What I learned on Corpus Christi this year

The first Sunday we went back to Mass was the feast of Corpus Christi. I was delighted to realize we could mark this feast, one of my absolute favorites, by receiving the actual corpus Christi inside the church building at last, back where we belong.

I have never been angry or bitter at our bishop for keeping Mass closed to the public. If we’re Catholics, we can’t just go get what we want and ignore the risk to the vulnerable. Even if it’s the body of Christ we want. Especially if it’s the body of Christ we want.

But oh, it was good to be back, even with masks, in alternate pews, with the sweet smells of early June roses and candle wax blending strangely with the increasingly familiar scent of hand sanitizer. I was so glad our separation was over, so glad we could be moving forward and starting to figure out how to safely make life more normal again.

Then came the first reading, and it hit me right between the eyes.  It’s a short reading, and very pointed. Moses exhorts the people to remember how God brought them out of Egypt, and how God dealt with them in the desert.

It’s a reading chosen for Corpus Christi because it reminds us: Look, from the very beginning, God has been leading you and feeding you. God doesn’t mind his business up in heaven, but he comes to us in the desert and gives us manna, and then he brings us home. Perfect for the feast day.

But it hit me so hard because of how it’s framed. It doesn’t just tell the story of how God cared for the people. It’s also the story of why God treated them as He did, and it’s a command to think about it and remember it, learn from it…Read the rest of my latest for The Catholic Weekly

Discerning out: What happens when a Catholic leaves seminary or religious life?

Joe Heschmeyer was once so sure of his vocation to the priesthood that he forgot he was supposed to be discerning it.

Everyone around him thought he should be a priest. His mother, he discovered later, had offered him to the Lord as an infant the way Hannah did in the Old Testament. Mr. Heschmeyer wrote about his vocation frequently on his blog Shameless Popery, speaking of his ordination as if it were inevitable. Things were going so well, he lost track of the idea that he was in seminary to test and explore his vocation.

“Pretty soon after I entered [in 2011], I stopped asking God if this was what he wanted. I felt like the question had already been answered. My grades were good; I was well esteemed; everything internal to the seminary felt successful. That felt like enough validation. I forgot to ask, ‘Are we still on the same page?’” Mr. Heschmeyer said.

It was not until friends and family had already bought airplane tickets and reserved hotel rooms for his ordination to the diaconate that he began to feel some doubt. He tried to assign his misgivings to “last-minute jitters,” but a black cloud of unease hung over his head.

He described riding on a bus on the way back from a retreat.

“The archbishop has an open seat next to him. A sort of rotating spot, where you can share whatever’s on your heart. It’s usually pretty short, out of respect—a 10-minute thing. I was there for half an hour, pouring out all these difficulties,” he said. The archbishop immediately reassured him that if he had any doubts, he should take more time before making a final commitment.

“It was a tremendous load that had been lifted off my shoulders. It was an illuminating and painful experience. I realized I was happy I wasn’t getting ordained. It wasn’t what I wanted to feel, or expected to feel,” Mr. Heschmeyer said.

He decided to take time off and then consider rejoining—a plan which, according to the Rev. Matt Mason, the vocations director for the diocese of Manchester, N.H., is not uncommon. But nine days into a 10-day retreat, Heschmeyer knew for sure he was not meant to be a priest after all.

Leaving the seminary or religious life can feel like freedom followed by disorientation, or like rejection followed by clarity. For many, the experience eventually bears fruits of self-knowledge and a more profound relationship with God. But first comes suffering.

Read the rest of my latest for America Magazine. This article is also in the July print edition. 

Abby Johnson: Police will racially profile my biracial son; that’s smart

Abby Johnson felt the need to speak up about race.

In a June 25 YouTube video titled “My biracial boy,” the 39-year-old anti-abortion activist used her five-year-old adopted son as a jumping off point for a 15-minute manifesto on the roots of racial unrest in the United States. She made the video private a few hours after publishing it, but said she plans to make it viewable again soon. Other have reposted saved copies of her video.

Wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt printed with lyrics by Vanilla Ice,  Johnson said in the video that her son is now an “adorable, perpetually tan-looking little brown boy [but] one day he’s gonna grow up and he’s going to be a tall, probably sort of large, intimidating-looking, maybe, brown man.”

 Johnson said that while her four other sons “are probably gonna look like nerdy white guys,” her biracial son will likely be racially profiled by police when he grows up. 

“That doesn’t make me angry,” Johnson said. 

“I realized I’m gonna have to have a different conversation with [my son] than I do with my nerdy white kids,” she said. 
 
With the voices of her children audible in the background, Johnson explained that she knows black men are more likely to be incarcerated for crimes than white men, and because of this, a “smart” police officer will be more careful around her “brown” son than around her white ones. 
 
“I look at our prison population and I see that there is a disproportionately high number of African-American males in our prison population for crimes, particularly for violent crimes; so statistically, when a police officer sees a brown man like my [child’s name] walking down the road, as opposed to my white nerdy kids … these police officers know in their head … that statistically my brown son is more likely to commit a violent offense over my white sons. Okay. So the fact that, in his head, he would be more careful around my brown son than my white son, that doesn’t actually make me angry. That makes that police officer smart, because of statistics,” she said.
 
“I’m a researcher by nature,” Johnson said. 
 
 
Johnson said that, according to her research, high rates of incarceration of black men is caused by black fatherlessness. She then claimed that, according to her research, there is a push to make black fatherlessness culturally acceptable.
 
“There are studies out there that are trying to redefine black fatherhood. They are essentially saying that the seventy percent number is a lie because black fatherhood looks different than white fatherhood; that black fatherhood actually does look like a black man coming in and out of the home and not being a consistent presence in the home, and that version of fatherhood is equivalent to a white father being consistently in the home,” she said.
 
“Okay, I don’t want to cuss on here, but that is B.S., and that is racist,” Johnson continued. 
 
“[B]lack fathers do not get a pass. Just because it is culturally different, just because black fathers don’t want to be in the home, and culturally it has been acceptable for them to be with multiple women,” she said.
 
Johnson did not specify which studies she read that attempt to redefine black fatherhood. 
 
Apparently referring to the ongoing racial unrest following the killing of Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd, Johnson said, “Yeah, we’ve got big issues right now in the black community, but at the root of it the root is not with bad cops. The root starts in the home.”
 
“It’s not because of bad cops, [but] because of bad dads,” she said.
 
The video’s settings were changed to “private” a few hours after it was published. 
 
 
 
I called Johnson on Thursday to ask some questions about the video. Here is our conversation:
 

SF: What were you hoping to achieve with this video?

AJ: I wanted to give my opinion and how I’m feeling about this whole situation. Particularly as a woman whose family is affected by this, because we do have a son who is biracial. We do recognize that we do have to have different conversations with our son. It’s not something we shy away from in our house. Race is not something we shy away from in our home. 

 
SF: What study were you referring to, when you said you read that black men aren’t expected to be monogamous or raise their children?
AJ: I’ve seen several of them. There’s quite a few out there that show basically redefining black fatherhood, sort of showing that black fatherhood expectations are different. The expectation is different in black homes than in white homes. That was surprising to me. For me, fatherhood is fatherhood. It was just interesting to see that people were trying to differentiate fatherhood based on race.
 
 I talked about that with some of my black friends, and they were really appalled by that. They were really outraged. I’ve had several discussions with one of my friends in particular about that. We both said this is something that needs to be addressed, by not just the black community but by everyone. 
 
SF: Do you think black people might see your video and start to think differently about fatherhood? 
 
AJ: I don’t know. Right now, tensions are very high, and I think in general, if you’re a white person and you’re not part of the Black Lives Matter movement, which I’m not, then your opinion is not valued. You’re seen as a racist. You’ve done a good job to paint me as that, anyway. I’m sure this article will do the same. 
 
I think if you’re not on this “social justice warrior woke” train of thought, you’re considered a racist. I don’t think that’s fair. I can’t remember a time in my life where I’ve ever discriminated against someone because of their race. I can’t remember a time when ever in my life I have acted on any sort of prejudice.
 
Of course we all have fleeting prejudiced thoughts that we all have to check. That’s something we all have. I just can’t ever recall a time in my life when I’ve actually been racist toward someone. But I think we’re living in times where it is the popular thing to call someone a racist. If your views don’t align with someone, you call them a racist, and if you disagree with what they say, you call them a racist. 
 
I took my video down for a moment. I wanted to talk to my husband. I’m gonna put it back up. My family was getting threats from the supposed Catholic community.
 
SF: Who was threatening you?
 
AJ: People who subscribe to you. It’ll get worse once you put this out. 
 

SF: What kind of threats are they making?

AJ:  People saying they’re gonna call CPS, they’re gonna do everything they can to remove this child from my home. That’s ridiculous. And, this probably wasn’t a Catholic person, but one man messaged and put up a comment that said I didn’t deserve to be a mom, and someone should shoot me and put me out of my misery?

 

SF: Did you screenshot that comment?

 

AJ: I immediately deleted it. I don’t want to look at that. 
 
This is the kind of hate that’s being spread right now. What you’re doing right now will only add fuel to the fire. That’s probably what you want. It’s just a very tense time, and it’s unfortunate people can’t share the things they want to share; they can’t share the things they discuss with their friends, with their family. They can’t talk about things without receiving threats, without being attacked from within the Catholic community. It’s a sad time. 
 
SF: If we could, I’d like to go back to those studies you read that showed that there’s a push to change notions about black fatherhood. You said there was more than one. Do you remember where you saw those studies?
 
AJ: It led me down a rabbit trail. I looked up fatherlessness in general in homes, and that led me to fatherlessness in the black community, not that it was seen as appropriate that they weren’t in the home, but it was saying: In black culture, it’s acceptable for black men to be regularly in and out of the home, and more often than white fathers. 
 
It did talk about black fathers being more likely to do more domestic things with their children, bathing their children, one study talked about that. Feeding their children, things of that nature. But there were other studies showing that fatherhood just looked different in the black community.
 
To me, it simply appeared they were trying really hard to justify the 70%, and to reduce the 70% number that’s been hanging out there for years and years. Instead of trying to get to the root cause of the problem, it seemed like they were trying to justify the number. 
 
SF: Are you aware of statistics that show that black men are more likely to be arrested more often for the same crimes that white people commit, and given harsher sentences when they are charged than white people who are charged with those same crimes?
 
AJ: I just simply looked at the statistics that were out there. Black men are disproportionately incarcerated. 
 
SF: Is it possible that they don’t actually commit more crimes, but that they’re incarcerated more often anyway?
 
AJ: I don’t know. I’d have to look at numbers showing that. I don’t have that data in front of me. I think it’s possible. I think we just have to look at data as it comes. I’m always interested in looking at data. I can say that I am a person who, in general, appreciates data over emotion.
 
SF: If black fatherlessness is at the root of black incarceration rates, what is at the root of black fatherlessness? What do you think is the cause for that?
 
AJ: I’m not sure. I’m not a historian. I don’t have all the answers to everything that ails us in our society. I think there has to be something at the root of that. I think Alveda King has talked about that a little bit. Cultural expectations are different for various reasons. I don’t know all those reasons. I’m not a sociologist. 
 
Why is breastfeeding different in the black community? That goes back to the time of slavery. I know there is something there that causes the stats to be the way they are. [fact check: there are modern, ongoing causes of racial disparities in breastfeeding] Why are serial killers 95% white? I don’t know. [fact check: the racial diversity of serial killers mirrors the general population] I don’t have the answer for that, either. Why are the majority of white collar crimes committed by white men? 
 
SF: If you know police officers are more likely to see your son as more of a threat than your white sons, do you discipline him in different ways from your white sons?
 

AJ: No, that’s a disgusting question.

SF: You said it would be smart for a policeman to treat them differently, so wouldn’t it be smart for you to treat them differently?

 
AJ: That’s a disgusting question. For you to think I would treat my children differently. The fact that you can’t see the difference is disgusting. 
 

SF: Does the pro-life movement have a racism problem?

AJ: I think racism exists, yes.

 
SF: Do you think this video will help?
 
AJ: I didn’t create this video to extinguish racism. I created it to share my thoughts. 
 

SF: You said you took the video down, but you’re going to put it up again. Why is that? Will there be a disclaimer or an explanation when you put it up?

AJ: I don’t need an explanation. 

 
Here are some useful links for further reading. I will continue to add to this list. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

A view of the mountain

Last month, my siblings and I worked out the final design for my father’s gravestone. We opted for a single stone with both my parents’ names on it, thinking forward to when my mother will die. I remember being glad that at least the part with the names was straightforward: one husband, one wife, one last name.

But even as we arrange to have that name carved in stone, I cannot help thinking about how transient it is. That name, my maiden name, is French, but our family is certainly not. My shtetl-born ancestors fled their home on a French boat, and some overworked Ellis Island official made the switch, either translating the name or just not listening very hard, Vito Corleone-style. Our true name is lost, and my family name is less than a hundred years old. So when I gave it up for my husband’s name, I was not giving up much.

And when we gave my husband’s last name to our children, that was not much to give, either. The auspicious name of “Fisher” came into being when my husband’s great-grandfather did something regrettable and had to flee the country quickly. When he came back, his name was “Fisher,” and that is all we know.

What is a Fisher? Some combination of whatever we cannot shake and whatever we decide to build, just like everyone else in the family of man. Trace anyone’s ancestry back far enough and you are almost guaranteed to hit a question mark or a lie or else an idea that may not sit well: that the family we really belong to is the family of man.

Most of us have a history of going back and forth across continents and oceans, whether we were dragged there or seeking fortune or fleeing oppression or escaping justice. Back and forth, around and around we go, taking on and shedding and making up names as we go. I do not say that history does not matter. But individual family names matter less than we like to admit; and eventually they will be taken away from us.

Shortly before he died, my father said that God was taking away more and more things from him: his health, his ability to visit my mother, who has advanced Alzheimer’s and lives in a nursing home, even his ability to walk. He told my sister it was good, to lose these things. He said God was getting him ready for death. He had a clear view of where he was headed . . .

Read the rest of my latest for America magazine.

What’s it like to be a third order Franciscan sister? A conversation with Sr. Agnes Therese Davis

I recently had a chat with Sr Agnes Thérèse Davis. Sr. Agnes is a 32-year-old sister who is a member of the Franciscan Sisters, TOR, a contemplative-active religious community that was founded in 1988. Her order values mendicancy and itinerancy, and I knew next to nothing about them or how one comes to join the order. It was a joyful, fascinating conversation, and I thought you’d like to hear it. My questions are in bold.

When did you first hear the call to become a sister?

For me, thinking about religious life only began when I started praying more intentionally as an adult. Growing up, we were Missouri Synod Lutherans. When I became Catholic, I started living a sacramental life, and in a lot of ways lost my personal prayer life. In high school, all my religious energy was diverted toward proving to my protestant friends that it was okay I was Catholic.

Did your whole family convert?

We trickled in. My mom entered some years before; my brother entered the same year as I did, but a few months before. Then several years later, my dad. We’re still waiting on my sister. For me, it was mostly an intellectual conversion. I already loved God. After my mom became Catholic, she knew that I was a voracious reader and if she left things around, I would read them. She left things around that spoke about the history of Christianity.

Looking at the teaching on the Eucharist, I don’t see how you can get anything but the true presence from John 6. I was convinced in my mind, but I was really nervous. I was very close to my grandmother, who was very desolate when my mom entered the Church.

I was confirmed in the Lutheran church when I was 13. I knew it was provisional.

I knew I had to pray, not just sit in the chapel and read holy books. I had to be silent, and I would only get myself go in with scriptures and a journal. I can’t just read the Bible; even that can be a distraction. Just forcing myself to be in silence. I remembered God is a person who loved me. Not a checklist I need to complete or a rulebook in the sky I needed to appease. Remembering God was a person who loved me and had a vested interest in my life. I realised I should be asking him what to do with my life. I was in college by this point, and I thought, “I can’t just do whatever falls in my lap. I need to ask God what He wants.”

Read the rest of this interview in The Catholic Weekly

Image: Detail of photo courtesy of Sr. Agnes Therese

What’s for supper? Vol. 215: The plural of clafoutis

Doesn’t it seem like we just did this? We did! And now we’re doing it again. 

SATURDAY
Pizza

No memory of Saturday. Oh, I think we were sifting piles of dirt through a metal grate to get the rocks out, and I sent a kid in to make six pizzas. Think of that, moms still stuck in babyland! Someday you will be able to send a kid in to make dinner for 12 so you can stay outside and keep doing what you want to do (even if it’s sifting dirt through a metal grate). Hang in there.

SUNDAY
Shawarma

I set the meat and onions to marinate the night before. Normally I use boneless thigh meat, which I think is the best for chicken shawarma,

Jump to Recipe

 

but since Damien was grilling, I got bone-in, skin-on thighs. 

Always a delightful meal. I was planning to make fried eggplant, but had stupidly left the eggplants on the windowsill, so of course they went bad. Secretly relieved I didn’t have to fry anything. It’s really an easy and delicious recipe, but frying is frying. 

Jump to Recipe

 

Anyway, we had spent the day moving eleven tons of sand, and sitting down seemed best. 

MONDAY
Beef burritos with guacamole

I have only ever eaten frozen burritos before, so I didn’t honestly know what a good burrito was supposed to taste like. The price of beef has shot up ridiculously, so I had two of those awful chubs of ground beef.

I fried it up with fresh garlic and lots of chili powder, red pepper flakes, and cumin. I wanted to make it relatively mild for the pickier kids.

I made up a bunch of guacamole

 

Jump to Recipe

 

and a bunch of beans and rice

 

Jump to Recipe

 

which I made somewhat hotter than usual with the addition of some chilis in adobo sauce. 

And that’s it. I had mine with some cheese and sour cream. There may be some salsa buried in there, too; who can say. 

I thought it was tasty. I definitely didn’t need more than one. 

TUESDAY
Chicken nuggets, chips, veg and dip/graduation dinners

On Tuesday we got caught up with celebratory graduation dinners, and took Moe (who graduated from high school) and Sophia (who graduated from eighth grade) out to the restaurant of their choice, which turned out to be a moderately-priced family sandwich place. Works for me! I had something called an Italian Stallion, which, to my disappointment, included no stallion meat at all.

WEDNESDAY
Blueberry chicken salad; plum and peach clafoutis

Simple salad for a hot day: Mixed greens, broiled chicken, feta cheese, toasted almonds, and blueberries. I forgot to get red onions, but those are good on this salad. I had mine with wine vinegar. 

It being June, I attempted to get fancy with the plating:

Turns out it’s harder than it looks to strew wildflowers in a way that looks natural, but does not look like you are actually eating daisies. 

The meal seemed a little skimpy, and we had a house full of lovely fruit, so I made two . . . well, I made a clafoutis, and then, while I was at it, I made another clafoutis. I could look up the plural, but where’s the fun in that?

A clafoutis is a very simple baked custard with whatever you want in it.

 

Jump to Recipe

You can add chocolate and hazelnuts, grapes if you’re crazy, bananas if you’re a sociopath, or pears or apples if you’re not sick and tired of apples, or I guess cherries is the most famous kind. I did actually have cherries, but did not feel like pitting them. So I made one with plums and one with peaches.

Aren’t they gorgeous? The batter takes like three minutes to make, but they do have to bake for about forty minutes. You can eat them warm or cold. I, ahem, did both, over the course of 24 hours.

We sifted some powdered sugar on top before we ate them, and they were absolutely delicious, and so beautiful. Sometimes the kids get mad at me for ruining fruit by baking it, but not this time.

 

La pêche:

 

 

Out of sheer honesty, not everyone likes clafoutis. Two of my favorite things in the world are custard and fruit, but I’m not everybody. But the kids were mostly in favor of it. 

THURSDAY
Muffaletta sandwiches, chips, Rainier cherries

Everybody likes these sandwiches. I bought four long baguettes and a combination of cheap and expensive cheeses and meats. I made tons and tons of olive salad with green and black olives, a few jars of giardinera, and several cloves of garlic, all chopped up in the food processor with olive oil and ground pepper.

Everyone’s happy when I call them to dinner and the table looks like this:

 

You can make this a hot sandwich, but we absolutely did not want to turn the oven on. Everybody got some chips and some rainier cherries, and I had my sandwich outside. 

 

OH SUMMERTIME. Oh sandwichtime. 

FRIDAY
Fish tacos

Nothing fancy. Just frozen battered fish, avocados, shredded cabbage, salsa, sour cream, and cilantro. Maybe I will make some lime crema. And maybe we will put the AC in today! 

Oh, this is your annual reminder that frozen grapes are very good indeed. Just wash them and shake off the excess water and put them in the freezer. I like red grapes the best for this. It’s a beautifully refreshing little sweet treat for the hot weather, better than ice cream. 

And fine, I looked it up. The plural of “clafoutis” is “clafoutis.” As it should be.

Chicken shawarma

Ingredients

  • 8 lbs boned, skinned chicken thighs
  • 4-5 red onions
  • 1.5 cups lemon juice
  • 2 cups olive oil
  • 4 tsp kosher salt
  • 2 Tbs, 2 tsp pepper
  • 2 Tbs, 2 tsp cumin
  • 1 Tbsp red pepper flakes OR Aleppo pepper
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 entire head garlic, crushed OR bashed into pieces

Instructions

  1. Mix marinade ingredients together, then add chicken. Put in ziplock bag and let marinate several hours or overnight.

  2. Preheat the oven to 425.

  3. Grease a shallow pan. Take the chicken out of the marinade and spread it in a single layer on the pan, and top with the onions (sliced or quartered). If you kept the garlic in larger pieces, fish those out of the marinade and strew them over the chicken. Cook for 45 minutes or more. 

  4. Chop up the chicken a bit, if you like, and finish cooking it so it crisps up a bit more.

  5. Serve chicken and onions with pita bread triangles, cucumbers, tomatoes, assorted olives, feta cheese, fresh parsley, pomegranates or grapes, fried eggplant, and yogurt sauce.

 

Yogurt sauce

Ingredients

  • 32 oz full fat Greek yogurt
  • 5 cloves garlic, crushed
  • 1/4 cup lemon juice
  • 3 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • fresh parsley or dill, chopped (optional)

Instructions

  1. Mix all ingredients together. Use for spreading on grilled meats, dipping pita or vegetables, etc. 

 

Fried eggplant

You can salt the eggplant slices many hours ahead of time, even overnight, to dry them before frying.

Ingredients

  • 3 medium eggplants
  • salt for drying out the eggplant

veg oil for frying

3 cups flour

  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1 Tbsp cumin
  • 1 Tbsp paprika
  • 1 Tbsp red pepper flakes
  • 2-1/2 cups water
  • 1 Tbsp veg oil
  • optional: kosher salt for sprinkling

Instructions

  1. Cut the ends off the eggplant and slice it into one-inch slices.
    Salt them thoroughly on both sides and lay on paper towels on a tray (layering if necessary). Let sit for half an hour (or as long as overnight) to draw out some of the moisture. 

  2. Mix flour and seasonings in a bowl, add the water and teaspoon of oil, and beat into a batter. Preheat oven for warming. 

  3. Put oil in heavy pan and heat until it's hot but not smoking. Prepare a tray with paper towels.

  4. Dredge the eggplant slices through the batter on both sides, scraping off excess if necessary, and carefully lay them in the hot oil, and fry until crisp, turning once. Fry in batches, giving them plenty of room to fry.

  5. Remove eggplant slices to tray with paper towels and sprinkle with kosher salt if you like. You can keep them warm in the oven for a short time.  

  6. Serve with yogurt sauce or marinara sauce.

 

5 from 1 vote
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White Lady From NH's Guacamole

Ingredients

  • 4 avocados
  • 1 medium tomato, diced
  • 1 medium jalapeno, minced
  • 1/2 cup cilantro, chopped roughly
  • 1 Tbsp minced garlic
  • 2 limes juiced
  • 1 tsp chili powder
  • salt and pepper
  • 1/2 red onion, diced

Instructions

  1. Peel avocados. Mash two and dice two. 

  2. Mix together with rest of ingredients and add seasonings.

  3. Cover tightly, as it becomes discolored quickly. 

 

Beans and rice

A good side dish, a main course for meatless meals, or to serve inside carnitas, etc.

Ingredients

  • 3 cups uncooked white rice
  • 1 15-oz cans red or black beans, drained
  • 1 20-oz can diced tomatoes with some of the juice
  • 1 diced jalapeno
  • 1/2 cup cilantro, chopped roughly
  • 1 small red onion, diced
  • 2 Tbsp minced garlic
  • chili powder
  • cumin
  • salt and pepper

Instructions

  1. Cook rice. Add rest of ingredients, adjusting spices to taste. If it's too dry, add more tomato juice. 

 

Lime Crema

Keyword Budget Bytes, crema, lime, lime crema, sour cream, tacos

Ingredients

  • 16 oz sour cream
  • 3 limes zested and juiced
  • 2 Tbsp minced garlic
  • 1/2 tsp salt

Instructions

  1. Mix all ingredients together. 

Recipe Notes

So good on tacos and tortilla chips Looking forward to having it on tortilla soup, enchiladas, MAYBE BAKED POTATOES, I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

 

 

 

Clafoutis

a simple baked custard, usually with fruit. Very easy to make, very pretty. This recipe makes two round 9-inch clafoutis, but you can make individual custards in ramekins if you like.

Ingredients

  • 3 cups whole milk
  • 9 eggs, beaten
  • 1-1/2 cups sugar
  • 4 tsp vanilla
  • 6 Tbsp butter, melted
  • 1-1/2 cups flour
  • any kind of fruit you like
  • confectioner's sugar for sifting on top

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 325.

  2. In a bowl, mix together the milk, eggs, sugar, vanilla, and butter. Add the flour in gradually (sifting it into the bowl if you want to make it really smooth) and beat the batter until it is smooth.

  3. Pour the batter into two pie pans. Then carefully add the fruit on top, distributing it evenly or making a design if you like.

  4. Bake about 40 minutes until the center is soft but not jiggly. The top should be slightly browned.

  5. Serve immediately, or chill to eat later. Sift confectioner's sugar on top before serving.

Editing in black and white: On reparations, literacy, good intentions, and white saviorism, Part II

This is the second of two companion interviews. Please be sure to read the first one. Both interviews begin with the same introduction for context.
 
***
 
A week ago, an editor posted an announcement in a large editors’ group online. The editor, who is white, had organized a website where professional editors and proofreaders could sign up to donate their services to people of color, as a gesture of reparation. 
 
Editors in the group responded with enthusiasm, and nearly 200 signed up. Then a black editor brought the conversation up short. She asked if the organizer had asked any people of color for advice before launching such a project. She pointed out that it might take paying work away from black editors, and suggested that the entire project came across as white saviorism. 
 
There was a long discussion, and the white editor ultimately announced that she was suspending the project. She thanked those who participated in the conversation for their feedback and scrutiny. 
 
Having been a part of many frustrating and unproductive conversations about race, I was struck by how civil this exchange was, so I contacted both editors to get more clarity about how they perceived the interaction. My understanding of the issue changed considerably after I talked to both of them. Reading over the transcript, I am especially grateful to the black editor for being patient and courteous with my questions. Like many white people, I’m learning a lot of new things suddenly, and light is dawning slowly.  I am also grateful to the white editor for being so candid.
 
Both editors have asked to remain anonymous.  The black editor is a retired marketing and communications director with over twenty years of experience in editing; the white editor is in her 30’s and has been working as an editor and with publishers for several years. 
 
Here is my conversation with the white editor. Again: This second of two companion interviews. Please be sure to read the first one.
 
***
 
Is this the first time you’ve gotten involved in a project involving racial justice?
 
In terms of practical action, I’ve been reading, researching, donating, signing petitions, that sort of thing. This is the first time I’ve tried to do something with my time and skills.
 
What prompted this project? 

I was an idea I had a long time ago. It came from reading about white supremacy and anti-racism and trying to think what I could do in my own sphere of influence. So I did at that time raise it in my workplace, and we changed some aspects of our internship to make it more welcoming to black and minority people. But out of that same line of thinking, I had this thought that I could provide my own proofreading skills on a pro bono basis. I didn’t do anything with it at the time. I wasn’t sure if it would work. And I have a baby now, so I don’t really have time to do a lot of volunteer work. 
 
With everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks, it got me thinking what more I can do, and this old idea came back to me. I don’t have much time to volunteer myself, but I can coordinate a large group of volunteers. I felt certain there must be other people feeling the same way. 
 

How many people did sign up to volunteer?

Last I checked it was 195 people. So I was definitely not alone in wanting to do something. But as you saw in the discussions, it became clear there were some nuances I wasn’t appreciating as a white person.

 
How long did it take to organize and put together the graphics?
 
It took a few days. I spent a couple of evenings setting everything up. To be honest, that was probably one of my mistakes, rushing into it. I was so conscious there were so many people who were really waking up to these injustices. There was this real energy of wanting to do something, I felt like if i didn’t get this going as soon as possible, people would lose interest. So that did drive me to rush too much in setting out, before getting enough feedback. But I was glad I got that feedback very early in the project. 
 
About the people signing up, were they all white?
 
I didn’t ask, so I don’t know. Looking at that Facebook discussion, you can see most people’s faces, and it did seem like a lot of the enthusiastic comments were from white people, but I don’t have any data.
 
What did you think when you saw the first negative responses to the launch?
 
To be honest, it wasn’t entirely a surprise. When deciding whether to go ahead, I was aware it could potentially come across as white saviorism. I did talk to friends who are people of color, and so it was something I had already thought could come up as an issue. But I think I thought I could mitigate that if I present it in the right way. But what became clear to me is that it’s not something you can mitigate, because of the fundamental power dynamic.
 
Did you see their point when they made objections?
 
I initially started trying to put my counter point of view across, and counter those arguments, but it became clear to me there was strong feeling, and I needed to back off. I was very disappointed, obviously, and I had the best of intentions. I had been very hopeful it could be a really great project and could really help people. 
 
I felt I had to listen to those people. It would be ridiculous to ignore the offense I was causing to the same people I was trying to help.
 
I have seen other reparations groups where white people do make offers of help and money and services, and black people make requests, and they are matched up. It even includes some editing services. Do you have thoughts on what the difference is between what they’re doing and your project?
 
I’m part of a Facebook mutual aid group, and people do exactly what you describe, and I’ve participated in individual financial transactions. It’s hard to see the difference. I put it down to the fact that I’m a white person and by definition blind to the nuances of these race dynamics, because I haven’t spent my lifetime having to be aware of those things. So I could find it difficult to define the difference, but if someone who is black defines it for me, I have to listen to that. If they are telling me I’ve crossed a line, I have to stop, whether I see the line or not. 
 
One of the things that was raised was the difference between doing something out of a desire to help, as opposed to someone asking for help. That plays into it. Maybe my project could have done some good, but if that’s not what’s being asked for, maybe that energy could be spent in a different way. 
 
Also, because it’s editing related, it plays into the implications of levels of education, and that makes it more sensitive. Again, it’s not my place to define where that line is. 
 
Have you been exhorted to use your white privilege, and was this an example of trying to do that?
 
What I hear more is slightly different: The idea that [we’re] not necessarily using white privilege for good, but using your white privilege to mitigate the fact that other people don’t have that privilege. So, trying to level the playing field. 
 
But there is also the concept of reparations. I wasn’t thinking this would be something that’s means tested, or just for people who couldn’t afford it, but this is like a freebie, a donation — is “compensation” the right word? — for the imbalance that I’m complicit in. 
 
One thing the black editor mentioned is that sometimes white people go into these situations with certain expectations, and they need to examine what they are and why they have them.
 
I was genuinely hoping to do some good in the world, and to provide a service that would benefit people. For example, we could proofread university or job applications. I was thinking along the lines of: If you don’t have white privilege, you have to do everything twice as perfectly to get half as far. I was thinking along the lines of removing any excuse that a white employer could have for not interviewing a black candidate; that kind of thing.
 

I’m sure there was an expectation I would feel good. That’s a part of any form of volunteerism or philanthropy. That’s part of it. 

To be honest, part of it was I am currently home with a baby all day, and it was nice to have some project to do where I could use my skills and brain a little bit. And that was probably a factor of why I got caught up with this idea. 
 
Do you feel discouraged by this incident? Or how would you characterize what you are taking away from it?
 
I feel humbled by what happened. I have been thinking and reading about racism and white supremacy for quite a long time, and I thought of myself as someone who understood those principles and knew what to do. This was a wake up call that I don’t know as much as I thought I did. I’m still vulnerable to making those kind of classic mistakes, and I have more learning to do. It was definitely humbling. 
 
Is it discouraging? I’m discouraged that it didn’t work out how I wanted it to. It’s such a minefield, and as I white person who doesn’t have the same ultrasensitivities, it’s discouraging that it’s so difficult to find what’s right to do. But I don’t think that’s a reason to give up and do nothing; that’s a reason to learn more read more, get to a place where you can become better at judging these things. That’s what I’m trying to do at the moment. 
 
Do you have any plans to try to salvage this project?
 
I’m letting it sit for now. I’m thinking about it. I’ve had a few suggestions from the volunteers. I’m hoping to bring it back with a broader focus, one that doesn’t focus on race specifically, but I’m not sure what that could be. I’ve had suggestions of working with schools in underprivileged areas, or with adults with learning disabilities, or refugees. There are lots of different ways editorial skills can be helpful to people; it’s just about finding what could actually work. I’m resolved to take my time. That was one of my biggest mistakes. 
 
Is there anything else you’d like to add that we didn’t cover?
 
I did have the best intentions. It didn’t work out, but it was a good learning experience, and I’m grateful people took the time to explain it to me in a way that was mostly kind and patient, because I imagine they must have spent a lot of time explaining things like that to white people. I definitely benefitted from it, and I know other people did as well. Hopefully, good will come of it. 
 
What caught my eye about this situation was that everyone was unusually civil, which helped me to learn from it. I’ve seen similar conflicts where everyone gets angry and insulting, and it tends to drive people to more extreme points of view. In this case was struck by how patient and gracious the black editors were, and how humbly you responded.
 
I think what enabled me to respond in the way I did was my knowledge of white fragility. I’m as susceptible to that as everyone else. If any of my readers are planning to get involved or having discussions [about racial injustice], I recommend they take time to understand that concept. It’s so easy to become defensive and shut down the conversation or take it to an unhelpful place. If you know about these tendencies, you can prevent yourself from doing that. 
 
***
This is the second of two companion interviews. Please click here for the first interview with the black editor
 
 
 

Editing in black and white: On reparations, literacy, good intentions, and white saviorism, Part I

This is first of two companion interviews. Please be sure to read the second one. Both interviews begin with the same introduction, for context.
 
***
 
A week ago, an editor posted an announcement in a large editors’ group online. The editor, who is white, had organized a website where professional editors and proofreaders could sign up to donate their services to people of color, as a gesture of reparation. 
 
Editors in the group responded with enthusiasm, and nearly 200 signed up. Then a black editor brought the conversation up short. She asked if the organizer had asked any people of color for advice before launching such a project. She pointed out that it might take paying work away from black editors, and suggested that the entire project came across as white saviorism. 
 
There was a long discussion, and the white editor ultimately announced that she was suspending the project. She thanked those who participated in the conversation for their feedback and scrutiny. 
 
Having been a part of many frustrating and unproductive conversations about race, I was struck by how civil this exchange was, so I contacted both editors to get more clarity about how they perceived the interaction. My understanding of the issue changed considerably after I talked to both of them. Reading over the transcript, I am especially grateful to the black editor for being patient and courteous with my questions. Like many white people, I’m learning a lot of new things suddenly, and light is dawning slowly.  I am also grateful to the white editor for being so candid.
 
Both editors have asked to remain anonymous.  The black editor is a retired marketing and communications director with over twenty years of experience in editing; the white editor is in her 30’s and has been working as an editor and with publishers for several years. 
 
Here is my conversation with the black editor. Again: This is one of two companion interviews. Please be sure to read the second one.
 
***
 

What did you first think when you saw the offer?

I just wondered how familiar she was with the organizations or individuals who would become clients. It seemed to me there was an assumption that resources weren’t available to the organizations and individuals she wanted to reach out to. 
 
From my experience working with black organizations or individuals, they approach the person they want to edit. In our organizations and our churches and our circle of people, you usually know the person who is good at that type of thing, or has that skill set. The approach is based on who we know in our community and who we know is capable of doing that kind of work. It’s not limited to people who have been professionals in the field; it can be a retired teacher or someone like that. 
 
There are people who are just not comfortable with having their work edited or proofread, because it comes across as a critique. 
 
So I see that it’s not appropriate to make this offer unless you already have a relationship with the writer. But how are you supposed to have relationships with people outside your circle if you don’t approach them? 
 
It takes time to develop any type of relationship, especially relationships that may involve writing and editing. It’s not the type of thing we can just swoop down on. Everybody is sensitive about their writing and communication skills. There’s a certain rapport that has to be developed between editor and writer. It’s a relational issue.
 
A lot of editors will make corrections and edits in green or blue ink, as opposed to red ink, because of the emotional trigger of having a bleeding paper sent back to you. Even today, in electronic editing, you get all those flags all over your document, and that can make one’s blood pressure rise.
 
It’s very easy to make individuals feel uncomfortable. People make assumptions about education and ability, especially in writing. It can be a loaded issue. That’s why developing relationships would be important to that. 
 
Writing is very personal. A lot of judgment and perceptions are made based on one’s writing. It ranks very highly in terms of sensitivity triggers and cultural assumptions. 
 
Would there be the same problems if the service offered were not writing and editing, but something less fraught, like window repair?
 
I think a lot of this is individual-driven. Sadly, in the US at this point, there’s skittishness about race. In some cases, there could be a reserve or a hesitancy there. But when it comes to issues of literacy, measures of intelligence, writing definitely ranks up there. Those can be triggers. A lot of people are shamed because of the way they speak or write. 
 

Were you shamed in your career for those things?

Because of my education level, because of the fact that I could write, I never struggled with literacy or writing, so it took a different level. It was clear I was not illiterate, and I was capable as a writer, but sometimes individuals have a need to change things. That’s part of the game.
 
But you know how you can feel the tone of an edit? I’ve had documented cases where people were assigned to edit or even rewrite things I had written, that were perfectly fine. And we’re talking about people who were subordinates to my position, people who had absolutely no idea of what my job functions were, but they were assigned to alter my work. 
 

And it was just because you are black?

It was one of those things where everybody knew. Everybody knew. 

Is this pro bono editing offer intrinsically flawed, or is it there a way to reframe it so that it could be a good thing?
 
Let me ask you, what segments of the black community are you interacting with? Who are your potential clients?
 
I think the impetus was that the organizer of the project knew that black people applying for jobs or scholarships tend to get judged more harshly for making the same typos and errors that everyone makes, so this was an attempt to level the playing field. So that was at least part of the intended clientele. 
 
Unfortunately that does exist. That’s part of systemic racism. Black people get judged more harshly for the same errors white people make.  That’s part of the way we tend to be perceived. With black people, it becomes who we are. With other groups, it’s a mistake, and there are gentler ways of handling it. But I have been in a situation where the expectation is that there will be no mistakes. 
 
If the organizer had made it more clear that she saw this problem and was trying to level the playing field, would that have been less problematic?
 
I would have appreciated the fact that she was aware of the disparities she was observing. I would respect the reaction to it if it came across as something new, a new bit of information. To be able to recognize that disparity is out there is very important to creating the next steps. First you have to recognize that things are not the same for everyone. Things are not the same for everyone based on the color of one’s skin.
 
When a white person does become aware of a disparity like this, then what is the next step?
 

Is she acquainted with the person doing the writing? Is this someone she’s acquainted with? 

I can’t speak for her, but for me, I live in NH, where the population is over 90% white. I’m not going to meet many black people unless I make a conscious effort to do so. I’m assuming this was her attempt to become acquainted with the person doing the writing. 
 
I’m not sure writing is the right tool to become acquainted with someone. The relationship between writer and editor is built. It’s not something formed by a first impression or an initial meeting. 
 
I will admit that, not too long ago, I didn’t really see white privilege. I grew up poor, so I didn’t think I had privilege. But I do see it now. White people like me are often exhorted to acknowledge and use their white privilege. How can we do this in a way that doesn’t end up being offensive? 
 
Where things seem “off” to me is the fact that it’s being stated you have to use your white privilege. Maybe it should lie dormant until there is a real need that arises, or you’re asked to do something that would involve implementing your white privilege. 
 
Can you give me an example of what that would look like?
 

When you develop an acquaintance, and get to know a person as an individual, then everything evolves from there. What you will find is there are a lot of black people who don’t necessarily need the kind of help that whites perceive they need.

I say that being fully aware of the disparities between us. But at the same time, there is a likelihood that a white person could encounter a black person who really does not need anything from them. 

Or it may be the other way around. I really don’t know, not being white, what that would look like. But just to see people as they are, as individuals. Individuals will show you who they are.  
 
I recently became aware of a group for reparations, that offers a platform where black people can make specific requests for things they need, and white people can make offers of things they can give, and they are matched up. And white people are exhorted to make sure they’re offering things that people would actually want. It has about 20,000 members. Any thoughts on this kind of project? 
 
My immediate reaction is the success or failure of a venture is going to depend on the experiences of people from both sides. We’re talking about 20,000 human beings; anything can happen! 20,000 human beings defined by the histories that surround each of them. 
 
This [reparations group] is quite an interesting concept. It sounds like something I’d like to sit back and watch. Whenever people can get together for the common good and no one is hurt by it, it’s a good thing.  It speaks of alliances. Alliances are important to me. But whenever human beings get together, anything could happen. 
 
You mentioned people not getting hurt. I now understand better what a misstep it was to present the offer the way it was, but I know that some people who volunteered did feel hurt by the somewhat harsh response. 
 
It’s important not to be thin-skinned. To me it sound like that response could have come from any human being, depending on where their heart was at that time. The fact that it came from someone of another race, given our history and our current circumstances — it’s fraught with conflict.
 
I think people are going to be people.  Just chalk it up to humanity, and all the variations thereof — all the output you can expect from humanity. Sometimes it’s just because they had a headache or a bad day. 
 
But I don’t think it’s a good idea to go into an interaction with expectations. We can’t read people’s hearts and minds. It really causes some pain when you have expectations. We have to examine why we have that expectation. 
 
Is there anything you’d like to add that we didn’t cover?
 
Being part of the Editors of Color has been very helpful to me over the years. I was still working when I joined, because I needed that other voice. I was working in a very difficult job environment, and yes, it was fraught with racism. Racism will meet a person of color at whatever station of life they find themselves in. It will reach the highest level, as low-level as that behavior is. During the Obama administration, we all witnessed some vile behaviors. It was America being America.
 

Racism is in effect at every level. So the question is to be able to navigate it all; but not only that, but to navigate it in a way where it doesn’t destroy oneself of the people we love. That’s where it really becomes challenging. 

***
***
This is the second of two companion interviews. Please click here for the first interview with the white editor
 
 

What[wa]’s for supper [last week]? Vol. 214: The highlight reel

I didn’t do a What’s for Supper? last week. I didn’t actually publish anything last week. Turns out I can actually be shut up! For a week. But that’s it. 

Here’s the yummiest meals we had: 

SUNDAY
Beef koftas and Jerusalem salad

Something new for us. Koftas are ground meat, onions, and seasonings formed onto sticks and then grilled. Wikipedia says “Kofta is a family of meatball or meatloaf dishes found in the Indian subcontinent, South Caucasian, Middle Eastern, Balkan, and Central Asian cuisines.” But that’s it! Nowhere else! I read a bunch of recipes from various regions and concluded that you could add anything but grape jelly and consider it an authentic recipe. (After I wrote this, I dreamed that I saw someone making koftas with grape jelly, and I thought, “Dammit, now I have to fix that paragraph.” But it was just a dream. If my father were here, he would comment, “I dreamt I was making koftas in my Maidenform bra.” There was always a Maidenform bra joke.)

Since it was our first time, I decided to keep them relatively bland. I used ground beef (I mean lamb is like $15 a pound), onion, garlic, parsley, salt and pepper, nutmeg, paprika, and za’atar. It is bound together with, uh, wet toast.

FABOLOUS.

Sidenote: if you don’t have a food processor, may I suggest you slap on your mask and hop on over the Salvation Army and find yourself one? Don’t be a snob, get the one in Harvest Yellow with the missing foot, as long as it works. Having a food processor has expanded my cooking so much. If my brother Izzy read my blog, I’d made a coulis joke here, but he doesn’t, so I won’t. 

Anyway, for the koftas, I combined the ingredients very thoroughly, smooshed the meat mixture onto the skewers as tightly as I could, and refrigerated them for several hours, but many of them still fell apart when Damien grilled them. He ended up using an oiled cast iron griddle on the grill. They were EXTREMELY tasty and juicy, really bursting with flavor. The kids really liked them, which means I can probably get away with turning up the spice next time. 

There is a technique wherein you extrude the meat through the neck of a soda bottle, too. 

It’s not any uglier than me just smooshing it on with my hands, and probably somewhat less horrible than me inserting cheese into sausages. 

I have my doubts about the part where he puts some cheese on the grill and then just rolls the cheese up around the meat. I guarantee you, that wouldn’t work if I tried it. BUT, look at the part where he dips it in yogurt sauce and then rolls it in french fried onions! I don’t know. Maybe it would be a case of potato tornados all over again, and I’m not ready to relive that.

Anyway, the koftas we made were swell, if not exactly beautiful to behold. I made plenty of yogurt sauce, and a nice Jerusalem salad on the side.

Jerusalem salad is just tomatoes and cucumbers, parsley and red onions. I squeezed a few lemons over it and drizzled a little olive oil on it, and maybe some kosher salt, I forget. Maybe some mint. We have no end of wild mint in the yard, so I hope I put mint in. 

MONDAY
Chicken nachos

I’m including this meal because it was way more delicious than it should have been. I came up with it on the fly when I was at Aldi and discovered that the price of ground beef had gone up over a dollar a pound. They had some kind of frozen chicken tenderloins, whatever those are, so I bought a bunch. 

I honestly didn’t think anyone would like this meal, but it was quite popular. I cooked the chicken in the Instant Pot with WATER. I remember being tired at the time. Then I pulled it out of the water, shredded it up, and put a disgusting amount of Tajin chili lime powder on it. 

I put the chicken on chips and sprinkled a disgusting amount of cheese over that, and put it in a hot oven until the cheese was melted. I set out sliced jalapeños, sour cream, salsa, limes, and queso which I had microwaved. 

Look at that queso, glowing in the twilight. 

TUESDAY
Grilled sugar rub pork ribs, cole slaw, biscuits

Damien uses some variation of this sugar rub

Jump to Recipe

for all kinds of meat. He says the most important parts are the sugar, garlic, and chili powder, and then everything else is whatever he has on hand. 

These ribs turned out SO GOOD. Look at that lustrous caramelized sugar. It’s sweet and hot and charred, just magnificent, and comes out so juicy. 

I made this biscuit recipe again and it turned out just as good this time, so it’s definitely a keeper. It has eggs and cream of tartar, which I’ve never seen in biscuits before, but gosh, it works. I made twelve big biscuits and cut the rest of the dough into squares, which amused me. 

Very basic cole slaw, just cabbage, mayo, vinegar, sugar, pepper. Tastes like summer. Here’s a slightly more complicated recipe I use sometimes:

Jump to Recipe

THURSDAY
Chicken caprese sandwiches, pasta salad, tiramisu

It was Dora’s birthday, and this was her requested meal. I grilled the chicken and served it on ciabatta rolls with fresh sliced mozzarella, tomatoes, basil, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and freshly-ground salt and pepper. 

She made herself a pasta salad using those Frankie’s Oils with some nice feta cheese and sun dried tomatoes. Damien made tiramisu, and we forgot to get rum, and the espresso pot was missing a part. Guess what? It’s just as good with whiskey and strong coffee. I only got a crummy picture, but it was creamy and lovely and delicious. 

Okay, that’s it for last week’s foods. Recipe cards below. 

Oh, and yesterday a kid asked to visit the newly re-opened Salvation Army, so we went. GUESS WHAT I FOUND FOR THREE DOLLARS.

AS SEEN ON TV. 

So, hold onto your butts. 

 

koftas

Ingredients

  • 5 lbs ground beef
  • 3 onions
  • 1 head (head, not clove) garlic
  • 2 bunches parsley
  • 5 slices bread
  • salt and pepper
  • 1.5 tsp nutmeg
  • 2 tsp paprika
  • 2 Tbsp zataar

Instructions

  1. Put the wooden skewers in water to soak for about thirty minutes before you plan to form the kebabs.

  2. Put the onions, garlic, and parsley in a food processor and chop it.

  3. Put the meat in a large bowl and add the chopped onion mixture to it.

  4. Toast the bread, then put it in a bowl with warm water to soften it. Squeeze the water out and add that to the bowl with the meat.

  5. Add in the seasonings and squish it up with your hands until all the ingredients are well combined.

  6. Using your hands, form logs of meat around the skewers. They should be about an inch and a half in diameter.

  7. Grill over coals if you can. If they fall apart too much, you can cook them on a hot oiled griddle, or broil them. Turn to brown all sides.

Yogurt sauce

Ingredients

  • 32 oz full fat Greek yogurt
  • 5 cloves garlic, crushed
  • 1/4 cup lemon juice
  • 3 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp pepper
  • fresh parsley or dill, chopped (optional)

Instructions

  1. Mix all ingredients together. Use for spreading on grilled meats, dipping pita or vegetables, etc. 

Smoked chicken thighs with sugar rub

Ingredients

  • 1.5 cups brown sugar
  • .5 cups white sugar
  • 2 Tbsp chili powder
  • 2 Tbsp garlic powder
  • 2 tsp chili pepper flakes
  • salt and pepper
  • 20 chicken thighs

Instructions

  1. Mix dry ingredients together. Rub all over chicken and let marinate until the sugar melts a bit. 

  2. Light the fire, and let it burn down to coals. Shove the coals over to one side and lay the chicken on the grill. Lower the lid and let the chicken smoke for an hour or two until they are fully cooked. 

 

 

Coleslaw

Ingredients

  • 1 head cabbage, shredded
  • 2 carrots, grated
  • 5 radishes, grated or sliced thin (optional)

Dressing

  • 1 cup mayo
  • 1 cup cider or white vinegar
  • 1/2 cup lemon juice
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • pepper to taste

Instructions

  1. Mix together shredded vegetables. 
    Mix dressing ingredients together and stir into cabbage mix. 

Please stop saying “my cycle” when you mean “my period.” It matters.

The following essay is about the menstrual cycle, and what I have to say is just as much for men as it is for women. 

I recently had the most frustrating visit with my OB/GYN. It’s probably not what you think. She listened to me carefully, treated me with respect, explained things thoroughly, and was interested and responsive when I told her how Marquette NFP works, even when I touched on the principle of double effect in medical care. She didn’t even poke me too hard; and my insurance covered everything. 

The frustration came in when she had to repeatedly clarify that when I said “my cycle,” I didn’t mean “my menstrual period.” They are two different things. My menstrual period — the days when I am bleeding — are part of my cycle. But a cycle is, by definition, “a series of events that are regularly repeated in the same order.” In female biology, a cycle means the repeating pattern of four phases: menstrual bleeding, the follicular phase leading up to ovulation, ovulation, and luteal phase, ramping down from ovulation. 

But this doctor regularly treats women who use “menstrual bleeding” and “cycle” interchangeably. This led to a frustrating conversation that went something like this:

Me: So, my period started on this day. That cycle was 22 days long. . .
OB/GYN: Wow, that is so long!
Me: No, I only bled for four days, but my cycle was 22 days. Then the next cycle was only 17 days . . .
OB/GYN: But you weren’t bleeding for 17 days? 
Me: No, the cycle was 17 days, but my period lasted five days. Then the cycle after that was 26 days . . . 
OB: Okay, just to clarify . . .
 
And so on, throughout the whole visit. 
 
It wasn’t her fault. She needed to make sure we both knew what we were talking about (and she had no way of knowing I literally wrote a book about this stuff).
 
Part of the reason this situation exists is just linguistic sloppiness. Most of the time, women only have reason to refer to their cycles when they are bleeding, so the shorthand is close enough.
 
The other reason is cultural squeamishness, or even shame, around women’s biology. “Menstrual bleeding” or even “my period” sounds too graphic and bloody, and it’s more socially acceptable to say “my cycle.” It makes it more abstract, like part of a machine, or something on a pie chart.
 
I hate that this feels necessary to so many women — that they feel the need to make their bodies seem abstract or mechanical. Men aren’t ashamed to talk about their involuntary bodily functions. Many men even seem proud of them, for reasons that remain obscure to me. But women, who suffer through a huge amount of tumult and pain that allows them to keep the human race in existence still feel shame about their menstrual cycles.
 
This is a larger problem than a linguistic one. I don’t think it’s necessary to run around free bleeding, but I grow more and more disgusted with the idea that women should be at pains to shield the world from knowing anything about menses. 
 

Because that really is what happens: women and girls are taught that it’s their problem to bear, and part of the burden is the obligation to make sure no one finds out what they’re dealing with. In very conservative circles, girls are often taught to think of their bodily processes as a humiliating, degrading stain on their personhood, evidence of their constitutional, inherent weakness inherited from Eve. In liberal circles, girls are often taught to think of their bodily processes as a hassle, or possibly a sign of oppression, something that, with modern technology, we will quash if we have any self resect or ambition. 

A young woman I know went to see her doctor because she has very irregular cycles. She says sometimes she goes many months without a period. The doctor’s response?

“Is this really a problem? Lots of girls would be thrilled to go so long without dealing with bleeding! Can’t you just learn to enjoy getting a break?”

Not even a speck of curiosity as to why the young woman’s body wasn’t doing what her body is supposed to do. And this doctor was a young woman herself.

On my advice, the patient pushed for some basic blood tests, but when these came back negative, the doctor shrugged and gave up. Happily, the young woman was able to find a specialist who takes a more humane view, and didn’t try to wave her disfunction away.

If mainstream doctors are so flippantly ignorant about what is and isn’t normal, it’s no wonder women, young and otherwise, have only a vague understanding of what it means to have a cycle. Because of this willful systemic ignorance, serious health problems will go undiagnosed, causing women to routinely endure overmedication, undermedication, and a whole host of physical and psychological problems that may be unnecessary. The fact that women are discouraged from even talking about it in plain language? This is telling, and it is intolerable. 
 

I don’t assume that every woman who carelessly says “my cycle” when she really means “my period” is ignorant or oppressed or suffering from internalized shame of some kind. People have all different reasons for using imprecise language.

But I do think women would do the world (not just each other) a service by making a point of being more precise in this one area. When I realized, “There is no reason to use vague language when talking about my menses,” I was astonished at how many little knots in my perception of myself started to come undone. Almost as if the thing that goes on literally in the middle of my body affects my psyche.
 
Strangely enough, it was my husband who led me to be less squirrelly about how I talk and think about menstrual issues. He made it clear to me, over and over again, that he’s not going to throw up or lose his mind if I talk about my period. He’s not a “It’s our nausea” kind of guy, but he doesn’t feel like he has some kind of masculine right to be protected from knowing about something that affects my life (and our relationship) so intensely and so often. He loves me, and doesn’t want me to be ashamed about something that’s not shameful. 
 

I’m not big on vulgar jokes about menstrual issues, and there are situations where it’s just courteous to be discreet. But if you do have a habit of always using euphemisms or imprecise language around your menstrual cycle, it’s not a bad idea to ask yourself why. What would happen if you got more specific? Are you protecting someone? Who, and why? Are you afraid something bad will happen if your speech is forthright?

And if something bad will happen, whose fault is that, and why shouldn’t they be pressed to be better?