables and dip

Wednesday it was Damien’s morning to get up with the kids, and I was sooo deep asleep and having a really dumb dream when I finally became aware that (a) my phone was ringing and (b) this is something I needed to respond to in some way. 

It was Damien. What happened was, when he tried to turn onto School Street, he felt a pop and the steering went out, and he had to wrench the car off onto the side of the road. So he had the big girls walk the little girls to school, but he needed me to come get him.
 
So I got up and while I was scraping the windshield, I locked the keys in the car. But I found a spare and drove out and picked the big kids up, and also the dog who was also there because of course he was, and brought Damien his wallet, which he forgot, and he called AAA and I went to bring the kids to the other school, but! A giant construction vehicle was tipped on its side in the intersection.
 
 

So we took a detour and ended up in an unfamiliar neighborhood and then, with no warning, the road ended in a foot bridge over a stream! So we turned around and this time we went way, way, way around, and I dropped the kids off and emailed the school about why they were late, and got coffee and went home. Apparently it was a single nut in the steering that broke.

So I was sitting in the living room telling Sophia about our crazy morning and Damien texts me, “Are you coming?” Ahh crap. Turns out he thought I was coming to meet him in Keene, and I thought I was meeting him in Marlborough at the mechanic. So I run out the door, and then he texts me never mind, he will meet me at the mechanic. But by this time I am already in Keene, so I turn around and go back, and  . . . eventually I and my car and Damien and his car and the tow truck and the dog all ended up in the same place, and then we went home. 

Greatest day of Sonny’s life. Every day is the greatest day of his life, but this was outstanding. 
 
I don’t really remember the rest of the day. They fixed the car. We had hamburgers, chips, and a vegetable platter with dip for supper. And that’s-a my story. 
 

THURSDAY
Omelettes and homemade dinner rolls

Thursday I was planning to make omelettes and biscuits, but I’m really the only one who is enthusiastic about biscuits. So I thought I might test out a dinner roll recipe I saw, and if it was good, I could use it for Thanksgiving. It is this recipe from Handle the Heat.

Speaking of heat, I went to grab the cooking spray to grease the bowl to set the dough to rise, and I was wondering why the cap was so hard to get off. Here is why:

I didn’t even know we had butane in the house! And I don’t know why it was on the counter next to the cooking spray! But I am pretty glad the cap was hard to get off! Yeesh. 

Anyway, paying slightly closer attention to life in general after that, I followed the directions scrupulously, made the dough, set it to rise for ninety minutes, formed the rolls, and then put them in the refrigerator. 

You don’t have to refrigerate them — you can just let them rise a second time and then bake them — but its very convenient to be able to pause the recipe this way. She said letting them do a slow second rise in the fridge actually improves the flavor; and this way, I could bake them right before dinner. So I took them out of the fridge again around 4:00 when we got home, preheated the oven, and brushed them with egg. Looking very promising, right? 

Into the oven they went, for about 25 minutes. 

You guys, they turned out SO GOOD. 

You brush them with melted butter when they come out of the oven, and they’re incredible. Soft, rich, and lightly chewy on the inside,

with this tissue-thin fragile buttery crust on the outside, with a little crunch on the bottom. Absolutely perfect dinner rolls. 

I made omelettes to order (I had leftover ham, tomatoes, and shredded cheddar in mine) and we had that with the hot rolls, and it was delightful.

The omelettes were a complete mess, but they tasted good. 

So, these rolls are definitely going on the menu for Thanksgiving! I have never found a roll recipe I really like, so this is awesome. 

I spent most of the day working on the Christmas present suggestion list, and I’ll have that up soon, probably Sunday. I tried to get the kids to remind me of presents they had gotten each other, so I could include them too, because I remember that some of them were so creative and wonderful. They reminded me they were mostly things like a 2002 Buffy the Vampire Slayer calendar they had found at Puggy’s. Truly thoughtful and very well-received, but not necessarily presents you’d recommend to anyone who is not a Fisher. 

FRIDAY
Pizza

I bought two balls of pizza dough. Two! I didn’t even know they came in such a low number! Here’s the amount of pizza I was making just five years ago:

I feel like there’s no way two pizzas is gonna be enough food, but deep in my heart, I think it probably is. Or maybe we will starve! Always a possibility. 

The plan for today was to go pick up a load of free bricks around 11:00.

Oh yes, a big load of free bricks, the beautiful old clay kind, came available in a nearby town immediately after I finished laying the Home Depot ones I bought! So I’m getting them and I don’t even know what for. I’ll think of something! Maybe we’ll eat them if we run out of pizza. 

Update: Damien’s car has gone bad again, and my car is in no shape to carry a load like this. Dang it. I told the lady she should let the next person in line have them, and I haven’t gotten up to the part where I’m relieved because I didn’t really have a plan anyway, but I’m sure I’ll get there soon. Another long-term project! We’ll get there.

Print

Instant Pot Risotto

Almost as good as stovetop risotto, and ten billion times easier. Makes about eight cups. 

Ingredients

  • 1 medium onion, diced
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced or crushed
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp ground sage
  • 3 Tbsp olive oil
  • 4 cups rice, raw
  • 6 cups chicken stock
  • 2 cups dry white wine
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • pepper
  • 1.5 cups grated parmesan cheese

Instructions

  1. Turn IP on sautee, add oil, and sautee the onion, garlic, salt, and sage until onions are soft.

  2. Add rice and butter and cook for five minutes or more, stirring constantly, until rice is mostly opaque and butter is melted.

  3. Press "cancel," add the broth and wine, and stir.

  4. Close the top, close valve, set to high pressure for 9 minutes.

  5. Release the pressure and carefully stir in the parmesan cheese and pepper. Add salt if necessary. 

Omniscient, omnipotent, and a little bit gauche

The wonderful musical Fiddler on the Roof famously begins with the song “Tradition.” Each group in the shtetl – the papas, the mamas, the daughters, the sons – sings a chorus describing their lives. 

“Because of our traditions,” Tevye explains beneficently, “everyone knows who he is, and what God expects him to do.” 

We listened to this soundtrack a lot when I was little, and I never liked the “sons” part. They sing: “At three I started Hebrew school. At ten I learned a trade. I hear they picked a bride for me. I hope… she’s pretty.”  

I asked my mother, “Isn’t that kind of shallow? They shouldn’t be so worried about what their wives look like, should they?” I was a pretty self-righteous kid. I was heavily into stories of the saints at the time, and had heard over and over that beauty is fleeting and God sees the heart, and that’s what really matters.  

My mother, probably hiding a smile, said, “Well. . . it’s true that other things besides beauty matter, but it’s also normal for a young man to want his wife to be pretty, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” I did not like that! I wanted her to say that I was absolutely right, and incredibly spiritually mature for my age. 

I also wanted her to say I was pretty, and I wanted to be pretty, and I wanted to meet a boy who thought I was so pretty, he would ask me to be his wife, and we could be like Tevye and Golde, except I would be pretty. Give me a break, I was like eight. Plus, it was the early 80s, and we were all very dumb.  

My mother was right, though, of course. It’s great to have the highest of high standards, and to strive to dwell in a realm where body and soul are both exclusively and harmoniously ordered toward the good and toward service of God and each other. That’s how it’s supposed to be.  

It’s also great to recognize that most of us simply don’t live in that realm. We have our moments, but there’s nothing especially holy about sneering at normal human desires and impulses, and there’s definitely nothing holy about pretending you’re holy. I eventually figured that out.  

I am now 50, and to be honest, I thought I had gotten over this kind of spiritual snobbery. But a few weeks ago at Mass, I discovered I have not, because both the first reading and the Gospel bothered me a little bit. … Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly. 

Photo: Otterbein University Theatre & Dance from USA, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons (Creative Commons)

What does it really mean to be a pilgrim of hope?

What does it really mean to be a pilgrim of hope? We all know what hope is, more or less. The Gospels call Christians to hope countless times, and Pope Francis, planning ahead, invited Catholics to “gain new strength and certainty” by becoming pilgrims of hope in the Jubilee Year of 2025, which concludes on Jan. 6, 2026. Some of my Catholic friends made a pilgrimage to Rome, and some took advantage of the chance to visit pilgrimage sites here in the United States.

But some of them made an involuntary pilgrimage, walking not through Holy Doors but through terrible trials of grief and loss—and in the process, they gained a more profound understanding of the theological virtue of hope. It is, they learned, more than optimism, more than desire, and more, even, than a belief that everything will work out someday in heaven. Hope is a force that orders their lives on earth as they walk toward heaven.

Pope Leo recently said, “We know that, even in the darkness of trial, God’s love sustains us and ripens the fruit of eternal life in us.” Here are three stories of Catholics who did find sustenance from God in times that felt hopeless.

Danielle McLellan-Bujnak knows about that darkness. She saw her home, her cozy neighborhood and her entire town vaporized in the Palisades fire at the beginning of this year. It burned at 2,000 degrees for 20 hours. The soil was poisoned, and the ocean went black. … Read my feature story for America Magazine.

Photo courtesy of Danielle McClellan-Bujnak